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Just Said Yes July 2020

Cousin leap-frogged my wedding

Rosalie, on May 27, 2019 at 11:53 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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So I'm having a breakdown. My fiance is in the military, so we were having a longer than usual engagement (16 months from wedding date) while we both adjusted to our new military lifestyle. My wedding was originally scheduled for July of this year (2019) in Puerto Rico. It was going to be a destination wedding for the immediate family, but a "local" wedding for the extended family. I was super excited, got my dress, picked out the venue and sent out digital save the dates.

Well, in January I received a save the date from my fiance's cousin. She decided on a destination wedding....in Puerto Rico a month before mine. Lots of the family admitted they weren't going to be able to make it to both and I tearfully decided to postpone my wedding for 1 year.

But now I'm having regrets and hesitancies about everything. About postponing my wedding in the first place, about having the wedding in Puerto Rico at all. I'm about to go to her wedding in a week and I'm struggling. Everything I see and hear just makes me think "this could have been me". I mean... nobody wants to be "the second wedding". And I don't know if mine will feel special anymore....part of me just wants to call the whole thing off, but I already put down the $1k deposit.

I need some coaching. What do I do? I'm so upset, a bitter, and hurt by all this. But very soon I'm going to have to go to her wedding and smile and be happy for her.

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Jolie, on May 29, 2019 at 1:42 PM

Master May 2020
Tara · on May 28, 2019 at 2:17 AM
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Did your fiancés cousin know that you were having a wedding originally in July 2019?
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Dedicated October 2019
Katie · on May 28, 2019 at 2:42 AM
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That's totally understandable and pushing off a date is no fun, but I wouldn't worry about being "the second wedding". I knew two sisters who had their weddings 3 months apart! One was last December and one was last March, and tbh, it's not like people were comparing the two weddings. They were more about celebrating the couple spending their lives together.

People also plan marriage (from the ceremony to reception) in their own style and for what suits them (from decor to program) so I'm sure both weddings will be different enough from each other to stand out! Plus, there's a great community on here to help with ideas and stuff you have questions on! I wish you all the best!
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October 2019
Chelsey · on May 28, 2019 at 3:53 AM
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You preferred a good wedding destination. I wish a happy married life in advance.
Thanks for sharing your marriage party information.
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Just Said Yes July 2020
Rosalie · on May 28, 2019 at 8:22 AM
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Yes, she knew our date. I approached her about it when my mother-in-law-to-be called me crying saying the family was divided and no one knew what to do. My cousin-to-be said very politely but firmly that she considered my date carefully when she chose hers, and that she didn't want a long engagement and had always planned on Puerto Rico for her wedding. She just wanted her dream wedding and wasn't going to compromise.

Which I suppose is her right. But it still feels selfish of her because *I* had to compromise so that everyone could go.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on May 28, 2019 at 8:59 AM
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Wow! That's really rude of your cousin! Honestly I'd be cursing the cousin out after the fact, but I'm not nearly as composed as you.
I don't think anyone will think differently about your wedding or it being postponed.
On the plus side now you can get ideas from your cousin's wedding, and maybe save a little more for a better wedding.
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on May 28, 2019 at 9:19 AM
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I honestly think that it’s super rude that your cousin did that, full well knowing your date and knowing that family would need to travel to the destination. It was very gracious of you to postpone and I can completely understand your right to being upset or frustrated with the cousin. As for the second wedding part, are you having it at the same location? If not, it will be a totally different vibe and you will make it your own. Every family wedding I’ve been to has been different and amazing in their own way. I’m sure now that you have extra time to save and plan you will be able to have the spectacular wedding that you want.
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Master October 2019
Jolie · on May 29, 2019 at 1:42 PM
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She was rude bottom line. She should've chose A) her dream wedding right away (which happened to be identical to yours already planned) or B) have a longer engagement and have said wedding after yours. B was the correct choice. If I was in your position I wouldn't care if she didn't want a long engagement. She didn't consider your families coming and your wedding. She put blinders on, and was selfish. I would take comfort knowing you're a much kinder person than she is moving your wedding back to think about your guests!
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