Coworkers- Reception only?

My venue only holds 200 for dinner, and so unfortunately I can’t invite all 14 others, plus a guest, to dinner. These people all are important to me… but as all of you know, there are choices that have to be made when making your guest list, and there were more important people in our lives than my coworkers, as I am sure you can understand. I would like them to be invited, but I am not sure what would be more insulting: getting a “reception only” invitation; or not being invited at all.

So what do you think about my potential use of a reception only invite… in this situation?

I've given up...I'm inviting them all...

I am almost at that point... but then they would be a "B-list" invite- and that is EVEN WORSE etiquette. This is just hard First world problems, I tell ya.

I struggled with this - I'm a teacher and have taught with so many of my coworkers for years. But I invited only those who I was particularly close to. With the amount of no-shows I had, I could've invited more, but oh, well. We're all still friendly.

I have no answer. I'm not a fan of reception-only. If I got a reception-only invite, I'm not sure I would go. But I have no alternative suggestion for you.

Good luck!

I second Erin's question. If you are feeding them, it's a hellova lot better than a "ceremony only" invite (bring us a present, watch us get married and LEAVE!)

I would do reception only. Honeslty how many people go to the wedding just for the fun stuff? If you talk to them about it also they will most likely understand your situation. To me it shows you still want them there during an important day of your life.

I third Erin's question. If your reception only invite is after dinner, I wouldn't do it. I would be more offended then if I didn't get an invite at all.

I'm not inviting anyone from my job (other than my MIL). I thought about, but decided against it because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. My FH is inviting only his direct reports and his supervisor.

Sorry, yeah- let me clarify that.

Reception only meaning drinking, dessert, and all that, just not dinner. The problem is we can only sit 200 for dinner...

I know I have heard them called "dance cards"- my MOH is from a small town where literally the entire town gets invited to weddings, and "dance cards" are totally the norm. But the only time I was given a "reception only" or "dance card" thinga-ma-jig was a similar situation- a coworkers wedding.

I honestly don't think it's different from other situations where couples want to invite people to just the reception. I wouldn't do it.

So, you're really talking about inviting them to the reception venue after the dinner is over?

When you say that your reception venue only holds 200 for dinner, is that the maximum capacity for the room? If it is, you may not have the option of inviting another 14 - 28 people. Another consideration would be seating. Can you provide seats for them, or will they have to stand? Lastly, how long would they be there? Two hours, three hours?

Don't invite them at all.

I am guessing it's for seating purposes the 200#. I have been to a few weddings that we were not invited to the dinner portion. They still had snacks and cake and drinks out it was totally fun and we were happy that we got to spend the night with them. If your too worried about it, maybe invite them out to dinner after the wedding. Or just ask them, just lay it all out on the line.

I would understand if a coworker couldn't invite me at all, and I would also understand if I was a B-list invite. I would prefer either of those options to reception-only, but those kinds of invites are unheard of where I am from.

ETA: I know people think B-list is really rude, but I am understanding, especially in the context of having a huge family to invite and not being able to invite too many friends until you've received some declines from family members.

Our venue has seats and tables for 200 people for dinner. We can have a seating plan for that many people. We have asked, and it IS an option to have more people come afterwards, the room just does not fit more than that with tables and such.

After dinner, our room is being "transformed" for the dancing/ fun portion of the evening. You have brought up a very good question, which I will definitely need to bring up to my venue- about seats for them... obviously they will get tired after dancing. And even if the room is all rearranged and what not, I want to make sure they will be able to take a seat if they get tired.

The portion after dinner would run from about 8-11:30. So 3.5 hours.

Personally, I would be offended to be invited to an event where everyone else was provided dinner, and I wasn't considered good enough to feed. I would decline, and would think less of you for even asking.

I don't think that co-workers expect to be invited to your wedding unless you are very close outside of work. As in, if you leave this job, will you still be friends?

Exactly, Celia. I just need to stick with the few of those who are ACTUALLY my friends- who I have already invited... and the rest will just not get invited... to the reception, to the wedding, or whatever

Thanks for the input. I knew my initial feeling on these sorts of invites should not have been different in this situation, but I just hate that I have to see these people every day, talk to them about my wedding, and then... they are not invited. I just feel bad about it!!!

I don't think you should do this at all. IMO this is worse than a reception-only invite (dinner is part of the reception). Just leave it and let them know you simply didn't have space to invite everyone.

Don't invite them - they'll understand.

Thanks guys!!