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Just Said Yes June 2018

Daughters not attending wedding

Shellee, on June 9, 2018 at 6:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 3

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I’m getting married in 2 weeks out of state. I’m already here, but I just found out that my daughters (17 & 23) are not coming. At first they changed their minds about being “in” the wedding. Now they’re not coming at all. I’m the one who left their father after 28 years of marriage. I was unhappy for about 20 of those years. They are hurt and angry. I didn’t leave them...I left the marriage. But they feel I left “them.” This was 3 years ago. I continue to see them, text them, talk to them. We hang out, shop, go to dinner periodically. Even so, I’m still the “one who left.” I left their dad, but never intended not to be a part of their lives. I’m still involved, but they feel that I destroyed our family. I’ve asked them to come to counseling with me, but they refuse. Does anyone have any advice to help get me through being so hurt that they aren’t coming? They live with their dad, btw. What is supposed to be a happy time for me, is filled with hurt and tears. Just looking for some encouragement I guess.

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3 Comments

Latest activity by Neffe, on June 13, 2018 at 5:41 PM

Dedicated April 2019
Marcy Kamery · on June 9, 2018 at 9:34 PM
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Huge Hugs sent your way!! You deserve to be happy just like everyone else. Doesn’t matter who left whom..Only you know what went on with you and your ex, but more and likely your girls are only hearing one side your ex’s (unfortunately) so you have to live for you. Your girls will eventually come around, your their MOM, just keep the door open and keep doing what your doing and they’ll eventually return to you!!
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Super October 2017
OrangeCrush · on June 9, 2018 at 10:35 PM
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Wow - as a person who was in a long term marriage then got divorced, I feel for you. My kids are cool with my second hubby but man - how hard for you to be in this place.
May I ask a personal question that you do not have to answer? Was there infidelity on your part with this man? Is that why they are steamed? Forgive my boldness and again, no need to answer, but perhaps they don't see this person in the same light as you?
All you can do is let them know your door is always open - they will come around and the burden will be on them that they missed your wedding.
Hugs to you!
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Master July 2020
Neffe · on June 13, 2018 at 5:41 PM
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Hi Shellee!! I am sending even more hugs your way and so sorry to hear about your situation. I would just continue pouring your love and being the best mother you can be! Keep reminding them that the divorce from their father has nothing to do with your relationship with them, as they'll always be your daughters. I agree that they will eventually move past this; it will just take time, so be patient and hopeful. Maybe you can even try taking them out for a girls day to see if this will help lessen the tension and allow for a good conversation. Keep positive and focused; it will all work out! Let us know if there is anything we can do for you!
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