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Just Said Yes January 2021

covid planning

Amy, on October 15, 2020 at 10:13 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Hi all, I could use some guidance or insight. Or maybe just support.

My parents are absolutely terrified about my wedding turning into a super spreader event like the Maine wedding that made news. Coupled with the fact that they’re older, the wedding is in January in Chicago (therefore indoors but exploring tent as an option) and people flying in from out of state (including the bride and groom), they’re putting extremely pressure on me to gut the wedding even further. We went from 150 to 38 (just immediate family and bridal party) and now they are suggesting just us and my immediate family; they don’t want any brides people or my fiancé’s family.
I feel like, first, that’s extremely unfair to my fiancé; second, while I understand they’re worried (I’m worried!) I can fathom gutting this wedding further, telling my closest friends that they can’t come anymore (the only people who seem excited about our wedding). I already had to tell my extended family and it was heartbreaking and horrible and not something I want to do again.
Is anyone else dealing with worries like this? How are you handling your situations? Suggestions? Insights?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Monica, on October 31, 2020 at 10:34 PM

Legend July 2022
Lisa · on October 15, 2020 at 10:26 AM
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Is postponing an option? If so, that may help ease some fears, and potentially allow you to invite more people to the new date. Otherwise, you could send your parents a list of precautions that you're planning to take to ensure everyone's safety. Also include a list of precautions and restrictions that your venue and vendors have to help ensure safety. The Maine wedding was definitely a concerning article to read, however, you also don't hear about all the weddings that happened this year that didn't have an issue with COVID. I agree that it's not fair of them to ask that your fiance's family not be invited (or for them to ask you to uninvite anyone). It's your wedding, and I think that you and your fiance get the final say in who you invite (or uninvite if necessary).
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Dedicated November 2020
Arianna · on October 15, 2020 at 10:54 AM
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This may sound harsh but it was the only way I could feel alright about having our wedding. The main piece of advice my dad gave me was to have the wedding even if nobody was there. I believe the only part of that day that matters is you getting married. So we set our date, cut back the list to 50 people and asked that people don’t come unless they are okay with the risk. Thankfully we had elderly family decide to decline and will have a zoom option for them to watch the ceremony. The reality of covid is it’s not going away any time soon. I think postponing is going to cause even more heartbreak for a lot of couples. So we will put masks and hand sanitizer out and follow the guidelines our state has put in place. I think that’s extremely rude of your parents to suggest your FH family can’t be there and I personally would not adhere to that.
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Expert November 2020
Annika · on October 15, 2020 at 11:03 AM
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I agree with this. Our wedding is still going forward on our original date (11-28-20) and we cut it down by half to 60 people, (to my absolute joy!! I am so excited about having less people lol) are requiring masks and other covid friendly solutions. Those who aren't comfortable coming are welcome to celebrate from home and we will do our best to keep risk low. I think it is so disrespectful of your parents to not allow your fiance's family to join. The reason weddings like the one you mentioned in the news become "super spreaders" is because those people disregard all rules and regulations. Good luck and I hope you can work this out!
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on October 15, 2020 at 11:22 AM
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The other option i can see is if you just have a private celebration with just your elderly parents later or before if they're really not comfortable with coming overall and if you can't lower the amount down. also like PP said the reason why those events were super spreaders was because they also didn't seem to do what they could to prevent covid spread. take ALL the covid precautions you possibly can at your event.
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Dedicated November 2020
Shakiyla · on October 15, 2020 at 11:43 AM
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I completely understand my wedding is this November indoors and I have been feeling this way as well. Surprisingly most of my guest are excited for my wedding they are more excited than I am, I was nervous about Covid but they all said they understand the risk of coming out and if people aren’t comfortable they should stay home. My grandparents definitely showed great concern, made a fuss but they aren’t coming.
It is unfair of your parents to ask that, my mom was being that way for a moment as well but my fiancé and I are very close to out friends than our extended family, I honestly couldn’t imagine having my wedding without them. Actually that’s who we really wanted there anyway.
Personal I would eloped or have a mini ceremony. If your able to postpone, push off the reception to another time.
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on October 15, 2020 at 1:23 PM
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In your shoes, I would postpone the wedding to sometime when the weather would allow for a comfortable outdoor event.
Your parents are being extremely unfair by suggesting your fiance's family can't even be there...
Not for nothing, but you hear about the Maine wedding because people got sick and it made the news. You didn't hear about the Maine wedding my coworker held the same weekend, or the wedding I went to the following weekend, or the other wedding my in-laws went to, or... Because they happened and it was fine.
Have the wedding you want to have with the precautions you feel are appropriate.
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VIP August 2020
Katie · on October 15, 2020 at 1:57 PM
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Hi Amy, we had our wedding outdoors in August and all precautions were taken, no one got covid 👍 sounds like you are doing everything you can. If it helps, clear tents provide heat (we had white tents to prevent heat, but love the look of a clear one). You may already be doing these, but additional precautions we took were: 1. Hand sanitizer provided as soon as guests entered ceremony, 2. Masks provided (custom from Etsy and they were really cute!), 3. Outdoor photos with mostly individuals (ex: me and my sister, me and my dad), 4. Plated dinner, 5. Precautions stated on our website, Details insert, and word of mouth. Once guests saw all we were doing, anxiety was eased. Parents can sit at their own table if more comfortable. I agree with previous posts, when the rules are not followed, that’s when the weddings have issues. Regulations are there for a reason and sounds like you are doing everything you can ❤️
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Expert September 2020
· on October 15, 2020 at 2:02 PM
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Are they suggesting that you do just yourselves and immediate family and also do a big party down the line? Or are they suggesting you do just immediate family and no big party at all?
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Dedicated October 2020
Jesyka · on October 18, 2020 at 12:01 AM
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Streaming. Anyone who was uncomfortable coming to our wedding has been given the option to watch it via live stream.
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Savvy January 2021
Alexandra · on October 31, 2020 at 9:56 PM
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Are you able to postpone it? I'm so sorry
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Devoted July 2020
Monica · on October 31, 2020 at 10:34 PM
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I happen to think it is insanely selfish and stupid to hold weddings in the middle of a pandemic. Those who do so are asking their guests to either choose to put themselves at health risk or to feel badly because they can’t be there to support you.

We made the decision back in March, to cancel our big July wedding (120ish guests). We still got married in July - just us and our children and our officiant and his wife (dear friends). We will host a party to celebrate when the apocalypse is over.
I would recommend paring your wedding down to the smallest of mini-monies you can. You and your fiancé and your parents, perhaps. Save everything else for a party when C19 ends.
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