We're here to help you keep moving forward, no matter what your plans are.

Andrea
Beginner November 2020

Dad problems

Andrea, on September 13, 2020 at 2:26 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
Saved Save
Reply
So my dad texted me a month ago asking if he was walking me down the aisle and I told him I'm not sure yet and then he never texted me back . It's been a month and my step mom said it's because he's so hurt by what I said . My dad didn't come back into my life until I was a sophomore in high school and when he comes to town he never tells me or bothers to come see me . I always find out he was in town after he leaves to go back home. He always says he's gonna come visit me and my daughters but ALWAYS BAILS the day he's supposed to come . My step dad has been in my life since I was little but me and him aren't that close i guess you can say and I can't have both of them because they hate each other . I feel like i should just walk by myself or have my daughters walk with me or something . I just dont want to hurt anyone's feelings 馃檭

12 Comments

Latest activity by Suzie, on September 21, 2020 at 9:09 PM
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle
    • Flag
    Hey it鈥檚 your wedding and no one said you had to be walked by him. I didn鈥檛 have anyone walk me, I just walked down by myself. It wasn鈥檛 even to shade my dad, it was simply cause I felt that journey to my husband was on my own.
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Beginner November 2020
    Andrea
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Agreed ! That's because my step mom just kept saying it's tradition it's what you're supposed to do but nothing we are doing is traditional
    • Reply
  • Futuremrsn
    Devoted October 2020
    Futuremrsn
    • Flag
    My father asked the same question, and I had to tell him outright that my brother was walking me down the aisle. My dad and I have had a rocky relationship ever since my parents divorced, and he鈥檚 not exactly someone I鈥檝e been able to rely on. My stepfather and father don鈥檛 care for each other either, but I felt bad not asking my stepfather because he raised me from the time I was a teenager. My brother is closest to me besides my fianc茅, so it felt right for me to make that choice. My father was upset about it, but at the end of the day, it鈥檚 my wedding, and my fianc茅 and I are paying for the entire thing. I hope you get what you want at the end of the day! It鈥檚 your big day, and you should have someone who is always there for you walk you down the aisle!
    • Reply
  • J
    Savvy May 2021
    Jessilyn
    • Flag
    My father wasn鈥檛 a good one either. I always try to keep the peace, so he will be walking me down the isle along with my grandfather who I really wanted to walk me. My father is also having health problems so I don鈥檛 want to regret it when he passes away. However my father has also always been in my life, he was horrible at it but he was there. If he didn鈥檛 come into my life until high school I wouldn鈥檛 feel obligated at all to have him walk me down the isle.
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle
    • Flag
    I鈥檓 walking alone, even though my dad and I are great. But it鈥檚 a second wedding for both of us and I love the idea/significance of walking alone to meet FH at the 鈥渁lter鈥. But having your 2 daughters walk with you is an idea too.
    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy
    • Flag
    It鈥檚 your day and you should do whatever makes you comfortable. Have your daughters walk with you if that鈥檚 what you want.
    • Reply
  • Jessalyn
    Dedicated September 2020
    Jessalyn
    • Flag

    Your feelings come first on this one! Definitely don't feel like you have to have someone whose presence will make you uncomfortable walk you down the aisle. I love your idea to have your daughters walk with you, and the suggestions to walk alone. Set yourself up so that your walk down the aisle can be a moment of joy you can look forward to, rather than one that will make you nervous.

    • Reply
  • Kell
    Super March 2021
    Kell
    • Flag
    It's your wedding. Do you. Dont worry about huring others unless you know your actions are not genuine.
    • Reply
  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie
    • Flag

    Screw it-walk with your mom. Or if you want both, start with one and half way, hand off to the other one.

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca
    • Flag

    I'm probably going to overstep a line, here, and I apologize in advance, but this was my first thought:

    Why are you concerned about the feelings of someone who clearly doesn't care about yours?

    I realize this is a tough thing to think about when it's a parent, but I have learned the hard way to think that way about my mother. You say he comes to town, doesn't tell you, doesn't see his grandkids, and then... expects to walk you down the aisle?

    How does he think he even deserves that honor? Walking you down the aisle is a gift you give to someone dear to you, someone who has been there for you, who means so much to you, you want them to stand by you as you get married. Your stepfather has been there for you, so has your mom, your daughters are your world, any of them could walk you down the aisle and support you and be happy for you on your day. Your father clearly wants the trappings of "FOB"... but none of the work. (And I don't mean paying for things. I mean the work of being a functioning member of your family.)

    He has no right to be hurt by your *very kind* "I don't know."

    Please do not feel bound by "tradition" or "expectations", when they could hurt you so deeply. Pick whomever you want to walk you down the aisle - your mother, your stepfather, your daughters, or just your own amazing self.

    But do not feel guilty about telling your father no.

    "No" is not only a complete sentence, it does not need a reason, though, in this case, you laid out a lifetime of reasons in your post.

    • Reply
  • Alexandria
    Savvy May 2021
    Alexandria
    • Flag

    Father's giving away their daughters to another man is outdated anyways. You own yourself. You'll look amazing walking down on your own Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Suzie
    Super October 2020
    Suzie
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I am so glad Rebecca said all of this, because it was my thoughts exactly. Tradition is what you make of it. Traditionally, a father raises his child, but that wasn鈥檛 the case here either. Don鈥檛 worry about his feelings, this is all your choice! I don鈥檛 really have a relationship with my dad either. He lives halfway across the state, and we rarely talk. I told him I was getting married, but he鈥檚 not invited. Your father should be honored he鈥檚 even on the guest list. Stand your ground, you don鈥檛 owe him (or anyone) an explanation.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles