Dealing with Rsvps

I haven't gotten to this point yet, but if we have people who haven't responded, I'm definitely going to contact them directly. If you're worried about them feeling pressured into saying yes, I'd just make sure you say something like "we owe final numbers to our caterer, so if we don't hear otherwise from you by Saturday, we'll assume you can't make it." Another alternative would be to either text or email, or call when you know they won't answer and leave a message. I think talking to them and being firm and direct should work though.

You have to reach out to people if they haven't responded, whether it's text or call or email. Or else you'll just never know? We did. Our RSVP date came & went, and we were waiting on 61 people. I split the guests up for me, my fiance, my mom, and his dad to reach out to. Most were "no" as we expected since we didn't get an RSVP back, but a few were "yes" so I am SUPER happy we reached out. Our wedding is July 20 so I can't speak to who shows up and who doesn't. But we heard from every single guest either through RSVP or after we reached out so I'd be surprised if anyone showed up who said they wouldn't.

So what is her recommendation? Don’t call and just see who shows up? A verbal commitment is just as valid as a check mark on an RSVP card. We haven’t gotten to this point yet, but we will definitely call any non-RSVPers. That’s the best way to get the most accurate headcount.

Definitely reach out. I'd rather over-prepare than not have enough seating or food.

I would call still! Maybe instead of just getting the "verbal commitment" perhaps ask the guests if they could send in the RSVP card to confirm as well!

We had a ton of non-RSVPers by the time the date on the invitation hit. We did follow up calls. I will try to relay my numbers as best as possible:

Invited- 245

RSVP'd by the RSVP date- 127 (107 yes, 20 no)

Number of guests that RSVP'd yes after follow up calls- 64

Number of guests that RSVP'd no after follow up calls- 40

Number of guests that un-RSVP'd after family drama- 11

Final Count- 160

NO SHOWS- approx 34

Number of no shows that were from the follow up calls that RSVP'd yes- approx 10

In all honesty, you can try to prepare yourself as much as possible, but you never really know what guests will show or not..or the reasons why. No wedding is the same. Some people have 100% attendance, others have 30%. It surely does stink though, when weddings are SO EXPENSIVE. Unfortunately, that is one of the downfalls of planning such an event. Anyways, hope this helps .

We sent out our rsvp's on June 10th. We are asking for rsvp's to be in by August 7th. We are planning on calling one week post RSVP deadline for follow up. You definitely need to.touch base with people who haven't responded.

View Quoted Comment That is exactly what I am thinking! How are we supposed to know if we don’t ask? What if they sent an rsvp but it got lost in the mail? But I guess that is the debate, right?

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much Danielle! This is very helpful, thank you for the exact numbers!! I guess it really just depends on your people. My entire side has rsvped and only like 5 people have rsvped form my FH side. So frustrating!

We still have 15 outstanding RSVP’s, but they have until July 20th to RSVP. Honestly, most are family and our groomsmen so I think we will be able to wrangle them in. Any friends I may just drop a text and check in a few days after the 20th.

View Quoted Comment Basically she is saying that she thinks if you call people and ask they’re obligated to say yes and will most likely not show up, so if we account for all those yes’s but they don’t show we just paid for all those people to be there. She says that the no’s just wont rsvp. Which I obviously think is super rude and I don’t want to just let it go because your head count is a huge thing! Right?

View Quoted Comment And I completely agree, I would rather be over prepared then not. But we also have a a few work people from both of our work places we would like to add and we were waiting for the official head count to see if we could fit them. I know probably not the smartest way to handle that... so if I’m “over preparing” for all these people who may or may not show and then I can’t add our work friends that is annoying. BUT how are we supposed to know if we don’t ask!! Omg!

You and your fiance need to call. I will be blunt: when people are hemming and hawing, ask, "So that is a no?" To not RSVP is super rude. It is July, they can commit for something in August.

I don't know what your MIL is thinking...…...this is what EVERYONE does. How else are you going to get an accurate head count.

Yes, you might have people who say "yes, I'll be there," and then not show up. But that's going to happen anyway. There are tons of people out there who don't understand how imperative it is to send back the RSVP card, but when you call them and explain you need an accurate/exact head count, they wake up, "oh, sorry, ok. yes i was planning to attend."

There is just no other way to do this. And your caterer/venue is expecting you to give them the most accurate number you can. If you don't, it will end up costing you a lot more money.

I mean, what are you supposed to do, guess? Just look at Danielle's example. Over 100 people didn't RSVP. But when she contacted them, she got over 60 more yes responses! Can you imagine if she hadn't contacted those people, and assumed they were a "no" and then had 60 people show up that she wasn't counting on? OMG, talk about a nightmare. To not have enough food for your guests is inexcusable , imo. If you have a lot of people to contact, maybe you can split the list with FH to get it done faster.

View Quoted Comment It is so rude! Even before wedding planning I knew that. Not only because people don’t know how many guests to expect, but I paid for the invite, rsvp card, the envelopes they came in AND the stamps!!

View Quoted Comment My thoughts exactly, I just thought that is what you do! And I’ve told her that this is THE thing people do. I think she is thinking back to when she got married and how she did things. She is so great and has been SO much help for us, but I think she thinks I’m crazy for wanting to call people and ask. Thank you for your input!

We had a couple friend who did RSVP. We stopped by their cabin in September (about a month before the wedding) and we were like, "So are you coming?" "Well, gee, I dunno.....we kind of have a motorcycle ride planned for that day......uhmmmm......I don't know." So you are choosing a motorcycle ride over your friend of 30 years being a first time groom at at 52? "So that is a no?"

View Quoted Comment WOW! Well... I guess that shows their true priorities!!