Daughter is getting married this year and her brother just got engaged

This is a frequent topic that comes up. Every couple gets one 24 hour period for their wedding. They do not own the week, month, season or year. Meaning if someone has the same guests as a sibling, they can theoretically get married one on one day and the other the next day. They could even get married a week apart if it’s not an inconvenience for guests who need to travel. But it is not your place or decision to make any suggestion to your son when to have their wedding day. Nor is it your daughter’s place to say that her brother cannot marry when he wants to. The dates are for each couple to decide, and them getting married and/or engaged in the same year is not relevant.

There’s no need to feel bad about hosting an engagement party before your daughter’s wedding! Engagement parties are usually held right after getting engaged (anywhere from the same day, to 2 months after). I think it would seem odd to have it 6 months after their engagement, and definitely a lot of the excitement surrounding the event would be lost. In no way would having the engagement party now take away from your daughter’s wedding. Your daughter’s happiness definitely should not come at the price of your son’s.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree with Cece. I would not ask your son to wait to have his engagement party.

As an additional contribution ...

It should be more of a compliment and an expected situation that when a sibling or friend gets engaged and heading toward marriage that others too will get the itch (or finally decide to hitch). So celebrate these events when they happen. The only mild exception is when a sibling or friend is acting purely out of envy and spite. If that is not happening, let the events happen as they will. I hope this is not the case and that your daughter can just be happier for this other engagement.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for the comment. It is the case that my son got the hitch, but he also did not talk to his sister before his proposal, so my daughter does feel like he's taking away the "spotlight". She's very happy for him at any rate, but I feel like I'm in the middle since he's asking me to host the party. It would be different if the future bride's family would be hosting it at their place or another place instead of my house, I think. Especially because my son's future bride wants me to do the same thing that I did for my daughter (same caterer, food, etc etc)

View Quoted Comment Not trying to be rude but your daughter needs to get over herself. He didn't need to ask her permission to propose to his now fiancee. If she doesn't like it that's to bad. She can't expect people to put their lives on hold just because she's getting married. I got married the same year as my brother, my sister and my brother-in-law. I would move forward with having the engagement party otherwise you are showing your son that your daughter is more important than him.

You know your daughter's personality the most, but I wonder if she really expects to need you in those last 2 months before the wedding. 2-months to 1-months countdown is often when planners fizzle and contemplate elopement. I think you should assure her you will be there as emotional support. But, yes do not delay your son's engagement party as this will evoke favoritism. Also, do not do the same menu and decorations for your FDIL. Encourage them to make their party their own, even if it's in your house. Copying could lead to further bad feelings between your children later on. Good luck.

Your son certainly does not have to wait until after his sister’s wedding in order to celebrate his own engagement. She doesn’t have a monopoly on the year or even the week. Having the engagement party now makes most sense.


The only considerations are practical ones, for example a family hosting two events close together there may be financial or logistical implications. An engagement party is, of course, optional. Or if there’s a large overlapping guest list, you might all want to space things out to encourage attendance at both. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter.

Not at all reasonable. July and September are a reasonable distance apart, and an engagement party is on a completely different scale than a wedding — the 2 events really shouldn’t have any impact on eachother at all. To ask your son to wait sends the message that his marriage is less important to you than hers— that’s certainly how I’d take it if I was him or his fiancée. And to push the party to the timeline you’re talking about …that’s a bit late for an engagement party. At that point it’s far removed from the engagement and excitement and getting close to his own wedding— if it were me, by 6 months from now, id just assume skip the engagement party altogether.