Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Super June 2022

Cutting people out of our wedding pre-planning?

Rachel, on August 27, 2020 at 2:24 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hi, everyone -

I’m sure all brides have been through this issue... but I am having a harder and harder time with my future MIL. While it’s obvious that my fiancé and I will be doing the planning ourselves for our wedding, the topic of our engagement photos is now on the table. He and I decided that we would love to have photos taken in the snow. We don’t live too far from Tahoe and we found a great company that is located there that would know the best photo spots and when the snowy weather will be the best. As most of you know, we are getting married on the beach so I wanted to do these photos as a nice contrast and we also just love the look of these snow photos! Anyways, When I told my MIL about our idea (I keep her in the loop as a courtesy or just to make sure she doesn’t feel left out about certain things), she said she is “surprised we didn’t pick Santa Cruz, and we could probably get some great shots at the Boardwalk”. Santa Cruz is where our wedding will be and while I love it there, I want to do this instead since I want our wedding photos to be the only photos we take in Santa Cruz. I had to have a conversation about this with my fiancé because it seems as though whenever we tell her any of our ideas and our plans, we receive a backhanded comment or suggestion that goes against what we want. My fiancé said that this is her MO and this is why he unfortunately chooses not to share much information with her. I am seeing his point, but I am now having to make a difficult decision regarding how much info we share with her. Our wedding is two years away, so I don’t want to have to keep dealing with this between now and then. Has anyone else had to keep people out of the majority of the wedding pre-planning or planning in general? Also, who says your engagement photos have to be at your wedding destination?
Photos below of what my fiancé and I are thinking! 😊
Cutting people out of our wedding pre-planning? 1

Cutting people out of our wedding pre-planning? 1

Cutting people out of our wedding pre-planning? 2

Cutting people out of our wedding pre-planning? 3

Cutting people out of our wedding pre-planning? 4

Flag
Hide content

8 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs.a, on August 28, 2020 at 8:02 AM

VIP September 2020
Molly · on August 27, 2020 at 2:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think photos in the snow will be great! Plus they can double as Christmas card photos! I would stop talking to you FMIL about wedding planning. I had to do this with some of my family members and I am much better off for it.
- Reply
Legend July 2022
Lisa · on August 27, 2020 at 2:38 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think winter engagement photos are beautiful!! Especially since your wedding will be on a beach, I think winter is a perfect time for your engagement photos!

As for your FMIL's comments, you could tell her that yes, you probably could get some beautiful pictures at the boardwalk, but you're choosing a different time/location instead. If she continues to try to change whatever plans you make, I think it makes sense to maybe not tell her about some of the plans until after the fact (engagement photo outfits/location, etc) or until you've locked in your choices (vendors, dress, etc). If she offers her opinion on something that you disagree with, you could always say something along the lines of, "Thanks for the idea! We'll consider it.", or "Thanks, but we already decided on..." If you wanted to make her feel included in the plans, you could assign her something that she can choose all the plans for (rehearsal dinner, ceremony programs/decorations, etc). Otherwise, I think it's fine to just not tell her about your plans.
- Reply
Expert November 2020
Alexandria · on August 27, 2020 at 2:41 PM
Flag

Hide content
Coming from someone who has a similar future MIL...

I think wherever you and your FH want to do your engagement photos you should go there, no matter what anyone else thinks because it's not about them. I think the contrast of snowy pictures and a beach wedding will be gorgeous! As far as planning goes because you are still 2 years out, just don't bring it up with her. That's what i had to do. Every time I would try to include her or tell her ideas she would down play my idea and give me something else completely different that we didn't want. Or there would be snide comments about what we were thinking..... So I just stopped telling her things, if she asked I would say planning is going good, or I'm just getting things together, or even I'm taking a break right now from planning. That seemed to help, quite a lot actually, and it was so much less stressful for me not having to worry about the comments or the negativity. And my FH was absolutely okay with it.

When it comes down to it, the day is for you and him and no one else. Your opinion and hisd opinion trump everything else, and follow your heart. Things will be gorgeous!
Good luck with everything girl!
- Reply
Master September 2020
Jessica · on August 27, 2020 at 2:44 PM
Flag

Hide content
There’s no reason your engagement photos have to be in the same place as the wedding. I love the snow photos and it gives you something different from what your wedding pictures will be. Do what you and FH want. Lots of people will have opinions over the next two years, when you’re sharing something make sure you’re sharing it with someone whose opinion and feedback you value. There’s no need to keep everyone informed, if they ask you can share what you are comfortable sharing and leave out at that. If you don’t want to share any details, still with generic responses- they should get the hint.
- Reply
Devoted August 2023
Hhh · on August 27, 2020 at 3:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
I don’t have any great advice on your MIL, but definitely go for Tahoe in the snow! We did ours there at the beginning of last March (the week before everything started shutting down!) and the ground had a mix of snow and pine needles, and with the giant trees we LOVE how they turned out! Plus it leads to a cute and playful time because you can throw snowballs and relax with each other. (The non-snow spots were good for standing without footprints in the pictures)
- Reply
Master October 2022
Jana · on August 27, 2020 at 3:15 PM
Flag

Hide content
The snow pictures are stunning! Almost no one does engagement photos at the same location as their wedding.

It's very common to keep hush hush about the plans unless they directly involve another person. If someone offers their (contradictory) input, say thank you and ignore it.
- Reply
Beginner September 2021
Danie · on August 27, 2020 at 5:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think your idea is really fun and honestly who cares, the only people really using the photos is you. People just get hung up on the weirdest things while planning, just try and ignore it. It's your wedding, the only real opinions that matter are yours and your future husband.
- Reply

Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on August 28, 2020 at 8:02 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

It’s true. Although I had a conversation with FMIL months back when she was well that started with her questioning if I would wear a wedding dress and what type of dress etc. and I kept an open mind and heart and she shared with me how she felt some disappointment about not getting to have the wedding she originally envisioned and planned for and looking back she wishes she had worn a more of a wedding dress.
I think there’s often always a reason or a story behind people’s expectations or what they want for you. It’s probably coming from the kindness of her heart and she probably just wants what’s best for you. I think you can kindly let her know why you want to do the mountain/forest/snow pics without cutting her out and still keeping her involved with your plans.
- Reply