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Dedicated June 2018

Dads girlfriend invited?

Dbs623, on June 20, 2018 at 10:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

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Originally, FH and I decided and requested that both of our parents not bring dates. They are both divorced. I have been very vocal and clear to my dad and his girlfriend (I’ve known her less than a year. This is the 3rd one in 3 years.) that this was how I felt. She messaged me today and asked what she should wear. I asked my dad if he remembered that we discussed this and he informed me he would talk to her. Am I being unfair by not wanting this particular fling to sit my wedding out? My dad acts like a 16 year old around her and they’re constantly all over each other, making out, disregarding any present company and I just don’t feel that it’s an appropriate time for her to be introduced at such a big event.

(Side story: my dad doesn’t do a good job of actually informing people of these decisions. 2 years ago, he asked if he could bring that girlfriend at the time to a family vacation to. We said no. She drove herself after he said that she wasn’t coming, stayed at our hotel, and one night, he faked sick and pretended to be next to dying while he was at dinner with her at another park.)

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20 Comments

Latest activity by Red Queen, on June 21, 2018 at 2:41 PM

Master June 2016
Sarah · on June 20, 2018 at 10:02 PM
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Yes, you’re being unfair. Couples are a social unit and should be invited as such. The only exception to this rule is if she abused or threatened you or another one of your guests.
Devoted September 2018
Neens · on June 20, 2018 at 10:19 PM
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I agree with Sarah, OP. What if this ends up being your dads long term partner? She would probably be very hurt. I understand it’s frustrating, but it is what it is.
Master August 2019
Tpatb · on June 20, 2018 at 10:24 PM
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I’d reconsider letting her come as well. It’s your dad after all.
Dedicated September 2018
A · on June 20, 2018 at 10:33 PM
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I think if neither your mom or dad bring dates inorder for there not be a scene or a very uncomfortable situation for either of them I think that's ok. I would pose it as such though not as your Dad's girlfriends is not invited. If my parents were divorced and not on good terms I woul respectfully ask them not to bring a date for the good of yourself as well as them.
Dedicated April 2019
Meaghan · on June 20, 2018 at 10:37 PM
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No, I don't think you're being unfair. They have been together for less than a year. If everyone else managed to abide by your request, just because she's pushy doesn't mean she gets an invite. Otherwise you have to allow everyone to bring a plus one. I'm sure this will not be a popular opinion, but if you don't like her (I'm reading between the lines here) why have her at your wedding?
Super October 2017
OrangeCrush · on June 20, 2018 at 10:39 PM
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I agree. Suppose she sticks around for a while? I was divorced before I got remarried (obviously) and if a grown child told me i couldnt bring a date I would be offended, and i am pretty chill.
Dedicated June 2018
Dbs623 · on June 20, 2018 at 10:40 PM
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I agree. I don’t dislike her. At this point, I am skeptical of his relationships. Possibly.... one day.... she might be in the picture still... maybe. But if not, why have her in my wedding?
Master June 2016
Sarah · on June 20, 2018 at 10:56 PM
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She won’t be in your wedding, she’ll be at your wedding. By this logic, no significant other/spouse should be invited because everyone has the possibility of not being in the picture forever. My aunt and uncle got divorced after 26 years of marriage. On the other side of that, my cousin’s random tinder hookup 3 years ago just became her husband. You never know what’s going to happen with anyone’s relationships and it isn’t fair to judge that.
Master August 2017
firstoneat56 · on June 20, 2018 at 11:05 PM
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I don’t think I would call your reaction unfair. I’d call it innapropriate. If you were invited to a wedding and were asked to leave your significant other home, would you like it? Sheesh! They’re your parents, not your children.
Expert April 2019
Little Star · on June 20, 2018 at 11:31 PM
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Not to be all in your business, but did your parents have a nasty divorce? Will there be an issue between them if they bring dates? If so, I can understand your concern, but they should put that aside for your day.

I would let your dad bring his girlfriend. As others have said, it’s not fair to assume that this relationship won’t last.
Expert August 2018
Heather · on June 20, 2018 at 11:46 PM
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Yikes. I would not be telling my parents, of all people, that they can't have a plus 1 at my wedding.

She's going to be AT your wedding. Not IN. That's a big difference.
Beginner July 2018
Katie · on June 21, 2018 at 12:01 AM
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I would tell her the situation myself. Sometimes significant others can sugar coat things a little too much. Don't feel bad. It's your wedding.
Savvy May 2019
Gabrielle · on June 21, 2018 at 12:07 AM
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I agree with Meaghan. I would never allow someone to cause negative energy or distract me from my wedding day. This is one of the biggest days of your life. Your parents will understand. Do what makes you happy and try not to focus on them (although they are your parents; this can be difficult). I would certainly try to avoid unnecessary drama at any cost.
Devoted May 2019
Rebecca · on June 21, 2018 at 1:19 AM
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You've known her for less than a year, but she went on a family trip 2 years ago? This doesn't seem like a fling if she has been around for numerous years... I think the problem is less that she hasn't been around long and more that you haven't taken the time to get to know the woman your dad is with. You really should invite her. She doesn't have to be in the wedding party or in your family pictures, but why not let her at the event in general?
Champion December 2017
earias · on June 21, 2018 at 2:49 AM
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Yes you need to invite her. She's his girlfriend and it doesn't matter how well you know her or what you think of their relationship. Not only is this proper etiquette for people in relationships in general but this is your dad, a VIP, who should be treated with respect including respecting his relationship.
Dedicated June 2018
Dbs623 · on June 21, 2018 at 4:07 AM
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No this was a different girlfriend.
Dedicated June 2018
Jamie · on June 21, 2018 at 7:43 AM
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I agree that you’re out of line here.
Dedicated May 2018
Samantha · on June 21, 2018 at 10:30 AM
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I don't think it's valid to not invite her because you think their relationship isn't serious enough. She is clearly important to your father and he probably would like to celebrate this day with everyone he loves.
Dedicated July 2018
Amber · on June 21, 2018 at 11:02 AM
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I don’t think it’s unfair it’s your and your FH wedding you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable at your wedding. I have a similar situation my parents are divorced my mom cheated on my dad which cause my mom and I to have a strained relationship for a while. My dad is still single and hurt over it but it has brought me and him closer. My mom is still with the guy she cheated with it’s been like 3 years. I have never met him, never want to, he’s not welcome in our home or at our wedding!

VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on June 21, 2018 at 2:41 PM
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I think it's rude to tell your parents they can't have a date. I'm divorced from my ex husband, if my son was old enough to marry and told me I couldn't have a date just because my ex and I are on bad terms I would be very hurt.