Cute ideas for a small, unconventional marriage ceremony?

We do this all the time. Pick a cute place; a restaurant you love, a park (let people know it's going to be outside), find a cool officiant who'll write you a great ceremony, and it'll be terrific.

Welll, we're doing it at my Pastors church because its going to most likely be too cold to do it anywhere outside. And the officiant will be my pastor.

Im thinking more along the lines of whether or not I should goo out of my way to decorate the church or have thank you gifts?

That sounds like a pretty conventional marriage ceremony to me. Are you having any kind of reception afterwards?

Nope.. Were just gonna go out to eat at a buffet afterwards. We invited everyone to join us but they have to pay for themselves.

Make sure your guests are aware ahead of time that they will be paying their own check at the end of dinner. Aside from that, everything seems rather normal to me.

If I had to pay for my own check at the reception, that would absolutely be memorable. Don't do that.

Celia...fyi, the only reason I'm asking everyone to pay for themselves is because I can't afford it. And I let them know that they'll be paying for their own food. So if they aren't okay with that then they can just come to the 30 minute ceremony and go home. OR they can wait til next year when we have the bigger wedding, with bridesmaids and all. This ceremony happened because initially my fiance and I were going to elope but everyone insisted that we have a wedding. After we realized it wasn't working out, we opted to just have a ceremony with close family and friends. We felt terrible for having them take those days off so we felt it was only right to include them.

MrsThomas, folks on these boards feel pretty strongly about the fact that if you marry now, then you are not actually having a wedding later, so be prepared for some feedback that if you do this, you shouldn't have another wedding ceremony later - but at a minimum, make absolutely sure that before you send out invitations next year, or when you do, that everyone invited knows you are already married. For insurance reasons, my FH and I had a civil wedding just the two of us last year about a month after we got engaged - but our families knew, and when we send out the STDs and invitations, it will be clear we are married civilly, and we are actually inviting them to a wedding "celebration" that we're setting up more like a family reunion, for everyone to come together and celebrate our vows, but also to introduce the wider families to each other and strengthen our families ties.

After all this, therefore, my advice is NOT to do anything to make it more wedding-like!

The more you make it 'special' and the more you do, the less sense it makes to have a full-blown wedding celebration/vowel renewal a year from now. I would consider asking a friend to take photos for you to document the ceremony and family photos. Other than that, I'd leave it alone.

I get your financial situation, but I agree with Celia and others about paying for a meal after - here's a suggestion for a way to split the difference: provide what's termed a 'cake and punch' reception immediately after at your church's community hall where you get a Costco sheet cake for around $20, including decoration! And have lemonade (get a tin and make up a few gallons) and coffee (you can get a box of hot coffee from coffee shops that travel and provide 12 cups per box for $18) with Paper plates, plastic forks, and a chance for everyone to participate. THEN you go out to eat.... problem solved.

My church's hall lets people use the coffee urns and kitchen to prepare hot water - I'm sure yours would do the same. With 20 people, you'd be able to do everything for well under $100.

Those are excellent ideas! You make an excellent point about making it less like a wedding so there arent so many expectations I guess.

I would do the cake thing but the person who owns the church doesn't allow food inside. And the hall isnt available right now. I was planning on bringing the cake to the restaurant.

Do you think maybe a simple thank you gift would be good enough for those that don't plan on eating out with us? And should we do vows or save that for the wedding?

I"m fine with people getting legally married now, celebrating later, telling people or not, but if you invite people to your wedding ceremony, no matter how few or many they are, no matter how laid back it is, you thank them with a meal or a cake and punch reception.

If you're going to be legally married, in most states, you need to say vows of some sort.

I actually agree with Rebecca - if this is technically just the legal ceremony and you'll be doing a bigger wedding later, then I would keep it more like a civil ceremony, and less like a wedding.

My fiancee and I are having our actual wedding with 20 people, including ourselves, and planned on footing the bill for everyone to stay at a B&B for one night (less expensive than a traditional wedding venue). I don't think you have to do a cake or anything special if you are doing a wedding-wedding later.

I have gone back and forth trying to figure out how to make our wedding special and finally decided that the location and the event are enough to make it special, without having to adhere to social expectations. People will be coming to see you promise to spend your lives together, not to critique flowers or cake. Let them enjoy the main event without trying to bribe them to come with gifts or special food. You can do that next year.

I would definitely pay for their dinner, if there will only be 20 people it wont be that bad. i would much rather have my dinner payed for after a wedding than get a thank you gift. it sounds like it could be a really sweet intimate day! i just think if they are expected to pay for their dinner it might take away from that.

I agree that you should try to keep it more of a civil ceremony if you're planning on having a celebration later for your marriage. I also really agree that if you're doing any kind of dinner afterward, you should not expect your guests to pay. The point of the reception is to thank your guests for being at your ceremony. If you can't afford to purchase everyone's dinner at the restaurant that is completely understandable, but could you bring everyone to someone's house where food is served? (A lot of brides have their family members help with this and all you pay for is food cost). Just a thought

I hear what all of you are saying but I really cant afford to pay for everyone. The buffet isnt a reception, we're simply just going out to eat afterwards and asked if anyone would like to join they have to pay for their own food. Its not a mandatory part of the civil wedding. So I disagree that I'm SUPPOSED to pay for their food. They know my financial situation (we're only 23 years with two kids under 1), all of our money goes to our kids right now.

Ill ask around if I can use someone's house but that would be too much like a reception to me.

What sort of 'small thank you gift' are you thinking of? as someone else mention id rather get a meal than a 'thank you' gift-- u can always send out thank you cards afterward.

there are tons of ways to have some food or cake and punch without spending alot, maybe use the funds from the thank you gifts to do desserts and coffeeor cake/ punch...

there is a bride here who is having brick oven pizza at her reception, an inexpensive alternative.

My brother and his wife had a JOP wedding. It was only immediate family and we sat and watched-it was actually very sweet. She cried the whole time and my brother was teary eyed. Then we went back to my moms and she had ordered food. No cake just we ate and we toasted with whatever we had (I think I had a can of coke).

If you can't afford to go to a restaurant don't. Just invite them over to your place or someone who will be there and have something small (food wise). Like others suggested- just cake and punch is fine. I had fun and to me the only difference between their wedding day and other couples, like myself, who opted for a "traditional" ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception was that it was during the day on a weekday and I didn't wake up the next day with a hangover. It wasn't any less special, nor memorable. They been married for 2 years now and are now proud parents to my gorgeous nephew.

What's the rush? If you're planning on having the whole nine yards next year, then why have the civil ceremony now? Unless you or your FH is deploying in the military, I don't see why you can't wait. Also, the key to eloping is not telling anyone you're doing so. That way there's no outside influence. If I were you, I'd just wait until I had saved enough money for a proper wedding, or elope with just the two of us...while not giving out any details of the elopement.

IMO having a huge celebration that costs lots of money is more for your guests. If you think about it everything you pay for is for their entertainment. Food, music, drinks, decor (do you REALLY care to stress over renting tables and chairs and putting linens and possibly some type of centerpiece just to feed THEM on a nice setting), etc. is all for show. If you really want to get married it's because you are in love and want to legalize your union. You don't need to plan for a celebration to celebrate your love. It's like having a bday party- you won't have one if you have no money to pay for it. You don't call people and say hey I'm turing 24. I want everyone to help pay for me to celebrate at a restaurant. It's wiser to find a house and invite them over. If you still can't afford to order/cook everyone food, call it a pot luck. If its just your immediate family I'm sure no one will mind bringing a dish. Well, that's just my opinion and how my family works, but I don't know your family so I can't say. Either way, I hope you don't stress yourself for something you really don't need to. Like I said in my first comment- there is nothing wrong with not having a celebration that you have to stress about saving money for. If you have the funds, go for it! If not don't worry about it, for most people it will just be another day, another wedding-why go out of your way for people who will look at it that way? Good luck!

Ughhh this is stressing me out lol I think I already explained why we're having a civil ceremony....we were going to elope, some family members convinced us to have a wedding. When that didn't work out, we opted for a small civil wedding. Its on October 25. So I'm stressed because if I were to do a cake and punch thing I'd have to arrange to have it at someone's house last minute. Ill ask around but if I can't find anyone, what should I do? Im so lost.