So my dad texted me a month ago asking if he was walking me down the aisle and I told him I'm not sure yet and then he never texted me back . It's been a month and my step mom said it's because he's so hurt by what I said . My dad didn't come back into my life until I was a sophomore in high school and when he comes to town he never tells me or bothers to come see me . I always find out he was in town after he leaves to go back home. He always says he's gonna come visit me and my daughters but ALWAYS BAILS the day he's supposed to come . My step dad has been in my life since I was little but me and him aren't that close i guess you can say and I can't have both of them because they hate each other . I feel like i should just walk by myself or have my daughters walk with me or something . I just dont want to hurt anyone's feelings 🙃
Hey it’s your wedding and no one said you had to be walked by him. I didn’t have anyone walk me, I just walked down by myself. It wasn’t even to shade my dad, it was simply cause I felt that journey to my husband was on my own.
My father asked the same question, and I had to tell him outright that my brother was walking me down the aisle. My dad and I have had a rocky relationship ever since my parents divorced, and he’s not exactly someone I’ve been able to rely on. My stepfather and father don’t care for each other either, but I felt bad not asking my stepfather because he raised me from the time I was a teenager. My brother is closest to me besides my fiancé, so it felt right for me to make that choice. My father was upset about it, but at the end of the day, it’s my wedding, and my fiancé and I are paying for the entire thing. I hope you get what you want at the end of the day! It’s your big day, and you should have someone who is always there for you walk you down the aisle!
My father wasn’t a good one either. I always try to keep the peace, so he will be walking me down the isle along with my grandfather who I really wanted to walk me. My father is also having health problems so I don’t want to regret it when he passes away. However my father has also always been in my life, he was horrible at it but he was there. If he didn’t come into my life until high school I wouldn’t feel obligated at all to have him walk me down the isle.
I’m walking alone, even though my dad and I are great. But it’s a second wedding for both of us and I love the idea/significance of walking alone to meet FH at the “alter”. But having your 2 daughters walk with you is an idea too.
Your feelings come first on this one! Definitely don't feel like you have to have someone whose presence will make you uncomfortable walk you down the aisle. I love your idea to have your daughters walk with you, and the suggestions to walk alone. Set yourself up so that your walk down the aisle can be a moment of joy you can look forward to, rather than one that will make you nervous.
I'm probably going to overstep a line, here, and I apologize in advance, but this was my first thought:
Why are you concerned about the feelings of someone who clearly doesn't care about yours?
I realize this is a tough thing to think about when it's a parent, but I have learned the hard way to think that way about my mother. You say he comes to town, doesn't tell you, doesn't see his grandkids, and then... expects to walk you down the aisle?
How does he think he even deserves that honor? Walking you down the aisle is a gift you give to someone dear to you, someone who has been there for you, who means so much to you, you want them to stand by you as you get married. Your stepfather has been there for you, so has your mom, your daughters are your world, any of them could walk you down the aisle and support you and be happy for you on your day. Your father clearly wants the trappings of "FOB"... but none of the work. (And I don't mean paying for things. I mean the work of being a functioning member of your family.)
He has no right to be hurt by your *very kind* "I don't know."
Please do not feel bound by "tradition" or "expectations", when they could hurt you so deeply. Pick whomever you want to walk you down the aisle - your mother, your stepfather, your daughters, or just your own amazing self.
But do not feel guilty about telling your father no.
"No" is not only a complete sentence, it does not need a reason, though, in this case, you laid out a lifetime of reasons in your post.
I am so glad Rebecca said all of this, because it was my thoughts exactly. Tradition is what you make of it. Traditionally, a father raises his child, but that wasn’t the case here either. Don’t worry about his feelings, this is all your choice! I don’t really have a relationship with my dad either. He lives halfway across the state, and we rarely talk. I told him I was getting married, but he’s not invited. Your father should be honored he’s even on the guest list. Stand your ground, you don’t owe him (or anyone) an explanation.