Dad & stepdad

The toast? Or have him introduce your first dance? He can walk you in and "pass" you off to your dad?

View Quoted Comment I as well was going to say a toast at least gives him a presence. Maybe give a gift like a father of the bride? I'm not too sure as you don't want to take away from your birth dad (if ya'll are close)?

I am in a similar situation. I don't want to deprive my dad of the traditional father / daughter wedding traditions, but I also have a step dad (mom's bf of 20 years) that I really want to acknowledge too. As of right now, the only thing I can think of is picking out a song for us to dance to, but not have it be announced as a special dance that everyone has to watch. That way we don't overdo our official dances. I'm thinking the DJ will ask him to join me on the dance floor when it is time to play that song, and encourage everyone else to dance too. Other than that, maybe you could give a speech recognizing him at your reception? Oh, and give him a boutineer to wear (if you plan to have the dads wear them). Also, is there any way you'd be able to politely "let your mom down easy" and let her know traditionally the MOB doesn't get a dance, and you'd like to give it to your step dad instead? For my mom, because she was such a strong hard working single mother for so long, I plan to surprise her with a slideshow of pictures of me growing up / her raising me, while playing the song "Mama's Song" by Carrie Underwood. Just because she really deserves some special acknowledgement for all that she has done for me.

Here is what I think:
1- give him a present as you would for mom and dad
2- have him walk the wedding with your mom to entrance ceremony and then reception.

I wouldn’t do any of the ones you mention. A toast is something your dad can also take it wrong since that’s more of his job. I don’t come from divorce parents but in my wedding my dad is the one walking me while my FMIL is walking fiancé. My mom and my FFIL are staying in the back. I think if in normal weddings we don’t celebrate or include moms and dads on everything we shouldn’t have to include stepdads. You’re doing something to include him but he can’t be match up to your dad. I’m sure your mom would understand that and a present as well as a opportunity to walk with your mom and be presented as a family member is enough for him to feel appreciative and it won’t be offended to your dad.
Thats just my opinion.

I agree with a PP that mentioned doing a toast. If you want to have a special dance with him, I say do it, but cut the time of the songs down to 1-2 minutes so that you don’t have 20
minutes of dances for people to sit through.

Maybe for the 2nd mother (whichever he is leas close too) and the stepdad you can do a combined dance. Like dance to the same song. And I would just not do a dance with your mother unless your father was not in your life, which based on the question in general, it appears he is. Your mother should understand as it is fairly uncommon for the daughter to dance with both parents

Asking your step father can he please stand by guest sign table help with different activities for the guest. Like a example of kindness to remind your guest to sign in. Then allso can help with guest by showing them a around.

Properly, when an usher escorts your mother to her seat, her husband or boyfriend walks directly behind them. Both are part of the special seating before procession. He can do a 1-2 minute speech / toast if you want. As to dances, most people at weddings get bored with multiple spotlight dances. You can dance with hubby, alone. And then do it the traditional way: DJ or family announces, next, bride will dance with her father, and groom will dance with his motger. And for thos and all further dances, the couple would like you to all join them on the dance floor. So B and G and partners Dad, mom, step on the dance floor, wait for others, then dance. And for next dances, each of you goes through your planned dance cards, dance with step dad or mom , or grandfather and grandmother, whoever. father, groom with mom, and these can be regular dances not short versions. This thing of multiple spotlight dances, more than two, B and G, then B /dad while G/mom at the same time, is a new thing that started in the movies and TV. And while the band or DJ might be instructed to play certain songs, a separate song and separate spotlight dance was not done for everyone. You proceed to dance with your pledged Dances to family, in order. But while everyone else dances. No musical intros like a variety show, no having guests like a celebrity audience, watching performers. After the initial B and G spotlight, everyone dances. You can each do 3 or 6 or whatever special dances. And arrange the order, and start and leave the floor, bride and partner, groom and partner, from an agreed on place suitable for photographer's dance photo of each of you with special partner, and others dancing in the background. Traditions came about because so many people preferred it that way, so everyone did it. These days, people imitate celebrities, movies, and TV. But for special dances, all but first can be done with others dancing too, and most guests would appreciate not sitting and watching for 20, sometimes more, minutes of too many spotlight dances.

Could you and FH maybe pair up for the special dances? For example, you and your dad dance while FH dances with one of his moms. And then you and mom's boyfriend dance while FH dances with his other mom? That way it's not overloading the guests with dances. Or asking him to do a toast (if he's comfortable) would be nice as well.

My stepfather has been in my life for 10 years, and he just proposed to my mother. He was there & helped me financially a lot (and still does). But my father is VERY important & plays an active role in my life financially & emotionally. My father will walk me down the aisle, have the father daughter dance with me, and give the FOB speech. My stepfather will escort my mom down the aisle, he will be mentioned in the program for escorting her as "The Bride's Stepfather", and if he wants to he can give a short speech at the rehearsal dinner (we are opening the RD to speeches anyone wants to give since only the BM, MOH, and FOB will speak at the wedding). I'm also giving him a gift on the day of the wedding, he is getting ready with the groomsmen along with my dad & the groom's dad, his family is invited to the RD, and he is getting a boutineer.

I am having my step dad walk me half way down the isle, and then handing me off to my real dad. Compromise!

Thank you all for your sugguestions!

I will definitely include him with butonnieres and I’m thinking I may do a ‘first look’ with him and my dad.

I do have a very long aisle to walk down so I’m thinking to possibly have him walk me up to the point where the seating begins and then my dad take over from there. If I don’t do that I will definitely have him walk my mom down the aisle.

View Quoted Comment

I like this idea.... maybe a "halfway down the aisle" thing, a la Meghan Markle, except with two dads instead of one?

Could you have both walk you down the aisle?

And maybe for the dances you can dance with your dad while he dances with his mom, then dance with your step dad while he dances with his other mom?

Well, I was kind of in the same boat, my father has been gone for 22 years, but the huge decision was "who was going to walk me down the aisle." There's bad water between my Godfather & mother, so that was a very tough situation for me to stand up to my mom and tell her that I wanted my Godfather to walk me down the aisle. So I then suggested a father/daughter dance with my Stepdad, in stead of doing one with my mother. I'm not doing the full songs, just the chorus and a few lines. I would just suggest to your mom, a father/daughter dance with your stepdad instead of a mother/daughter dance. Remember you can choose the length of the songs and discuss it with your musician/DJ. I completely agree that these dances add up quickly, just shorten the length of the song... just my opinion.

Following. I think I'll have my stepdad escort me into the reception (the ceremony is after). My FH's dad is walking me down the aisle, but we aren't doing the dances with parents. My mom has been with my stepdad for 11 years, and while I have not met my FIL in person yet, I just have a special place in my heart for him (they have a tragic back story). So I wanted him to walk me. I just don't know what, or even if I want my stepdad to do anything. I just wouldn't know how to tell them when it comes up.