Dadzilla

So, is he paying for the wedding? If so, that may be why he's so opinionated. I would respectfully listen to his ideas and then do what you want anyway. Maybe also try to not discuss wedding stuff so much with him.

Sounds like my dad. He doesn't hear a word I say but has the best intentions. Idk how to deal with it either.

For the example of the photographer, I would say that you looked into more, but really loved this one, so you booked it. Haha, I kind of had to do that with my dad and the venue. I did a lot of research, saw a couple of places, but knew I wanted one, and so after we looked at it he told me to look some more. So I did, online, and then told him what we decided. He was cool with me having done the online research.

Anyway, I would slowly transition from allowing him to brainstorm with you to asking him for advice on things you have less of an opinion on, and telling him what the final decision is on the stuff that you don't want his opinion on. I am sure you are trying that, just keep trying!! lol

I'm not getting how your dad is being overbearing from your example. Normally people give the worst example of a particular behavior, and yours sounds like your dad is being completely reasonable. How do you know the photographer isn't a flake? Have you read reviews or had an in person meeting?

I think it's completely possible that you and your fiance need to listen to him more, especially if he's helping financially.

I think if he's helping financially then he will certainly have a lot of opinions and you may just have to suck it up and listen to him and possibly sway him to see your side.

this is why FH and I wanted to pay for our wedding ourselves because it is going to be exactly what WE want and no one else's opinions can change that! Of course we are including our families especially our Mothers but final say is OURS! Good luck!

My dad straight up told me this is his day....I had to remind him that just b.c he is helping financially, doesn't mean he runs the show.

I suggest maybe you include him in the research? It sounds like he either has someone specific in mind or wants to find a better deal.

I would also recommend reminding him that this is you and FH's day, and although he is helping financially, you both have a specific vision in mind and hope he can respect it.

Good luck

I completely get him wanting to understand the pricing since he is paying. In this example, he asked me to send the list of all the photographers I already reached out and/or have looked at because he wanted to do his own research. That is what bugs me. It's like he can't trust that I can do the research myself! Anyway, I sent him the list of around 10 others and will let him look if he wants but we are continuing our discussions with the photographer we like and will pay the deposit to secure him if we have to.

I wish we didn't have to run everything by him, but since he is paying, he has been involved in everything. He is even coming with to the decorator appointment this weekend!

It is nice to kind of just vent about it thanks ladies!

@frugal_gator I know this doesn't sound crazy. It's probably just all the discussions/arguments added up that are hard to convey. Every decision has resulted in arguing. Our venue was chosen by my dad and that triggered the negative feelings. We certainly like the place but it was not our first choice. My dad outright told us the place we loved was not his style. He has insisted I ask a family member to be in my bridal party that I've talked to maybe twice in my life because it's "respectful." And told me I need to find another BM because my pictures will look really bad if I have one less than FH's GM. It's those comments that irk me.

I don't want to make him out to be the enemy though because I do love how involved he is and I know how important this day is for him (I'm his only daughter). I just wish we didn't have to argue about every decision.

@LMac yea, for each photographer I listed out why I do not prefer them: some too expensive, some booked, some the style I don't like as much, and we conveyed why we like the one we like. Aside for the photos, he has by far been the most personable and we mesh with his personality which is important to me.

I will keep an open mind though that him and my mom may be able to come up with questions I did not think of. I appreciate everyone's advice and I do know for a fact that my dad is coming from a good place. Just need to remind myself that every time we disagree

LMac, what's your background? I love all of the relationship advice (and book recommendations) that you provide. Are you a therapist? Just curious if this is part of your career.

OP, sorry, no advice other than what PPs have said. Good luck!

Okay, telling you who to pick as a bridesmaid is definitely not something money-related, and I would be putting my foot down on that one. He does not get to make every decision because he's paying, but unfortunately, he does get a say in where his money is going.

My best advice is to pick your battles. My dad was really pressuring me to invite their neighbor, who I know but am not close with. I was really against it, but giving him that one thing allows for me to more easily decline his "suggestions" in the future. Fortunately, my dad is mostly laid back and hasn't tried to force too much on me.

Good luck!