Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

N
Just Said Yes January 2024

Date conflict - my sister and family cannot make the date we selected

Nancie, on June 5, 2023 at 2:54 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 8

The date my fiancé and I selected conflicts with a trip my sister already has booked...and my mother expects me to change it.

Background - I am a widow and my fiancé is a widower. I'm 44, he's 51 - we are still young and have so much life to live! His wife died 6 years ago. I lost my 6 year old son 3 years ago and my husband died 2 years ago. He was there for all of it! My late husband and him were childhood friends and grew up together. We have known each other for more than half our lives, travelled together as friends married to our respective partners both near and far, continually watch our children grow, have had so many laughs together, far too many tears and relied on each other at our darkest times.

Since we started dating, we knew that we would get married at some point and be together for the rest of our lives. He proposed on Mother's Day. We've both been through hell and back and life is short. We are the epitome of that!

Well, we decided why wait! Let's get married sooner than later. Between the two of us, our kids are 19, 17 and 7. Christmas break is the ONLY time all 3 kids are on the same scheduled break, until summer. We don't want to wait for summer. Plus, I work in an ag based career and winter is the BEST time for me to enjoy celebrations today and years to come...until I retire!

So, am I crazy, selfish, to say I don't want to move our date? My mother is guilting me into 1 - getting married too fast and 2 - that I "don't care" if my sister is able to come. We are planning a designation wedding in Cancun. My sister is going to New Zealand (again already paid for trip to spread her MIL's ashes on the 50th Anniversary - she died in 2018) and she supposedly told be this when I called to say I got engaged!!! She was my maid of honor in my first, very Catholic wedding. I'd love for her to be there, but this quite frankly I don't want to wait or choose another month! What should we do???

8 Comments

Latest activity by Keri, on June 6, 2023 at 3:07 PM
  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    All of your reasoning for wanting your wedding on your chosen date is justified, and it also sounds like your sister’s trip is also for a super legitimate reason. This is just one of those things where you need to decide what your priority is (not your mother’s). Does it mean more to you to have your sister in attendance or to get married over the holidays this year? If you really want your sister there, summer really isn’t that far off, especially in terms of wedding planning. It goes by very quickly. Also, how hurt would your sister be if she’s left out, and is this something you need to do to preserve your relationship with her? But as long as you’re okay with her not attending and won’t hold it against her, if this date is your priority then that’s your decision.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Mom is unreasonable. You are an adult, not a child, so she has no leg to stand on in telling you what you must do or not. If the date conflicts, she will have to decline. Set boundaries and say no, hang up the phone. Mom’s behavior is extremely unacceptable, toxic and is blatant bullying because she is badgering you with the intent to make you feel uncomfortable and worthless. Unfortunately, some families are like that. Try to communicate and if she doesn’t budge, then limit contact for your mental health. You don’t need to cut her off unless she is not open to compromise and communication. Keep your mental health and safety at the forefront.
    • Reply
  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Ouch. You are in a really difficult situation. All your reasons for wanting your wedding on the date you have chosen is valid. However, your sister's reason for not being able to attend is also very valid. I know your mother is pushing for you to change the date, but is your sister? Has she expressed any desire for you to change the date, or is she understanding and supportive of you getting married without her present? If sister is ok with it, I would definitely move forward as planned and maybe see if you can livestream the ceremony for her to "attend" remotely. However, if your sister is also very upset about it, it's going to really come down to you weighing out the importance of getting married this year without your sister vs just waiting and getting married next winter.

    • Reply
  • LM
    Expert December 2022
    LM ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    This date works for you, your intended, and your children. Why would you change it for one person-- because Mom said so? You determine your own happiness. Enjoy your engagement.

    • Reply
  • M
    Savvy January 2022
    Mallory ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    You are not crazy or selfish to keep your date! Don't let your mom guilt you. As long as you are fine with your sister missing it, go for it.

    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    If you're close with your sister, then I'd change the date. If you're not close with your sister and don't care if she's able to come, then I'd keep the date. Did you check with your VIPs such as parents and siblings before choosing your date?

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I guess it depends. Does your sister really want to be there? Like others have said, her reason is definitely very valid and summer isn’t that far off from the holidays. When it comes to getting married I know it will feel far away but trust me it goes by so fast. And it’s not like the wedding won’t happen if you wait a few months right? But if you don’t want to wait and your sister is okay missing it and you’re okay with her not being there then don’t let your mother pressure you. You’re not 16 years old. You’re a fully grown adult. Where do your priorities lie?
    • Reply
  • Keri
    Keri ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You are 100% in the right. It's your wedding and a lot of people don't like long engagements. Working around school schedules is tricky. There is always going to be someone close to you that can't make it. Don't change a thing. You can't please everyone but you can plan the perfect day when and where you want it.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics