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Just Said Yes June 2023

Cutting out toxic in-laws

Tiffany, on April 27, 2022 at 10:19 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 4

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So if you can see my post you’ll see I have a toxic mother in law well now the father has joined in on it. They’ve known we’ve been engaged for a month now not one congrats nothing they don’t support there son. Yesterday his dad called and said things on the phone like “if she’s forcing you dont get married” “your young you don’t need to commit” he even brought up me probably not being a good mother and where I finally drew a line was his family somehow looked into my past I had a previous marriage that lasted all of two weeks before my ex husband tried to kill me. I was young and dumb and still in therapy from trauma. His dad goes “you do know she was married before right? Couldn’t even stay married” when I met my fiancé I asked that he doesn’t tell anyone that because of how traumatic it was and still is. We have no clue how they found out. His mom hates me and now his dad is trying to convince him that this is a mistake that I’m a girl with no values or morals and I’m not rich like them either. 🥲 I decided I no longer want to try to have a relationship with them I can deal with the name calling and bashing me to their son constantly but using my past as a weapon to try and convince their son is another thing. Am I in the wrong? Idc if he has a relationship with them I just don’t want it. He stood up for me and told them to stop but it’s clear they never will when it comes to me. My fiancé is supportive to cut ties but I know it must hurt him deep down what would you guys do? I can’t take this abuse any longer

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Latest activity by Mrs.evans, on April 27, 2022 at 10:36 PM

Just Said Yes June 2023
Tiffany · on April 27, 2022 at 10:23 AM
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In response to the marriage it was common law marriage their is no court record of it. Which is why we have no clue how they found out. Their is no way atleast we don’t think because the marriage was ended the day my ex tried to kill me lawyers said we didn’t need to go through a divorce that there was nothing to split and the circumstances deemed it annulled because we never “held ourselves” out as married so it didn’t count in the eyes of Texas.
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Super March 2022
JA · on April 27, 2022 at 12:56 PM
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Im curious, have they been against the relationship before the engagement?

If he wants to cut ties with them, that really has to be his decision. But what you can do is set boundaries about his parents. Tell him you aren't willing to see/communicate with them at this time, and ask that if he is on the phone with them to step outside so you can't hear the conversation. Tell him you support whatever he decides to do, but for the sake of your mental health you don't want to be involved with them. Be sure to keep open communication with FH, you don't want it to be that he is sneaking around talking to them.
I hope you have taken the time to explain what things they've done/said that are hurtful and why (it sounds like you have) and I hope he is understanding (which it seems like he is, based on him saying he is open to cutting ties.
As far as actually cutting them out (I've learned the hard way...) have him send a text or email (or record the phonecall!!) And tell them that the way they've been acting isn't acceptable (give a few examples, but not too many) and that he won't be talking to them anymore. It is important to have proof of this so if things escalate you have a paper trail of when you told them you were going No Contact. (Again, personal experience haha)
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Dedicated May 2022
Steph · on April 27, 2022 at 8:16 PM
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Am I the only crazy person that understood from a young age that the only job my parents had was to give me life essentials, love, and raise me to not be an idiot? I am close with both of my parents but I certainly do not speak to them all the time and when they got divorced I was 10 and understood that their life decisions had nothing to do with me and whatever they chose to do (with new relationships) was something they had to live with. I have children and I understand wanting to be protective to an extent… but there is a difference between guidance and just plain overstepping. Having said that, it does suck marrying into a toxic family. Fortunately, it’s something that you can easily separate yourself from. Your life with him has nothing to do with them, and it’s not fair to think that it does. I’d just stay quiet about it, let them be the bad guys, and don’t allow it to cause chaos in your relationship. If he cares more about what they are telling him than whatever you two share, then it’s probably best to leave him to his happily ever after with his family because they will always call the shots. Hopefully that’s not the case.
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VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on April 27, 2022 at 10:36 PM
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Hello yes I remember your story from before I'm sure that it was going to come out that you were married before. I just think that they are made because the way you guys told them about your engagement. But that still doesn't excuse there behavior and flat out disrespect to you and their own son. I know that it hurts you because the ways they are treating the own son. For that I am so sorry and I am glad that he stood up for you and himself. But just give them time to calm down and I really hope that they will come around but just want you to know that you may never be excepted because they are much older and are set in there ways. Continue to plan your wedding and I feel for him because not having your parents blessing is hard. But it's even hard for him because they are trying to make him choose. You have shown strength as a couple I pray that it all works out
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