Courthouse wedding before official wedding

A courthouse wedding is a real wedding. It absolutely counts. Whether you wear rings or not you will be legally married from that point forward.

I'm sure your family and friends will be very hurt if they found out that your ceremony in the next year isn't your actual wedding since you'd already be married. And at your ceremony there would be no marriage license to sign since you'd already be married.

I'd understand wanting to get married sooner for different reasons but you absolutely should tell your family, especially if they are offering to pay for any portions of the wedding. Don't be deceitful towards them.

The day you get married is a real wedding, and a real marriage. Your gut is right on this one. Personally, I think it's silly to get married and pretend you aren't. If you get married, then you should own it and not hide that from your families and friends. I don't see any problem with getting married now, being open and honest about it, and planning a celebration later, though.

What’s important about this is that YOU are uncomfortable about it. Listen to your gut, but also think realistically. Are the taxes/insurance really worth doing the court marriage immediately? If you still feel uncomfortable, don’t force yourself. You should be happy about your marriage whether it be a big wedding or on paper

Go with your gut. It’s fine to get married before the big party, just don’t lie about it

I would feel lied to as a guest, and as a friend or family member if I attended a wedding only to find out they were already married. It is wrong, and hurtful.

A court house wedding is the real thing.even if you dont wear wedding ring you still married.

IMO you get one wedding day, so chose wisely.

Because it's on paper is exactly why it counts!! It's OK to do a courthouse marriage, just don't lie about it. I personally wouldn't want to marry someone that wants to keep our marriage a secret for even a day!!! It's a bit hurtful...and sad!!! No matter the reason. I would say go with your gut and do what makes you feel comfortable. Also, keep in mind that most couples sign their marriage certificate RIGHT after the wedding ceremony, and if you lie to your family about it, then you would have to explain to them why your NOT signing anything on the spot.......that would be awkward....

It's not 'married' as you are married and I'm pretty sure anyone can look it up if they are curious. This is how people's feelings get hurt and so not worth the secret.

Please trust your gut on this one. Lying to people, especially those closest to you, is NEVER a good way to start a marriage. If you want a quick ceremony (which is still a wedding, btw) go ahead and have a party later - just tell people about it. People will understand it is for medical benefits, deployment, moving across country, etc, but to keep a whopper like that just to be secretive it really wrong. Look, I am a mom to two sons, both in college and if they did this I would be horribly hurt, as would their dad and other relatives.

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This is EXACTLY how I feel about it! I want our wedding to be the ONLY wedding. Thanks everyone, I am going to send him this link so he can see how wrong he is!

Does your state offer domestic partnerships? In NY, it's easy and cheap to apply for one, gives you lots of rights (including insurance) and only one person has to go to the court house to break the partnership before your wedding (a requirement here in NY). If it's available, it will be a nice compromise that will get you legal benefits until you're ready to get married.

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I will definitely look into that! Thanks.

I told him that I wouldn't lie and that if we did decide to get married early we would have to say we are doing like a "commitment ceremony" or something. But honestly, I don't think a ceremony would mean as much knowing we are already married.

Nope. Then your wedding is just a vow renewal.

Well, getting married actually increased the amount we had to pay in taxes! So no benefit there unless one of you is not working or makes very little income. As for insurance, have you looked into your state's equivalent of Obamacare? Each state should have its own version where depending on your income you might actually qualify for free to low cost insurance.

But as for your question, trust your gut instinct. If you decide to do this then don't lie about it. You can still do this and go forward with a beautiful celebration of marriage; it just wouldn't be a wedding but rather a vow renewal and celebration of marriage.

I have a friend who got married at city hall back in December because her fiancé needed health insurance. There wedding is in 2 weeks. Nobody is upset. Everyone knows. Nobody cares. What matters is if that her husband can go to the doctor now and receive adequate medical care. We are all still excited to celebrate their love and marriage in a few weeks time. So IMO- the only thing I’d be squiggy about is hiding it. Your friends will potentially be hurt by you hiding it, but people will be understanding if it’s for a legit reason.

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Thanks! I agree, we shouldn't hide it if we choose to do it!

It's a long, personal story of why we want me on his health insurance, but basically the type of care that I need isn't covered on Medicaid or low cost insurance (which I currently have). It's not an emergency situation, but something that would benefit us both to have taken care of sooner rather than later. And I agree about the taxes, I'm not sure it would benefit us in the end.

This is a topic that I feel is really black and white for people. I am like your fiancé and don't think it's a big deal and can see the difference between a paper marriage and a real marriage. Others on here, omg, it's like your lying to everyone and your "real" wedding will be a sham. So dramatic. But my point is, now that I know that those are some peoples responses, I would never do it because I wouldn't want to deal with such strong opinions and the possibility that some of my loved ones wouldn't be able see the difference and now won't celebrate my "second" marriage with me if they found out because I "lied" to them. It's just not worth it, people really react strongly to this and think you are trying to scam them out of presents or something.

View Quoted Comment Calling a courthouse wedding not a proper marriage is disrespectful and out of line! You are telling everyone on here who didn’t have what YOU consider a proper church wedding, then it’s fake.