Dealing with divorced parents

“Mom, It’s important to me that you are at my wedding. Dad is important to me too and I am inviting him and (wife). If you can’t attend because of that, I’m sorry. I won’t be not inviting him though.”

Your mother is trying to emotionally manipulate you to get what she wants and that isn’t ok.

I totally agree with Sarah. Your mother is just being manipulative and the only way to deal with it is to stand up to her. If your dad is important to you then you should invite him even if it means your mother won’t attend. Though that may be painful, perhaps it’ll alleviate your stress. She and your step-mother won’t create drama if your mother’s not there.

I agree that your parents should be able to tolerate each other for your wedding. I'd consider talking to your mom and telling her you're going to invite your dad before actually sending the invite to see how that goes. I really do think your mom should be able to put aside her differences, but I totally understand how this is going to be awkward and at least a little painful no matter what.

I write this from a place of understanding, having experienced my own mother's manipulations regarding my dad and step-mom. Your mom took your dad away from you and it is extremely unfair to you, even more unfair that she is still trying to manipulate you and your wedding for her own reasons, however justified she feels they may be. It is not ok for her to demand you not invite your dad and I personally don't believe you should cave. If she is truly willing to miss her own daughter's wedding over this, then she may have to live with the consequences of her choices. I agree with Sarah's suggestion. Let her know she is important to you, but so is your father and you want them both there on a very important day in your life. Let her know that you hopes she can put aside her animosity toward your step-mom in favor of her love for you. I do hope it works out for you.

As parents they need to respect that’s it’s YOUR day and grow up. This is about you and they need to put all differences aside for the day and support your dreams. I would sit down with both of them individually and tell them how you feel. Tell your mom that you want here to be there for you but she needs to put everything else aside for that day. It sounds like she is manipulating you into keeping your dad from you even more than she already has....very immature. Be firm in your conversation with her and if she chooses not to come then she will be the one that loses but I would definitely invite my dad. Good luck.

It sounds like the reason you didn’t see your father for so long was because of your mother, so it probably shouldn’t surprise you that she doesn’t want him at your wedding. However, it’s your wedding and you deserve to have both you parents there if that’s what you want. You need to tell her that he is invited, along with your step mother, and she needs to accept that. To threaten not to come is a very sad form of manipulation. I’m sorry you have to go through this, parents should never use their children as weapons against the other no matter how old they are.

This reconnection seems very important to you, and this is supposed to be a day about you and your FH. If your mother has an issue, you should make it clear he is invited and if she has an issue with that, you'll be upset to not see her there.