Dad problems

Hey it’s your wedding and no one said you had to be walked by him. I didn’t have anyone walk me, I just walked down by myself. It wasn’t even to shade my dad, it was simply cause I felt that journey to my husband was on my own.

View Quoted Comment Agreed ! That's because my step mom just kept saying it's tradition it's what you're supposed to do but nothing we are doing is traditional

My father asked the same question, and I had to tell him outright that my brother was walking me down the aisle. My dad and I have had a rocky relationship ever since my parents divorced, and he’s not exactly someone I’ve been able to rely on. My stepfather and father don’t care for each other either, but I felt bad not asking my stepfather because he raised me from the time I was a teenager. My brother is closest to me besides my fiancé, so it felt right for me to make that choice. My father was upset about it, but at the end of the day, it’s my wedding, and my fiancé and I are paying for the entire thing. I hope you get what you want at the end of the day! It’s your big day, and you should have someone who is always there for you walk you down the aisle!

My father wasn’t a good one either. I always try to keep the peace, so he will be walking me down the isle along with my grandfather who I really wanted to walk me. My father is also having health problems so I don’t want to regret it when he passes away. However my father has also always been in my life, he was horrible at it but he was there. If he didn’t come into my life until high school I wouldn’t feel obligated at all to have him walk me down the isle.

I’m walking alone, even though my dad and I are great. But it’s a second wedding for both of us and I love the idea/significance of walking alone to meet FH at the “alter”. But having your 2 daughters walk with you is an idea too.

It’s your day and you should do whatever makes you comfortable. Have your daughters walk with you if that’s what you want.

Your feelings come first on this one! Definitely don't feel like you have to have someone whose presence will make you uncomfortable walk you down the aisle. I love your idea to have your daughters walk with you, and the suggestions to walk alone. Set yourself up so that your walk down the aisle can be a moment of joy you can look forward to, rather than one that will make you nervous.

It's your wedding. Do you. Dont worry about huring others unless you know your actions are not genuine.

Screw it-walk with your mom. Or if you want both, start with one and half way, hand off to the other one.

I'm probably going to overstep a line, here, and I apologize in advance, but this was my first thought:

Why are you concerned about the feelings of someone who clearly doesn't care about yours?

I realize this is a tough thing to think about when it's a parent, but I have learned the hard way to think that way about my mother. You say he comes to town, doesn't tell you, doesn't see his grandkids, and then... expects to walk you down the aisle?

How does he think he even deserves that honor? Walking you down the aisle is a gift you give to someone dear to you, someone who has been there for you, who means so much to you, you want them to stand by you as you get married. Your stepfather has been there for you, so has your mom, your daughters are your world, any of them could walk you down the aisle and support you and be happy for you on your day. Your father clearly wants the trappings of "FOB"... but none of the work. (And I don't mean paying for things. I mean the work of being a functioning member of your family.)

He has no right to be hurt by your *very kind* "I don't know."

Please do not feel bound by "tradition" or "expectations", when they could hurt you so deeply. Pick whomever you want to walk you down the aisle - your mother, your stepfather, your daughters, or just your own amazing self.

But do not feel guilty about telling your father no.

"No" is not only a complete sentence, it does not need a reason, though, in this case, you laid out a lifetime of reasons in your post.

Father's giving away their daughters to another man is outdated anyways. You own yourself. You'll look amazing walking down on your own

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I am so glad Rebecca said all of this, because it was my thoughts exactly. Tradition is what you make of it. Traditionally, a father raises his child, but that wasn’t the case here either. Don’t worry about his feelings, this is all your choice! I don’t really have a relationship with my dad either. He lives halfway across the state, and we rarely talk. I told him I was getting married, but he’s not invited. Your father should be honored he’s even on the guest list. Stand your ground, you don’t owe him (or anyone) an explanation.

I am not super into all of the traditions of weddings either. My step dad will not be walking me down the aisle, nor will he even be invited to the wedding. (personal reasons) My mom is actually going to be the one walking me down the aisle and she knows this. I am sure she is not thrilled her husband won't be there, but at the end of the day it is my wedding. It took me a long time to realize I could say no, even if it hurt his feelings. I think if you do not want him to do it, that is completely your right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Update to this is My dad texted me and told me he will not be attending my wedding because he is to embarrassed and ashamed that he is not walking me down the aisle . He also told me that when I told him I didn't know who was walking me down the aisle that he felt there was no point on going on anymore 🙃 and EVERYONE from his side of the family "randomly" all decided that they aren't coming to my wedding either .

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I am sure that probably made you feel like crap. I am in a similar situation as you, and honestly they should not be there if they don't want to support you anyways. They do not seem to really care about you if that is the reason they are not coming. I am sorry that happened to you though!

My father left my mom and I after I graduated HS, moved to another country, and hasn't kept contact since. I was really close to my dad growing up, we were best friends, but I decided to just have my mother walk me down the aisle instead. I had no problem with making the decision, but I think it's because my dad just said 'congrats' after I told him I was engaged, and hasn't contacted me since. So I don't think my dad expects to walk me down the aisle.

I think that if you want someone to walk you down, your daughters are a very sweet touch!