Covid bridal shower

I think anything you write at this time pretty much eludes to the fact we're keeping with Covid guidelines. I don't think I would let anyone know that they are or are not invited to the wedding. That may make some feel bad that they didn't make the cut.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree with this. I would just invite them without saying anything about whether they will be invited to the wedding. I think most people know brides and grooms have had to make the tough decision to cut their guestlists.

I personally don’t think you should invite anyone who isn’t invited to the wedding. It’s not about breaking “tradition”, but breaking etiquette, which is something you should avoid doing, even in the midst of a pandemic. I understand you want to just celebrate with everyone, but I would be offended that I was invited to a gift giving event without being invited to the wedding itself. If you want to have an event with everyone that doesn’t breach etiquette standards, have a bridal luncheon instead. Luncheons aren’t typically gift giving events, so it allows people to celebrate with you without leaving them to feel as they were used for a gift.

View Quoted Comment Respectfully, I disagree. If I received an invite to a shower I’d be more confident that I was still getting an invite to the wedding. Sure, there’s a pandemic, but I’d still feel a bit deceived if on the tails of a gift giving event I was then told I wouldn’t be invited to the wedding. Truth be told, unless we were extremely close I would not be attending a shower or wedding these days with the way COVID numbers keep creeping up in my state. But I digress...


Jillian - Go ahead and invite everyone, but please be straight forward and honest now with guests who you already know will be culled from the wedding invite list. Some (or maybe even all!) will still choose to celebrate with you! Some will choose a different way or different day to celebrate with you, and that’s totally fine as well.

I agree with the pps who are suggesting you just stick to the guests who will be invited to the wedding.... It's one thing when brides have had showers and THEN found out they had to cut the guest list to a bare minimum. However, if I were a guest invited to the shower when the plan was already in place to cut me from the wedding guest list, I'd be pretty hurt and annoyed. It's really easy for that to come across as, "give me a gift, but you're not invited to the wedding," EVEN if you don't mean it that way. Covid is a mess, and it's understandable you don't want to miss out on any more than you have to, but this is still poor etiquette. I'd make sure the guest lists align. (Also, unless you were my daughter or best friend, I'd probably decline the shower invitation depending on the status of the infection rates where the event is located. Pretty much everywhere the strong message is "avoid social gatherings," so that's what I'm doing.) I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this.

I think that’s a great idea! You obviously want them to be part of your day and they should be understanding that they can’t come to the wedding. I would definitely go to the bridal shower even if I wasn’t invited to the wedding under these circumstances!

If you want to socialize with everyone, it is fine to host another kind of party. Do so and enjoy an afternoon women's social if you like. No gifts, and if you want to host it, providing a luncheon or tea as a host does, fine. ... But not a shower. A shower gift is always a second gift, smaller and in addition to the wedding gift. If other people ( not you) give a Shower, it is always only for the closest people, not all the women going to a medium or large wedding. Because only very close friends and family want to get 2 gifts. And considering, even for Covid, you are excluding most from your actual wedding, to then request a second gift from all those not invited, which also presumes a wedding one, is just way out of any kind of good manners. And you should never have anything to do with giving a party where the whole reason for the party is to get presents for yourself. If others want to give a shower, they will volunteer to do so, and it should include only those invited to the actual ceremony.
You start by saying you don't care about breaking the rules. But I am never going to recommend that's bride, you do something really rude to your guests. It is not just wedding showers. Baby showers, birthdays, it is always rude for anyone to throw parties to get presents for themselves ( or their spouse). People will talk about you for years to come.