Cousin seems upset about not being a bridesmaid

I understand completely. Choosing bridesmaid are tough especially when it comes to family. Just remember it's your wedding and you can't make everyone happy. With your cousin having a new baby, money issues and refusing to be in pictures I would say you made the right choice. Hang in there and enjoy the joys of planning your wedding!

If it were me, I'd call her and tell her what you wrote in your first paragraph (#1-3 only, because you don't want to bring up what other people said about her), and then tell her that you are sorry for assuming, that you were wrong to do so, and if she was still interested, you'd love for her to be in your wedding party. Let her know you weren't trying to hurt her in any way whatsoever, and you feel terrible that she's hurt and insulted.

I'm against texting in this situation, because you can't detect tone over text. She needs to hear sincerity in your voice. And if she doesn't pick up, call again after a week. If she doesn't pick up the second time, then leave that apology on her voicemail.

Can you include her in another way? Or ask her to be an honorary bridesmaid? She could wear like a black dress or solid dress that compliments your colors and be included in a few of the pictures? I'd just explain it as you could only pick X number of BMs but you'd like for her to have special recognition because she's close to you?

I'm sorry but letting someone be a "honorary" bridesmaid is so terrible.

GymRat said it perfectly. So, do what she said and NOT what Kourt mentioned.

I have two cousins who I love dearly and could not fulfill the financial obligation of the BM dress because they are not financially independent. However, they LOVE being included in all things wedding and I really need help setting up my reception venue while I take pics with my parents and siblings before the ceremony. My cousins will be helping me with this. I am getting them a nice gift and mentioning them in the program. I found this was best option for me so they weren't in a financial strain but still got to participate.

Being a guest is also an honor. Honestly I feel like if you two were as close as you claim to be, you would have asked her regardless of the concerns you listed above and would have let her decide. One of my BMs was having financial issues when I asked her to be a part of my bridal party. I couldn't imagine not asking her and if she couldn't participate I would respect her decision. I may be of the unpopular opinion here, but I wouldn't add her now. I also would not make her an "honorary bridesmaid" or ask her to do physical labor on your wedding day. Those will only serve to make her feel more excluded and like shit. If you want to involve her, maybe ask her to read something during the ceremony. However, there is nothing wrong with simply being a guest.

Linda: that is extremely rude. Hire people to do work for you, don't pretend like it's some kind of honor. Terrible.

I would be hurt if someone called me and told me they assumed all of items 1-4 about me, but oh since I'm interested there is suddenly room for me in the party? Beingan after thought or being asked out of pity is not a good feeling. You don't have to ask her to be an honorary BM, but try and include her in another way.. a host/hostess, personal attendant, etc if you have those available. You can always say you were meaning to include her all along but hadn't got around to it yet.

Ugh Kourt no. That's not nice. That's so rude.

Eta: autocorrect

Personal assistant? Ew. That basically says, you werent special enough to be honored as a BM but can you be my personal assistant (i.e., unpaid labor) and help me get ready the day of my wedding?

Gym Rat killed it. That's what I think you should do. Absolutely!