Dealing with a groom that thinks weddings are a waste of money

I don't think you're crazy. The wedding you are planning sounds completely reasonable, and it sounds like he's just negging everything you try to do. It doesn't seem like this is about the money for your FH. He either doesn't understand how much this means to you, or he has some deeper reason for really not wanting a wedding like that. I think you need to sit down and figure out how you each picture your wedding day, what aspects are most important to you, and why. Maybe he doesn't want anyone around when you get married, because he would rather it just be the two of you. If you can get him to tell you what it is that he wants (rather than him just telling you all the things he doesn't like or want), then maybe you can find a compromise.

I think all of your plans sounds amazing and you're very lucky! I think I would sit down and really think about why you want a wedding (to celebrate with family, to commemorate your union of marriage, etc.) and then present those reasons to him. Most men think a lot of things are a waste of money and he probably just doesn't understand how fortunate you both are with your planning. I know my FH get's nervous when he see's big price tags and so we find vendors he is more comfortable with. I understand wanting to save a buck, but your priorities are clearly different and I think a long conversation needs to be had with more than just "I want a wedding just because I do." Is this possibly his second marriage? I've seen this a lot with couples who have already had the big white wedding but usually for first time couples it's a deeper issue than just "let's run to the courthouse." Perhaps he will feel like he owes his parents after their generosity? Or maybe he isn't a fan of attention or big parties?

Good luck! I think this is a big discussion that needs to be had.

He doesn’t realize how fortunate both of you are. Hes being unreasonable. Youre saving so much money on everything else you should go to the restaurant or cater in the backyard, both are reasonable and since you’ve already saved so much money, get a dress you really want.

I had to put things in perspective for my DH. He thinks nothing of it to spend money to buy muscle cars, guns and other expensive items. I used that as a comparison and said not only was it important to me but I wanted to create a memory for us and our loved ones, an experience that we wouldn't forget. It took him a while to understand, even the week of the wedding to a certain extent. But at the reception when he saw his parents dancing for the FIRST time ever, he looked at me and said he finally understood. We just got our wedding video this past week and watched it with his family and they were still talking about what a great wedding it was.

He’s being a brat. If he agreed to have a wedding, then he needs to stop complaining about every single detail. Did the two of you come up with a budget together? If not, I absolutely recommend doing that. Then he won’t have as much flexibility to argue over prices as long as it fits your budget, because you’ve already agreed.

You should also talk to him and make sure he understands how he is making you feel by acting this way. If learning how his actions are affecting you doesn’t bother him, I might reconsider hitching yourself to this person for life.

It sounds like there may be some deeper issues

View Quoted Comment Yea, I think you're right. Lol, he realized I was upset and insisted we talk about it and, of course, I burst into tears (I hate being angry with people so I always end up crying). He said he thought I was only doing the wedding because our parents wanted it and that he didn't know it meant that much to me. Now he's on board (he still doesn't "get it" but he wants me to be happy). I do think it's annoying that me litreally saying "I'm excited" and wedding dress and pinterest shopping didn't seem to register on his radar as 'she wants this.' *eyeroll* men....

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I was thinking the same thing, plus I would have concerns that he is so dismissive of something that you hold a lot of value for. You guys are WAY fortunate to have so many folks helping you - way to go!

He is being very dismissive of something you value. Is this his attitude for other things that get you excited or bring you joy? Like a new car, a promotion at work, a hobby you love?

View Quoted Comment I am 30, he is 32, neither of is have been married before. After writing this, he finally pulled his head out of his butt and had an honest conversation about it. He's stressed about the number of people that will be there and that we will be expected to entertain them (hence why he just wanted a courthouse wedding with just us). I think he may also be stressing because due to the small number of people, my parents, who hate eachother, may be forced to interact... that stresses me too but I am insisting that they both be adults.

He said he thought I was just doing a wedding because his mom insisted, but now that he knows it's what I want, he's on board so hopefully that's the end of it.

View Quoted Comment No, which is why it's so bizarre. It's really out of character for him. This is the same guy who goes with me to comicons and renaissance festivals with me in full costume even though I know it's not his thing and he's cringing inside. Lol. But I think it's okay now. He's figured out how important it is to me and is on board now. He said he thought I was only into the wedding thing because hims mom was insisting.

My FH struggled with spending on our wedding, not because we don't have the money but because he simply has other priorities for the money he makes (and they are reasonable). I see that others are paying for a good portion of your wedding but it may also be a case of him just not seeing a wedding as the *best* use of money.

I think there will always be things one side cares about more than the other. You can't guarantee you'll always be on exactly the same page on everything. I had to explain in my case that I did respect his concerns and beliefs about how to use money but we had to meet halfway. I wanted my family to celebrate with us on our day in a nice way, but I would keep it reasonable and respect the budget we chose.

I think maybe it helps to understand why the other person is hesitating and make it clear that you respect that it but it goes both ways. He should respect that it IS important to you.

I know in my case FH is still working towards being more comfortable with spending on a wedding but we've been open about it and I've been clear we can't go forward if he's not okay with it. Sometimes it might just take time?

I so feel for you in this!

View Quoted Comment Yea, we've just bought a house and he's in furniture purchasing mode... so yea. Different priorities for sure...

You are not crazy. I'm a little nervous about your complete opposite views on money though. Money is a major problem for fights and divorce. You might want to consider counseling to work this out in advance.

My sweetheart is a little shocked how much things cost, but isn't fighting me on it. When I show him the quality of the vendors and how their prices are reasonable, he relaxes and goes with the plan.

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Sounds like he was having some premarital jitters. Please tell him all he has to do on his wedding day is: Show up sober, recite his vows and thank people for coming at the reception. No one wants nor expects him to entertain them. I prefer a groom who is NOT trying to entertain or impress me somehow.

If the parents who feud are the problem, then that is THEIR problem, not his.

In any relationship communication is the key and wedding planning is no different. There are priorities and compromising to be dealt with. I am happy that your FH realized what your wedding day means to you. I was in the same situation me and FH have been thur alot. So I can't wait for the day that family and friends come celebrate with us. I am planning a BBB wedding. Beautiful Bling Budget😊

You ain't crazy. He would HATE me, haha. Weddings do not have to be extravagant, and I understand spending on other things can be more enticing. Ours has become one of the pricier ones, and my fiancé has voiced his concerns, but we talk about everything together. We have cut things that are unnecessary. But we want to celebrate with our family and friends and provide them a top-notch experience, as they are traveling from all over just for our union. 5k is NOTHING. It sounds like you've talked with him, but make sure he is on board and knows why you are doing what you are doing. I've never heard of a groom assuming their bride wants a wedding just because of someone else. Most girls dream of a wedding their whole lives. Kind of odd.

I know I'm super late to this string but I really wanted to find others who were going through similar situations. My FH has been constantly "cracking jokes" and saying anything spent on this 5k wedding with 10 guests is a complete waste of money. Every time he says anything I basically can't take it(waterworks). I only wanted a small wedding for the memories and cut so much out of a traditional wedding to keep it at 5k budget, mine will be a tiny micro-wedding with some elements of a traditional wedding(white dress, walking down an aisle with my dad, etc). At this point less than 3 months away, he's along for the ride at this event as it's not his priority but mine. Heck even doing engagement pictures was like pulling teeth of "why are we wasting money on this", yet after those pictures were done I think he enjoyed doing a professional picture session(and I paid all of that as well). So far I'm the only one paying 85% of the 5k max budget. My parents are paying for this reception for less than 400 dollars at a local restaurant. His parents are paying nothing yet and the guests are not paying anything except plane tickets, hotels, or rental cars if they desire while being here for our weekend. He also made comments about not wanting a courthouse wedding because it was too "tacky" according to him. Well, nothing satisfies him in any way, shape, or form but the "money" concerns he's not even paying? Then it's my way at this point, as my frustrations have reached a breaking point of no turning back and canceling everything. In my mind, I think he hates the idea of having both our parents and friends mingling together because he's afraid of the potential drama that might occur, I don't know? Seems irrational to me if we invited people who want to see us off to the next chapter of our lives. We already of a house bought, he got a brand new vehicle a few years ago, I got a puppy in 2019 and engagement was in Venice with a 3k ring I didn't expect, we have separate finances, we have traveled internationally except for 2020, both have gone through ups and down with jobs over the past almost 8 years of being together. Why is this final, hopefully, the first and last tiniest wedding such a fear financially and he's not even paying more than 300 dollars on his end? I'm just trying to understand this as my FH doesn't communicate his emotions or reasons of concern very well. I hope everything worked out for you, and you got the wedding of your dreams in the end, and he enjoyed it too!

Take the gifts and offers from your family kindly and apply them as you want! If you want a nice $1,000 dress then say thanks mom and go get it if you want. If YOU don't want an expensive dress you let your mom know you might use the balance for something else. Don't be shamed into not treating yourself the way you want because of your fiancé. Splurge on what you want if you think it is within reason and just communicate to your fiancé that you want certain things since you guys aren't super stretching your budget.

I think who's paying for what comes into play as well but it seems you definitely don't mind spending some extra money on aspects that are important to you. Don't feel ashamed, you're being more than reasonable!

Lol someone just tried to come onto this thread like 3 years later and tell me "he's the man, if he doesnt want to pay for it follow his lead and stop whining."

Um, EXCUSE👏YOU👏. This queen makes her own money (more than he makes fyi) and has agency to decide how it is spent. Get outta here with that medieval crap. 🤣🤣🤣🤣