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Dedicated September 2020

covid wedding- sos

Kelly, on August 9, 2020 at 10:22 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 12

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Hi all! So our original date was 9/4/20 which we are still going with for now. We are less than 4 weeks out. I am happy and excited despite some of my family members not wanting to come due to COVID, I accepted it and moved on. My fiancé’s side however has had significantly more people drop out (mostly family friends, no immediate family of his) and everytime someone drops out he spirals into how I rushed to get married (we got engaged less than a year ago) and “how if I would’ve just breathed and waited to plan we would be fine”. Obviously I could not have predicted a pandemic. Anyway, at the beginning of all this I asked his mom if she thought anyone would drop out because of the virus and she said no. My fiancé said the same. Now when anyone drops out he acts like it is my fault. Am I crazy for wanting to go ahead as planned? At this point I feel like it’s not worth it to postpone. I would have to move all our vendors which I don’t even want to think about. Plus there is always the question of older relatives who might not be around in a year. I really want to just go ahead and do it! What do you think?

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Suzie, on August 9, 2020 at 9:48 PM

Master October 2020
Yasmine · on August 9, 2020 at 10:28 AM
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Have you thought about doing something small this year and postponing the big celebration for next year if you can’t compromise?
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Super November 2020
Mindy · on August 9, 2020 at 10:35 AM
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At this point, I’d go forward. Especially since it’s not actual family dropping. It sucks that people are backing out, but that happens even when there isn’t a pandemic.
My fiancé was fine with moving forward until his friend, who is/was a groomsman, told him (after a month of radio silence) that if the cases didn’t level out, he wouldn’t be coming. Now my fiancé has brought up having the wedding ceremony and postponing the reception like other people he knows.
It’sa frustrating time...
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Dedicated September 2020
Kelly · on August 9, 2020 at 10:35 AM
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We would either do all or nothing. It’s not as special to us to have the big party once we are already married.
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Super September 2018
Rachel · on August 9, 2020 at 10:36 AM
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You guys need to decide this together. The last thing you want is one of you resenting your wedding day. Maybe there’s a compromise of eloping now and having a renewal/celebration later or of including people virtually. Lay the options on the table and go through the pros and cons together very candidly and then decide.
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Dedicated September 2020
Kelly · on August 9, 2020 at 10:38 AM
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Yeah it’s definitely frustrating. I completely understand him being upset but I hate that he acts like it is entirely my fault. And I agree none of his family has dropped out, I think we are lucky that we still get to celebrate mostly as planned. None of our bridal party feels weird about it and we know they will all be there so we have that in our favor too. I know he is discouraged but at this point I think we should just do it. I know we would have to pay more money to change things anyway and we might not even get the same vendors which I don’t want to risk.
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Devoted August 2020
Niki · on August 9, 2020 at 10:47 AM
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We had to postpone once & said we are getting married on our new day (2 weeks from today!) no matter what. We changed our venue to a smaller place & are only having our parents & 2 other couples. We sent out cards letting everyone know that we will celebrate with them next year.

It’s not your fault the pandemic happened and he’s probably upset that people are dropping out bc of the pandemic. This is certainly not your fault at all. If he wanted to wait, he should have said something.
Wishing you all the best!
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on August 9, 2020 at 10:57 AM
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In my opinion before you make any decisions I think you need to sit down with him because while I get it disappointing that family members don't feel safe coming during a pandemic, which is understandable because it's a pandemic and they are putting their health and safety first over a celebration not to offend you, I feel the fact that he's blaming you for not waiting is not a good way to start the marriage and there could be resentment. I think you should Express to him why you want to do what you want to do but that if he's not on board then I would postpone because I don't feel it's good to start a marriage where one person resents. On the other hand would you resent him if he did want to postpone? I feel like you'd both need to be on the same page otherwise I feel like this is just going to cause problems.
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Dedicated September 2020
Kelly · on August 9, 2020 at 11:02 AM
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We had a discussion in July and we said we wouldn’t postpone unless it was impossible for us to have our wedding (due to restrictions etc) which isn’t the case. I asked him at the time if he was worried people wouldn’t want to come and he said no. So I feel like at that point he should have said something sooner.

My other feeling is, our wedding day is about us and no one else. There are people who won’t be there that we wanted to be there but at the end of the day 90% of who we invited will be. We are going to be so busy we probably won’t even notice. My parents had people at their wedding that they haven’t talked to in years. Is it really worth waiting a year so 15-20 more people will come? Not to me.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on August 9, 2020 at 11:46 AM
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Hey sweetie. I am on your team. I agree the day is about you two and I am team "guest size don't make the wedding" so I feel you there. I do feel a discussion needs to be had. Does he know that saying that to you is frustrating? I would not postpone my wedding either esp because you would probably lose on money this close to. I do not think he needs to blame you for anything as I do not feel you rushed anything and no one knows how long corona will be around so we need to adapt for us and not wait on it to go away.
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Super October 2020
Eri · on August 9, 2020 at 1:04 PM
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I'm so sorry you're going through this! It sounds like he might be snapping at you because he himself misjudged how many people would decline to attend and didn't realize how much that would bother him, even though they're not close family.
But this is no one's fault, and of course no one anticipated the crisis we're in. My FH and I started dating in 2015, got engaged in 2018 and had our vendors locked in that same year. We took our time and meticulously planned everything and are still getting robbed of our vision. (I joked with my FH that I wished I would have just planned everything for a year out and *didn't* wait so long.)
Have you had a discussion with him since the July one, asking how he would feel now about postponing or doing the compromise of a small ceremony/celebration this year, and a bigger one the next? If you haven't done this already, it might be helpful to sit down and talk about what the most important things are to each of you about the day.
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on August 9, 2020 at 3:41 PM
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Marriage is definitely about compromise and it seems as he would like other people there to celebrate as well. He may have thought that people wouldn’t drop out earlier because the numbers were going down but he isn’t wrong for wanting other people there. Which is why I suggested doing the big celebration next year if the “most important thing” is you getting married. It would be selfish to make the decision by yourself, it’s about what you BOTH want!
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Super October 2021
Suzie · on August 9, 2020 at 9:48 PM
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It sounds like you both decided to move forward, so this def isn’t on you. Also, like you said, not like anyone could have predicted this. It’s here and it totally sucks, but it’s the world right now. Honestly, his blaming you is not ok. We are ALL frustrated, and as couples, we need to be supporting each other more than ever. In my opinion, it seems like there may be an underlying issue here that he’s not communicating. I suggest sitting down and hashing it all out, use “I statements” and tell him how it feels when he blames you. You need to be on the same page, otherwise one of you may end up resenting one another. Good luck hun!
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