Cutting Off a Toxic Parent

I wish I had some advice for you! I'd just like to say that you shouldn't feel guilty. Toxic is toxic, even if it's family

DITCH!

I cut off all contact with my mother 3 weeks before my wedding and it both hurt and was incredibly freeing.

Protecting yourself and the family you are making with your fiance is priority number one. If your mother is going to attack you both to your face and behind your back, she is 150% not worth it.

Yes. I cut my toxic mother out of my life a few years ago and I feel so much lighter. My mom has issues that she always projected onto me and it turned into a guilt fest any time we (my little brother and I) mentioned that she was doing this, she's very manipulative. I have decided that because I can't have her toxicity at my wedding she is not to know I am getting married until after. I will most likely send her a wedding announcement after the fact, and I have also blocked her on all social media to keep her from seeing anything wedding related. My brother and dad have been informed of my wishes so I don't have to worry that she will somehow show up. Now, her not showing up to a wedding event itself would not be reason enough for me to suggest cutting her out. It does sound like there's more going on though, I was taken aback by that being your deciding factor. If you truly feel she is too toxic for your life, and are prepared to cut her out completely, you will have to stand firm now. It is hard to make that cut sometimes, but if it's the right move for you it will get so much easier. Good luck to you.

Just did this to my mom.. she was being snarky towards me about my life choices and i told her to stop its not the first time either so me saying if she didnt stop her attitude towards me and fh she didnt need to come to the wedding well she replies with she wasnt planning on comeing anyway. need to call my gma n see if im still having my bridal shower there or not since my mom lives with her and shes probably been bad mouthing me

Sometimes, you have to make your own family. I don't think I'll be inviting my parents to my wedding. While they have been supportive of me in some ways throughout my life, like paying for my undergrad college ($40,000), I've realized that money doesn't give someone the right to also treat you disrespectfully. I have a lot of emotional scars from how they treated me in my teens and when I was home from college. I know they meant well, but I'm so hurt. I genuinely think the best thing for both us us is to part ways. So for my wedding, I'm doing my best to invite those around me who I would consider to be the "family I choose".

Ugh yes. I have a toxic mom too and I am SO worried about her attitude near my wedding.

My birth mother is super toxic, so she's not invited at all. She's also never met my FH. I mean it sucks, but you gotta do what's best for you and your sanity

Please don't get me wrong, I am all about cutting toxic people from your life. I hope that it works out for the best no matter which way it goes.

Hey Melissa,

Unfortunately we all have toxic people in our family but we have to do what is best for us. When there is a toxic spill, they bring out hasmat (I think I spelled that wrong) suits to prevent the poison from getting on their clothes or in their system so it doesn't spread. We as brides have to look out for our own well being and keep the "toxicity" from us. I hate that this is your mom doing this to you. I wish I had my mom to share in this joyous occasion with me but I don't. Be the bigger person and don't dis-invite her but stand your ground on all that you have said and she will choose whether she will come or not. The best part in all of this (and focus on it the most), is that you will be marrying the man of your dreams and that's all that matters. Congrats and be blessed!

You should never have to deal with that, and especially on your day. More power to you for standing up for yourself.

My parents had a particularly nasty divorce and my dad ultimately used me to get back at my mother. I finally realized what was happening stood up for myself as a teen. I went to live with mom and stepdad, at which point, my dad made no effort to see me for nearly 5 years and my stepdad stepped up to the plate. He taught me how to drive and went to every choir concert and musical during high school. Since we were super close when I was younger, my dad still thinks he should be the only one to walk me and has his family still believing that he's the perfect father who was always there so why wouldn't he be? For this reason, I anticipate squabbling between dad and stepdad over walking me down the aisle (current plan is to have one on each side). I've already told them that if they start fighting, both of them are leaving and my mom or cousin will walk me. If one of them does not engage, they can stay but they are both hot heads so it seems unlikely.

You are not alone, and so sorry to hear you are dealing with this! Sometimes, big life events have a way of putting cracks in already strained relationships. If you feel that she is toxic, then you are right to cut her off. It sounds like you put a lot of effort into fixing things already. No sense prolonging something that only brings you pain.

My father did not attend my wedding, although I did try to mend things with him. Inviting him to the wedding was my very last olive branch. Although I never explicitly uninvited him, he did not attend and it is very validating to know I was right about the type of person he is (homophobic & narcissistic).

It is important to respect the boundaries you set for yourself, and to cut people off when you have to.