Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted October 2019

Dad issues

Alyssa, on August 30, 2019 at 11:45 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

Saved

Flag
Hide content

I need to vent, but at the same time I need advice. My dad and I have never been close. He’s always been in and out of my life and more out than in. Honestly, I have a lot of resentment towards him. The past year he’s come around a little more than he ever has. By a little more I mean one visit every few months and more texts checking up. Recently he has given us money to help with our wedding, which I appreciate completely and I let him know that but now I’m afraid he’s going to think he’s going to have the privilege to walk me down the aisle. I’ve already decided that I want my mom and brother to do it, but at the same time I don’t want to hurt my dad’s feelings. I’m really stuck at this point. I want him there for his support and maybe even consider having the father daughter dance but walking me down the aisle to me is a big deal and I honestly don’t feel he’s proven himself enough. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Sorry for for the long post! And thanks to anyone who took the time to read it.

Flag
Hide content

7 Comments

Latest activity by Alejandra, on September 3, 2019 at 8:10 AM

Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on August 31, 2019 at 1:20 AM
Flag

Hide content
Nope, not wrong at all. Your offer of the daughter-father dance is sweet. If you’d rather prep him about the walk you could say something like, “Dad, mom & ‘bro’s name’ will walk me down the aisle. I’d really like to do the father-daughter dance with you. Are you interested in doing that?” So he still gets to decide but hopefully he’ll be happy you offered to share some wedding tradition with him.
- Reply
Super July 2020
D · on August 31, 2019 at 2:54 AM
Flag

Hide content
You're not wrong. You get to feel that way. I agree with Pirate & 60's bride to let him know what you'd like to do. Father/daughter dance is quite an honor too.
- Reply
Just Said Yes September 2019
Annie · on August 31, 2019 at 10:20 AM
Flag

Hide content
Same situation here. Parents divorced when I was in high school and dad did a lot of stuff that was hurtful and disruptive. We didn't talk for many years. Past few years we have actually reconciled because I decided I don't want any bad relationships haunting me, and he's been very nice and supportive (also gave us money for wedding) but I still never considered having him walk me down the aisle. It'd just be so strange and inappropriate to me to highlight only this one family member relationship in my life when it's so fraught and i have many other family members I'm close to. I'm walking down by myself and strangely not worried about it. You deserve to do whatever you're comfortable Reit with!

I will say that I'm also really conflicted about the dance though (seems just as intimate/potentially awkward as aisle,) but i want to let my fiance dance w his mom and then itd be weird if i didnt...
- Reply
Devoted October 2019
Alyssa · on September 2, 2019 at 11:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thanks I really hope so. I really worry about hurting his feelings, but at the same time he knows what kind of father he has been my whole life and shouldn’t expect that he gets to walk me.
- Reply
Devoted October 2019
Alyssa · on September 2, 2019 at 11:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I really thought so too. Thanks!
- Reply
Devoted October 2019
Alyssa · on September 2, 2019 at 11:24 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I myself kinda hesitated about the dance as well, but I’ve always wanted to be able to experience that father daughter dance. Since my mom is walking me down the aisle I am dancing with her. We will have our mother daughter dance. I know it’s not traditional but she’s always had my back and I want that moment with her.
- Reply

Super November 2021
Alejandra · on September 3, 2019 at 8:10 AM
Flag

Hide content
Not wrong at all. My dad cheated on my mom and left when I was 18, and tried to lie to me about what he was doing. I was 18, not stupid. I saw everything. I spoke to him once after that, and haven’t spoken to him since. He and no one from his side of the family will be attending. I do not give people the choice to come in and out of my life multiple times. I feel better knowing he won’t be at my wedding. He was like this with my sisters, although they were much more receptive to his advances than I was, and he still comes and goes from their lives as he pleases. If you don’t want him to walk you down the aisle, that’s your decision. He doesn’t have a say. And if you’re worried about his hurt feelings, you’re probably giving him more consideration than he deserves.
- Reply