Daughter doesn’t want to invite my close extended family

It is true that a financial host of a party should have a say in guestlist. However, what you may think is only 8 additional people could potentially be 16 because a good Host must invite serious romantic partners. And you cannot invite some great aunts/ uncles and not others as that would be rude. Adding such a number just may not fit within your daughter's and FSIL's idea of a small wedding.


If still feeling strongly and both families have equal # of guests, you may have to swap out some of your crowd for these great aunts and uncles. It doesn't matter if you've had large family weddings in the past as wedding costs and changing culture have normalized more private weddings. $20k doesn't go as far as everyone would like. If still feeling very strongly, then take back your money and host a family reunion.

View Quoted Comment I understand it is difficult for someone not involved to know all of the intricacies of the situation. Luckily I am smart enough to understand that the 8 may have a “plus 1” and can add that, if applicable, to the guest list. My daughter plans to invite 2 of the 8 and I explained that she can’t invite 2 and not all. Also, “my side” is myself, my husband, my son, my brother and his wife and 2 kids, and my dad. The majority of the invited guests are his and their friends. In fact there are many coming from his side whom my daughter has never met. My “crowd” doesn’t have much wiggle room.


And you really cannot tell me that having large family weddings in the past doesn’t matter. That is the culture of my family and a person outside of the family does not get to dictate that. You may have an opinion, however, you don’t get to tell me that it doesn’t matter.

View Quoted Comment Perhaps your grief is wishing a different wedding and family representation. But the wedding couple is moving forward with their vision. Best wishes.