Dad Issues— bad situation

I’m seriously so broken up about this and I need advice, not judgement. So please, please consider that before you read this.

My relationship with my biological father has been virtually non-existent since he and my mom divorced when I was 2 years old. He was more of a “phone-parent” —and that’s only WHEN he called.

Shortly after my parents’ divorce, my mom remarried and my stepdad practically raised me. I thought of him as my father, and he treated me like his own daughter. He and my mom had a pretty rough relationship when I was growing up. Let’s just say that he was a good parent, but not a good husband. Their marriage was riddled with infidelity on his behalf. Affairs, porn addictions, you name it—all of which resulted in my mother suffering from debilitating alcoholism and their marriage subsequently crumbling. I found out about all of the affairs as a teen, around the time of their divorce, and I held a grudge for a very long time.

When I was about 20 (I’m 24 now) I decided to let go of everything and try to separate who he was as a husband and who he was as a father. After he and my mother split, he seemed like he was getting on the right path. He started going to church and making an effort to make up for everything. I’m not religious myself, but I recognize that it can change people and his church attendance was a sign that he was actively trying. We became close and he supported me through college while my mom was drinking all day and night (thank goodness she went to rehab and is sober now). I really thought he had changed for the better and regained trust in him.

After I graduated, my fiancé and I got engaged. Dad was elated and took us out to dinner. At dinner, he offered us $1,000 to pay for the wedding, and after much protest, we ended up accepting. This was about 1 yr ago.

Now, I’m wishing we had never accepted his offer for help because crap has absolutely hit the fan in the past two months. My fiancée and I found out that my dad hasn’t changed at all. He still has absolutely ZERO self control around women. We know this because my FMIL, who I love dearly and am very close with, confided in us that my dad was sending her flirtatious photos and messages on Facebook. He went as far as asking her out for drinks a few times, to which she didn’t respond. And, as if it gets any worse, my dad is ENGAGED. It’s clear now that he is still the same person he was, but is even more boundary stomping. I just don’t understand how he could do this to me—no, to HER. She didn’t ask for any of that and I’m beyond upset and embarrassed that he made her feel uncomfortable like that. I never confronted him about it, only because my FMIL begged me not to. He clearly has no respect for me, my FMiL, or my fiancée and I feel so betrayed.

But wait, there’s more! My sister and I recently found out he’s been unfaithful to his fiancée with several other women. How did we find out, you ask? Well, my sister stumbled upon a group he had been posting in on Facebook. His posts mostly consisted of suggestive comments to other women and him telling them that he “PM’d” them. After much thought, my sister and I decided the right thing to do would be to tell his fiancée. Of course, she came to me about it first, and I’m not gonna lie: I had a hard time telling her it was a bad idea. So, we ended up telling fiancée. Long story short, dad found out that we were the ones who told fiancée about his actions and has since cut off contact with both of us.

Obviously after all of this, I don’t want him at the wedding anymore. Honestly, I would have uninvited him and cut him a check if I could, but the money has been spent (hello, poor financial decisions—oh, how I have learned from them) and I would feel so dirty taking his money and not inviting him. But, I don’t want FMIL or my fiancée to be uncomfortable. And WHY would I want him at my wedding when he tried to ruin my fiancé’s family?!

Please, if you have any advice to offer, I would really appreciate it. Even if it’s just advice on how to get through the day. Thanks for reading.