Daughter is the only kid not invited to my brothers wedding

Also I want to clarify that for ANYONE else’s wedding I wouldn’t think twice about this. But it’s my brother and I feel strongly that my daughter should be able to celebrate with everyone else.

This is why it's important to invite in circles of closeness, when you start picking a choosing then feelings get hurt.

OP, I feel for you, that's really not ideal and I can appreciate your point of view.

Most weddings I've been to that are adults only invite kids in the wedding party and no other children. Logistically, it's pretty hard not to include kids from the ceremony in the reception especially of travel is involved. If they invited your daughter, they would also have to invite every other child.

View Quoted Comment Sure, but every other child is not the couple’s niece. If that’s the case, they should have found a role for her in the wedding party. She is the ONLY cousin not attending. No etiquette norms can change my mind on that.

Ah. I just read this is your brother
Yeah, that is very odd.

How young are the other kids? Do they have a plan to allow the younger kids to not attend the reception and leave after the ceremony? Maybe you should just ask your brother directly why she wasn't included just out of curiosity? Though I think it's wonderful that you planned a big sleepover for her on the wedding day and honestly, she would probably prefer that than going to the wedding lol 😅

View Quoted Comment Agreed. If at 14 someone had given me the option of a sleepover with my friends, or attending a wedding with all adults, it would have been a no-brainer.

View Quoted Comment The sleepover and the 14 year olds preferences are completely irrelevant. The other kids are aged 4-7yrs old and will be attending the reception, which is also irrelevant. In this situation, there is absolutely no conceivable reason why she wouldn’t be invited.


I did ask my brother and future SIL directly. Especially since one of my much younger cousins (17) is invited. SIL said something about “he’s old enough blah blah blah it’s different”. What does a 3 year age gap matter? I’m so upset I’m considering backing out of the wedding myself. This is in SUCH poor taste.
Sorry for continuing the rant - I’m clearly still heated about the entire thing.

Yeah, that one’s not right. With family groups, it’s really important to be all or none. After they realized that *every single other cousin* was either old enough or in the wedding, the bride & groom should’ve made an exception for her.

While age cut offs and adult weddings are appropriate, contrary to what some believe traditional etiquette does not make an exception for children in the wedding party being the only exception to an adult only wedding and never did. Rather, they are child guests first who are given an honor role on the basis of age and relationship as in the case of flower girl or ring bearer or relationship alone for junior bridesmaids etc.


Excluding only one niece was IMO thoughtless and clueless, especially since it is perfectly acceptable to invite only nieces and nephews and no other children to a wedding,
Plenty of kids would prefer to be at special family occasion like a wedding that only happens once over a sleepover they can have anytime. Sorry, but not all 14 year olds are that self centered.

My daughter would have been heartbroken too at that age if she wouldn't have been able to attend her uncles wedding.

This is a hard one has your daughter expressed her feelings about the situation.? If she s not making a big deal out of it I d probably let it go but if she's super upset about it I d tell your brother leaving your daughter, his niece out of the wedding while including all of her younger cousins is hurting her and you are unsure how to proceed. I d also say you hate to see impact his relationship with his niece .


Best of luck.

People also have to use common sense. While age cut offs are acceptable etiquette, sometimes it's just not practical, for example when there are families with children just above and below the arbitrary cutoff, if they have to travel etc. Same thing here. Even if you are someone who subcribes to the IMO misguided belief that wedding party children can be an exception to the no child rule, if the result is leaving out exactly one child in the family then maybe you should rethink.

Regardless of age cut offs and inviting in circles (which means as an example that you are inviting an uncle you have no relationship with and are unable to invite second cousins you are super close to) that not every social circle uses, this sounds personal. Is the couple unaware of this niece or they don’t like her? That’s the only two plausible options in this situation. It’s possible that she is better behaved than the children who are attending. Either way, the couple has made it clear that they don’t like her, and she’s better off not going and in the future avoiding any events where this couple will be attending because her attendance will cause the couple distress if they think she’s too toxic to be invited. If I had a daughter who was not invited while everyone else’s children were, I would decline the invitation and any in the future from this couple, and show the daughter that she was much more important than relatives who are too afraid to say they don’t like her. Your daughter is not stupid and she can tell whose side you would be taking as her parent if you attend or decline. What the other invited guests do doesn’t matter.


Agree with CM that when children are asked to be invited to participate as a ring bearer or flower girl, or even as the couple’s own children in attendance, then the “adults only” doesn’t fly. Because it’s technically not “adults only”.

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What I meant is that children are not an all or nothing category. It's fine to prioritize immediate family children over others as long as you are consistent. You wouldn't label the wedding "adults only" or anything at all. You would simply invite the children you are including by name.

I'm not sure how you come to the the conclusion that the couple has made it clear they don't like OP's daughter. There's no evidence of that here. I think in their overly rigid minds they are making an exception for anyone over 16 and children in the wedding party. It's a hurtful and misguided approach in this case because it leaves out just one niece.

I am answering as a bride and I am sure you feel hurt. I would understand if your kid was a small child but a 14 years old is not loud. I would talk with your brother to understand his reasons. Maybe he is trying to cut guests? As a bride we had the option: or we invite all the kids or we invited none so we don't exclude our makes people feel bad about it. Even our niece won't be allowed in our wedding but again, it is a adult only and I meant 21+

I would be upset too. I'm having an adult only wedding also, but I am letting my cousin bring her kids (4, 15 and 16) because we are close. My sister kids will be there too, and they are in the wedding. I think you should talk to your brother, because he should be able to make an exception for you and his niece. And she's a teenager, it's not like he is going to have to tell her to sit down, be quite like she is a toddler or something.

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I agree with this. I would ask yourself if you are making your own personal feelings on the matter cloud your judgement of the situation. If your daughter doesn't care about the wedding and is excited about the sleepover with her friends, then I would just drop it. I mean, at this point, what is going to be accomplished? You talk to your brother and make him feel guilty, stressed, upset and "bully" him into inviting your daughter; then cancel her sleepover and force her to go?

Also, I know your daughter is the only cousin not attending on the groom's side.. but what about the bride's family?? I'm sure she has younger family members as well, and it would be incredibly hurtful and rude to her family to allow your daughter but not any of the younger members of her family. If they were to make the exception for your daughter, they would then have to invite all younger relatives to keep it fair. And now their choice for an adult only wedding has disappeared.

View Quoted Comment Sorry but I totally disagree with this. You’re making a lot of assumptions here. The bride does not have any younger members of her family to include. Their nieces and nephews are totally on our side. Also my daughter’s feelings about the sleepover are completely irrelevant, as I’ve said before. This is a classic case of an entitled bride willing to damage family relationships for the vanity of her wedding; while nevertheless including a handful of children and teenagers who are “good enough” to attend based on technicalities like whether or not they’re in the wedding party, or whether they’re “a little closer to 18”. It’s completely tasteless.

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Why are you only blaming the bride? I second the other poster's comment about adding your personal feelings. Whlle childfree weddings are fairly common, many couples naively believe they can use children as props in the wedding, satisfying old tradition and probably the grandparents that push it. Unfortunately, it a greater mess to undo it. Take a deep breath and if you want to keep protesting, ask yourself if staying home with your daughter is worth it because i doubt the couple is intentionally hurting her.