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Expert October 2019

Dads girlfriend

Kierstin, on May 13, 2018 at 4:18 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13
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I’m not sure how much I need to include my dads girlfriend in everything wedding related. She’s been around for 3 years. She’s been around since before my 2 1/2 year old son was born basically. She’s a nice woman but sometimes can be a little .. pushy? (Not sure if that’s the right word) overbearing? Anyway. Just not sure what all I should be including her in. She already tried asking me if I wanted to go wedding dress shopping a couple of weeks ago. Mind you my own mother doesn’t live in this state and would be devastated if I went without her and went with my dad girlfriend over her first. (She has no issues with this woman. ) I told the girlfriend “no sorry I’m waiting for my mom to do that. I’m sure she would like to be in town the day I look for dresses the first time.”
My dad is helping pay for the wedding so I don’t know if this makes a difference or not?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Audrey, on May 13, 2018 at 10:58 PM
  • Jaycie
    Expert March 2019
    Jaycie ·
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    I think it depends on your relationship with her. If y'all are on really good terms, then definitely don't get defensive if she is offering help or wants to do wedding stuff with you. If you aren't close, it makes a little more sense why it may be offputting to do any planning with her. Since she has been in a long term relationship with your dad and your mother is out of state she may feel the need to try to fill in and help if she's not sure about what your mother may or may not be around to be there for. Definitely take her offer to look at dresses as something endearing, and not trying to push your mom out of the experience.
    It honesty just comes down to your relationship wirh her. My stepmom became a very important person in my life even when her and my dad only were dating. If I still lived where she and my dad were at for my wedding I definitely would be doing wedding planning with her because my mom lives way out of state and would understand she unfortunately could not be there for all event planning and meetings. I am living pretty close to my mom nowadays but I share my wedding details and updates with my stepmom too.
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  • FutureMrs.L
    Master September 2018
    FutureMrs.L ·
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    My dad’s girlfriend and I used to be on good terms. She was helpful with some wedding advice until she tried to take it over. She told me, in front of my venue coordinator I need to tell my best friend her daughter can’t be my flower girl. That I also need to tell my aunt that’s traveling from Texas that her kids can’t come. She also told me to use white linens, white napkins, and that my son should go home after the ceremony. She is also complaining about my dad’s generous offer to pay for our wedding.... Yeah I’m no longer speaking to her about the wedding. Even my dad was taken aback by her comments.

    My Dad told me his girlfriend has no business being involved in my wedding planning beyond what I’ve asked her opinion on. She’s very pushy and takes control ALL the time. My mom lives 4 hours away, so I do want I can when I see her. But even she’s told my dad that his girlfriend needs to back off because it’s not her place to interject herself into my wedding. 😨
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  • GoodMOB
    April 2018
    GoodMOB ·
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    Best scenario is that you include the dad's girlfriend when appropriate or possible, but not for the major decisions, such as dress-shopping with your mom.

    Sometimes, if you throw people a red herring (such as "let's go look at table linens together"), then she will feel included, without really having decision-making power. Another way to include her would be for her to do online research for you, (like maybe cake-toppers that fit an ideal you are looking for), saving you some time, and then you choose. Stick to small details that don't really matter too much to you.


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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Agree with this! At the very beginning, daughter's FFIL made comments about going dress shopping with her!?!???? This creeped both of us out really quick for SO many reasons.... (He and G don't have a great relationship, daughter's very private and not at all the "wedding dress entourage"-type, she didn't want her DAD who she is extremely close to involved in dress shopping with us so she certainly didn't want FFIL involved, etc.). We just made our plans to dress shop with just the two of us -- which was her very strong preference. She has involved FFIL in some other things -- like photography -- because that's super important to him (he's an amateur and he offered to pay for it), and she didn't say a word to him about dress shopping. He didn't find out until after her dress came in that it was a done deal. Pick and choose how/if YOU want dad's GF involved. Good luck!

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  • April
    Dedicated September 2018
    April ·
    • Flag
    Do you maybe feel a bit obligated to include her since dads paying for wedding?

    If not then, id say keep her in the loop out of courtesy but you have no reason to include her if her opinions/presence are not a must for you.
    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
    • Flag

    I think you handled the dress shopping issue well. In the future, I suggest you have a talk with your Mom first and find out what things she would appreciate being involved with. After that, you could include Dad's girlfriends in some of the other things. After all, they have been together for 3 years- probably longer than some of the members here who are planning weddings.

    Consulting with her or asking her opinion, doesn't mean you have to do what she says. There are many brides who ask someone's opinion, not because their opinion is necessary, but simply as a way of making that person feel included. It's just a way that you can nurture the relationship, without ignoring her and causing hurt feelings.

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  • K
    Expert October 2019
    Kierstin ·
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    She’s a nice woman but we have done something just her and I once. So I wouldn’t say we are really close or anything. I’ll take her opinions on things and what not. I just don’t want her to try to control the wedding stuff in my moms place. Also I’m closer to my fiancé’s mom than her. His parents live in town too.
    • Reply
  • K
    Expert October 2019
    Kierstin ·
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    Oh wow. She can be a bit much but not anywhere close this that I’ve seen! My mom lives 4 hours away to.
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  • K
    Expert October 2019
    Kierstin ·
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    That’s a good idea. Just don’t to give her too much power her taste in some things are a bit odd for my personal liking lol.
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  • K
    Expert October 2019
    Kierstin ·
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    That is a bit creepy.. sweet he wanted to be involved but creepy.

    Is there any ways I need to include her when it’s the big day? Like let her in the bridal suite, have her sit with the other moms etc? Oh also she has THREE teenage boys she has to deal with that day. They’re already complaining about coming to the wedding!
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  • K
    Expert October 2019
    Kierstin ·
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    No because it’s him paying not her. I’m just not sure what I need to include her on but I’ll do little things. I just don’t want her to over step. Like the day of she will have her 3 teenage sons to deal with and they’re wild. I don’t want to be stressed about what the heck they’re doing if she’s trying to help me with stuff.
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  • K
    Expert October 2019
    Kierstin ·
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    Good point. I’m going to try. Im not sure how much she needs to be included the day of. I can’t worry about everyone’s feelings that day. She has 3 teenage boys that get wild she will have to make sure stay in line. My fiancé , dada d I joked about them staying home for the wedding. She thought we were serious. Asked my dad after we left why? He said because they act like little lunatics and were already complaining about going to the wedding. I don’t want her worrying about trying to help me get ready as I will have my mom, my sister (moh) , my cousins (bms) and maybe my fiancé’s mom.
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  • Audrey
    Devoted October 2018
    Audrey ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, my moms getting married next week and I’m getting married in October. I told her when she got engaged a few months ago (I got engaged a couple months before Beth that even though I like her FH and he’s an amazing guy, he will be playing no part in my wedding. My mom was pretty okay with it and understood. Although, it’s I don’t know what he would even have a part in? But either way, he’s having no part.
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