Cultural/religious dancing in a non-religious wedding, do we skip it or keep it?

I’m Jewish, and it’s one of a handful of Jewish wedding traditions I’m hoping to incorporate in my own wedding. I think it says “wedding” in a way that not a lot of other traditions do, and I think it’s going to be a very special moment. Do I love the idea of being lifted up on a chair? Definitely not 😂 But that’s not really the point. If it’s something that feels special to you when you imagine it too, then I think that’s your clue to include it. I do not associate the hora with religion per say —more ancestry, tradition, celebration, culture, etc.

Fellow atheistic Jew here. We wanted to have smaller moments in our wedding that still honored the culture, ie: we’re getting married under a chuppah and we talked to our DJ about how to have a Hora but still feel like us. We’re going to do the Dick Dale version of the Hora and just hang onto those chairs tightly! I think it’s cool getting to pick and choose those moments that you want to highlight and that’s the beauty of being Jewish but not necessarily religious. It’s your day, do what feels right!

Cultural Jew here. It was the only thing I considered doing (no dancing due to covid) but it you and FH want to I say go for it! Everyone has fun.

As a guest, I always wanted to go to a wedding with that tradition!! It looks like a blast!! ❤️ I say go for it!!

I honestly get your FH's perspective. The lines between Jewish religious and cultural traditions are often blurry and it seems like FH doesn't want to give any indication that you two are practicing the faith. I don't disagree with PP, but I don't think you should do it unless FH wants to as well.

So I'm in the opposite position: my FH and I are atheists, but he grew up culturally Jewish. He really wanted to do the stomping of the glass at the end of our ceremony. I asked him questions about it and did some research and felt like it had religious undertones which I want none of at my wedding, whereas for him it was just a fun thing he saw his family do at their weddings. Likewise the Hora is something you both need to feel comfortable with.

I would definitely do it! The hora is a cultural tradition rather than a ritual practice, so I don't see any contradiction between not being religious and wanting to do the hora. I've been so so many weddings with a completely secular ceremony (or an interfaith ceremony) and the hora was still done precisely because it's a cultural rather than religious custom. Plus, as you mentioned, it's the perfect way to kick off the dance floor and so much fun. I think our favorite photos from our entire wedding were the ones of us being lifted up on the chairs. Our venue brought in special chairs with armrests for the hora. I don't think it would be out of place whatsoever to do the hora even if you're atheists. Shortly before Covid hit, I went to a wedding where the couple did the hora and their only connection to Judaism was that the bride had Jewish grandparents!

View Quoted Comment I’m curious what leads you to say the lines between Jewish religious and cultural traditions are any “blurrier” than other religions? Based on some of your other posts this comes off rather condescending and ignorant. There are plenty of Christians who celebrate Christmas but don’t go to Church...

View Quoted Comment I said "blurry" not "blurrier". Not sure how any of this is condescending.

View Quoted Comment It implies the lines are blurrier than other religions BH singling out Judaism in your statement. You have made it abundantly clear you are not Jewish (on other posts) so it comes off as condescending. Not sure how you don’t get that.

View Quoted Comment Honestly it seems like you're looking for something to get upset about. When I was an athiest, I refused to do anything related to faith. I was culturally Catholic, but we don't have an ethnic component, so it was easy for me to draw the line and refuse to partake in religious traditions. Judiasm has an ethnic component, which I think obviously blurs the lines (it isn't the only faith like this of course). I was putting myself in her fiance's place and saying I wouldn't want to do anything related to a traditional Jewish wedding if I didn't want the faith to be part of my day.

View Quoted Comment Lol "abundantly clear". Yes I'm not Jewish, why would I be vague about that? I have nothing but respect for Jewish people, we share the same God and much of the same tradition

View Quoted Comment I am not looking for something to get upset about but feel it important to call out offensive comments towards a religion. If you are not a part of it you have no grounds to speak as to whether it’s offensive or not. I think it’s silly that you’re waiting until marriage to have sex with the person you’re going to be with forever, but you have obviously chosen to make that choice and publicly declare it to the internet. Sounds like we just come from very different backgrounds.

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Speaking as a Jew, I personally don't think the line between religious and cultural practice when it comes to the Hora is blurry at all. Religious practices at a Jewish wedding would be signing a Ketubah, having a rabbi officiate, or reciting Hebrew blessings during the ceremony. But strictly speaking, there is no ritual component to the Hora. The hora originated historically in Eastern Europe as a popular dance done at Jewish weddings. Non-Jewish people might associate the Hora as a religious practice simply because they don't know any better, but it really is a cultural practice (with no ritual involved) down to the core.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think you were being condescending, I understand your perspective

The only issue I see is that "your fiance doesn't want to do it." If that's the way he feels, I'd drop it. There are lots of great ways to involve your guests and get the evening started on a high note that probably don't conflict with your fiance's wishes. Good luck!

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I'm a little bit conflicted in that my fiance doesn't want to do it because he isn't a fan of the idea (associating it as a religious thing) but has never seen it himself and I don't feel like we should forego a really lovely part of the festivities for such a trivial reason. It's definitely something I guess we need to discuss more.