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Just Said Yes April 2021

Coworkers

MissE, on October 27, 2020 at 9:48 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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I have a small close knit group of coworkers. One of them is a very picky eater and does not drink. If he attends, he might eat cake and that would be all. He also talks crap about me behind my back. I have no plan to invite him to my wedding, however I am inviting my other coworkers and my boss. I really don't want to spend the money on a guest who A. is two faced and B. won't eat or drink anything. Is it okay not to invite him?

12 Comments

Latest activity by MIWM, on November 1, 2020 at 1:11 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You're not obligated to invite anyone to your wedding, however, you should be prepared to deal with the repercussions of excluding one person.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    In the absence of any bad actions it is unkind to exclude just one or two of a group. If you feel hurt or your reputation damaged due to his gossip, that is a deliberate, knowing thing he has done that would be assumed to be hurtful. That is one of 2 standard etiquette points. The other, for coworkers or someone in a club, is do you have a reciprocal social relationship. Would you / have you done things socially, outside of work or your club. If he has not been that kind of outside of work so ial friend, because neither of you wants a social relationship, then there is no reason to invite him. As for the others you like, be it Christmas cards or doing something after work, or signaling them that as a married couple you will want to be on social terms, that is the reason for inviting the others. If anyone asks, including him, politely say, We invited people I have a relationship outside of work, a social relationship. And nothing more. He knows as well as you do that you have never been social friends. ( I assuming that.)
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  • Miss E
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Miss E ·
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    Thank you for your thoughts, Judith. He and I are not social outside of work, but I am with other coworkers. I figured if it is mentioned, I will politely bring up our budget and social relationships outside of work. My coworkers know we don't socialize outside of the workplace and they also know he is an extremely picky eater. I honestly think most if not all of them would understand. Also, he's going to gossip about me whether or not he is invited and I personally don't want to invite someone who would attend just to nitpick my wedding.

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  • Lisa
    Super October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag

    I work in an office of 12 people... I'm only inviting three of them. I honestly don't care for the others and don't want them there. If their feelings are hurt by it, maybe they should have been nicer to me and each other over the past 5/6 years. Your wedding, your choice.

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    When it comes to coworkers i think it depends on how many there are. for instance if it's a large office of 50 people and you work closely with 5 then it's ok to just invite those 5 vs all 50. but if there's only 5 then it's kind of weird to only invite 4 out of the 5 even if you don't like that 5th person. i had a dozen coworkers and in reality i only wanted to invite like half or a little more than half of them haha but i invited them all anyway just because i didn't want to exclude those few people

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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    Don't invite him, there is no obligation just because you work together and is inviting other co workers.

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  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
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    Only invite those you are close to.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Yes, he is right in the etiquette bullseye for not being invited for good reason. Even if all else are invited, they are friends socially, and they are not malicious gossips. You are not arbitrarily excluding just one. ( though being a picky eater should not be mentioned. ) I am tired of hearing, well you have to invite everyone, be fair. Never ostracize someone from a minor event, because of their looks, or their clothes or little arbitrary things, yes. But spending $100-200 on someone just not a friend, is something a host can do. And kids, to invite all the kids you know well, and not kids you simply don't know ( in families) is another silly, it's not fair complaint I would like to see squelched.
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  • S
    Dedicated November 2020
    Shakiyla ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't invite him! Your not friends or social, you shouldn't fell obligated to invite him.

    I only invited one co worker, but I don't call her my coworker because we are really friends.

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  • Alma
    Expert October 2020
    Alma ·
    • Flag
    I invited all of my coworkers (even the ones I didn’t really want to invite lol). I didn’t want to be rude and exclude anyone...thankfully, only the ones I’m close to rsvp’d and showed. I guess you can invite him and cross your fingers!! This is only if he’s the only person you would be not inviting. If there’s several people you don’t plan to invite from work, then it shouldn’t be rude to “exclude” him
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  • KitandKaboodle
    Master November 2016
    KitandKaboodle ·
    • Flag

    We both agreed to invite ten co-workers (SO included) from the office and limited it to those we have a personal relationship with outside the office.

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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
    • Flag

    You do not have to invite him. Inviting co-workers can be tricky especially is you have al lot of gossips in your workplace.

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