Hi all - I'm feeling very frustrated! I fell pregnant (totally a surprise) and am currently 22 weeks. My boyfriend and I have been together over three years and have decided to get married. We wanted to do a small ceremony on the beach, very intimate. Both of our moms have passed away. We originally wanted to just have our dads come to bear witness, but as my dad has a new wife and his dad is engaged we decided to include them both in the ceremony. My youngest brother was also invited, but my other brother and his two brothers are unable to come due to location limitations and it being short notice and everything.
All seemed to be going well, until my dad tells me I need to ask my stepmom's parents to come to the ceremony. His parents are shut ins in another state and would not come. I know my dad has gotten close with her father, but I don't really have the same relationship with them at all. My boyfriend and I have other people in our lives we would have liked to include, but decided keeping it small was the best rule of thumb with only immediate family invited. I respectfully told them both no, that it was our joint decision not to include them. I reinforced that we respected them, but at the end of the day it's our ceremony and we want it to remain as private as possible.
He flipped out at me telling me it was disappointing and sad that I let my partner decide everything. This was simply not the case. My stepmom then sent me a text saying how I obviously didn't see her as anything more than my 'dad's wife', and she would not be attending. I called my dad to talk about it, and he basically said unless I call my step mom and grovel, and invite her parents, he would not be attending either.
It's breaking my heart because I don't have my mom around and of course I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle. It's been a common theme though for him to side with the women in his life over me. I tried to explain my feelings, but he shut down and refused to discuss it further unless I 'made things right,' and even then he said he believes I've done irreparable damage to my relationship with my stepmom over this 'simple request'.
I guess I just need some input on if I handled it well. Any insight is welcome. We are planning on doing a religious ceremony and reception in a few years once we have our careers more settled. Obviously there, her parents are more than welcome to attend.
