Dealing with in laws

Hi!

I get along well with them, honestly haven't had a problem with them before. FMIL can be a little opinionated, but I stand my ground and she backs off lol.

We've been together 5 years. I've always gotten along great with his entire family, except his mom. She's a super toxic person, so I don't care much, but we're essentially at the point now where she won't actively talk crap about me when I'm in the same room. I've always been cordial to her even when she was starting drama, but we don't have a good relationship.

His dad and I on the other hand can give each other a look and know what the other means lol. He's a super quiet guy so he normally gives "a look" instead of saying something and I've gotten to understand those well.

Thankfully my fiance doesn't care much that his mom doesn't like me and it's always been more important that I'm on good terms with everyone else because they mean more to him. His mom doesn't get along with any women on her side or his dad's so we all know who the problem is lol.

Fine, because I haven't seen them in nearly two years. We moved out of state and then COVID hit. And now they refuse to get vaccinated so we can't allow them to visit (my husband is immunocompromised so we have to assume his vaccination doesn't provide him any protection). I have talked to them once on the phone since we moved, but my husband handles the communication. I don't miss them.

Getting along well with FH's family was really high on my priority list and thankfully we do! I met his family on the like second date, so I think it was a priority for FH too lol. His family seemed to accept me pretty early on in our relationship, which was nice because mine is a 6+ hour drive away. There are some aspects I don't enjoy (they all like to bicker and can't say sorry to save their lives - I hate any and all forms of tension), but overall very happy to be marrying into their family!

I got along with them really well before the wedding. Then 3 months before the wedding they pulled the rug right out from under us with our venue. But now we have a decent relationship. Not what it was before but decent.

Fine! With my husbands dad I can be cordial with him I just don't prefer to hang around him because he's toxic. But we will speak to each other when seen. Me and his mother has no problems.

I would say I have a great relationship with them, especially MIL. We're both introverted and have nerdy interests, so we get along very well. I chose her to sign our license as a witness on our wedding day and she thanked me after with tear-filled eyes because it was such a special moment to her. It took FIL a little while to warm up to me as he's very opinionated and stern, but he's always been nice to me and has been one of the most supportive people when it comes to mine and my husband's relationship (planning the wedding, future life plans, etc). We even hang out with SIL and her husband regularly.

I'm truly blessed and feel like I won the in-law lottery! I feel awful though because the majority of my family as in-laws has been almost the complete opposite. They were really nice and supportive to him (and me) at the beginning of our relationship, but ever since we got engaged in 2018, it's like a switch flipped. Really only my siblings and biological mother who all live across the country have been supportive of us and treat my husband like family. It's unfortunate, but we rarely see the unsupportive side of my family anyway.

I love my FIL. We don't talk a whole bunch because they don't speak very good english (MIL speaks more than SFIL) and I don't speak the best spanish. But there's an understanding that we have about each other - it's kind of hard to describe. MIL sees how great our relationship has been for my FH, so she's been a constant supporter of us. She had a terrible experience when she was young and married to her ex husband -not just with him but with his family - that she goes out of her way to be the opposite with both her son's girlfriends. When we got engaged she was over the moon and reminded us that this was OUR wedding and not anyone else's. In turn, I help my FH take care of them - when they've fallen on hard times and needed to borrow money, when they needed help navigating how to get their covid vaccines, when his step dad ended up in the hospital with kidney failure 3 years ago and needed help with a new diet, insurance etc. I know how important his family is to him and therefore they are important to me. The fact that they know how much I mean to him and vice versa is something I am always thanking God for, cuz I know others aren't so lucky

We get a long great. Sometimes we don’t see eye to eye on things but my FMIL is extremely extremely sensitive. But we cook together, drink wine together, we all get a long we’ll

I don't.

They are exactly the kind of human being that I find utterly despicable.

All you really need to know about them is that years ago, upon finding out that I was an atheist (which I have always been, the entire 20+ years I have been with my husband) they promptly informed us that we were no longer welcome at their homes or holiday parties. The decade-long history of me with their son/grandson was irrelevant - I am an evil, dirty atheist who will burn in Hell for all eternity.

They also are narcissistic, his mother was physically abusive to him as a child and emotionally abusive to him as a teenager, his dad is a bigoted creep, and they are raging transphobes.

No tears were shed when we were told we were no longer welcome. I blocked every single one of them on social media to ensure I never have to interact with them.

My FMIL I get along with great. Only thing is the language barrier but we still try to conversat. One the other hand I have nothing to do with my fiancés dad at all. Honestly don't care to. He's very rude and in this old fashion ways.

View Quoted Comment I have the same situation with my in laws as well. My MIL is cool peoples and my FIL is the same way as yours but he also acts like a child and he wants a woman to serve him all the time. He wants to be babied as well🙄

View Quoted Comment I have the energy as well with you when it comes to our in laws

Same energy (typo)

View Quoted Comment Yep! That's exactly mine! He thinks cuz I'm a woman I should serve my fiance. I have no problem with getting my man food as long as we our at our house. Anyone else's house nope.

View Quoted Comment I know the feeling. My FIL stayed with us for four years cuz he lost everything. House, his 2nd divorce, going from one house to another and when he stayed with us he don’t contribute money for bills or groceries. He always criticized me on what I’m doing. I can see why my husband, MIL and SIL were stressed out living with him when my husband was younger. And then I had to go through with it. He finally moved out two weeks ago and We was extremely relieved 😌

View Quoted Comment Good for you…you don’t need toxic people in your life!!!!

I see my in laws pretty much weekly. They're a big south Jersey Italian family and they might be slightly crazy but I love them all.

Love them. I couldn’t have asked for better in laws. They’re so supportive and have been extremely nice to me from the moment I met them.

My MIL legit texted me *from Italy* today with a series of purses/backpacks she thinks we could use for a diaper bag. ...Italian leather diaper bags, because she wants to splurge for us. (I am 7 months pregnant and she is super excited.)

My dad is visiting and will miss seeing them because he will be leaving within about 12 hours of them coming home, so we will have a big video chat tomorrow night so we can all talk.

...In other words, I get along great with my in-laws.

But.

It took TIME and effort on ALL of our parts. I'm beyond grateful that they wanted to put in that effort, and I know it's not the norm.

I will say, if you are the only one putting in the work, stop. It's not worth it for you, and will only cause pain.