Courthouse wedding and bridal shower

I think the general consensus is that anyone invited to wedding-related events must be invited to the wedding. So if you're having an intimate courthouse wedding, then only those guests should be invited to the bridal shower.

It is rude to have a bridal shower with people that will not be at the wedding. If by intimate you mean just you and your future spouse, then yes, it is extremely rude to have pre-wedding activities but no actual wedding for the people participating in them.

If you have a bridal shower, you'll only want to invite people who are invited to the ceremony/reception meal. So anyone invited to the meal afterwards would be included. It may come off gift-grabby if you don't invite them to the celebratory dinner, but want them to shower you with gifts.

You don't plan pre-wedding activities, such as a shower and bachelorette party. If someone choose to throw them for you, go for it! Just make sure that if you are asked for a guest list for a pre-wedding activity, you only invite those who will be invited to the wedding.

There are exceptions to the above guideline, which is correct, by the way.

There is no breach of etiquette if a group of women, knowing they are not invited to the wedding, choose to host a shower in your honor. This situation is common among church members, co-workers, club members etc.

View Quoted Comment I guess I should of thought my question through a bit more. I don’t want gifts just something to celebrate with people that isn’t necessarily an actual reception. More of an engagement party than a bridal shower.

View Quoted Comment The same rules apply. If you want to celebrate with people, they need to be invited to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment If family members don’t want to celebrate your engagement unless they get to watch you get married then why even invite them? That seems absolutely ridiculous to me that you can’t have a meal with your family in celebration of your engagement unless you have a wedding to invite them to. Age old traditions are bogus.

View Quoted Comment Then you do you boo and hope your family doesn’t get offended? You asked for opinions. That is mine.

Engagement parties, showers, and bachelorette parties are all considered pre-wedding events and everyone invited to then should be invited to the wedding. When someone gets invited to an engagement party, they think that means they'll be invited to your wedding. It's a fair expectation. How awkward for them to later find out they will not be invited. It's not about someone not being happy for you if they won't be invited to the wedding. It's about sending mixed signals to your loved ones about whether or not they'll be included in your wedding celebration. One of the choices you make when having a really small wedding is that some of the pre-wedding celebrations no longer make sense.

It's also a faux pas to plan your own shower, engagement party, or bachelorette party. These are parties planned in your honor, so it doesn't look good if you throw your own. The wedding is the party that YOU throw to celebrate your union. The other parties are optional and only happen if others decide to throw them. We did not have anyone throw us an engagement party, so we didn't have one.

I will say that I've been to a "shower/reception" thing for a couple that eloped. After the finally announced that the had gotten married, a few people in our shared friend group wanted to show their support and throw a small celebration for them (I don't think anyone really knew what to call it). Everyone involved in throwing the lunch and everyone invited obviously had no expectation that they were invited to a wedding, because, well, it had already happened. A few of us chose to bring gifts. The couple did not ask for this, though. They did not expect it, they did not plan it, it was something low key our friend group did to say "congrats."

I realize you're not eloping, but you are having an extremely small, private wedding and the people you want to celebrate with outside of your wedding aren't on the guest list. My advice to you would be not to expect anything. If asked about your wedding plans, just be honest and clear that you're having an intimate courthouse wedding. If anyone not included in your wedding celebration decides they want to celebrate your engagement or marriage, they'll approach you (grab drinks or dinner with you, or will take it upon themselves to get a few mutual friends or relatives together to say, "Hey, congrats guys! Let's use our time tonight to celebrate you two.") That's what would be appropriate in your case.

View Quoted Comment I suggested to another bride to call it a brunch if you don't want the connotations of a shower, and she liked that. But people host engagement parties well before they have their guest list for the actual wedding, so really, you can call it whatever you want and will be fine. In fact, the checklist on this very app has you plan and host your engagement party before it has you start on your guest list. So yes, people are often invited to parties without being invited to the wedding. Parties that do not include gifts or cost the attendee money are perfectly fine to invite the whole world if you want.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! My fiancé and I would never expect gifts from anyone but I am still asking my sister to be my matron of honor and I know she will want to do some pre wedding stuff because I’m the only sister she has. We plan on making it known from the start there will not be an actual wedding so no one gets their feelings hurt.

Well the way to include others in a shower or other party someone is gracious enough to throw for you (you do NOT plan your own!) would be to have a private courthouse wedding but a larger reception afterwards where more of your friends and family are invited.

Omg ya’ll. I am NOT planning on throwing myself any kind of party. I am asking Incase my sister would like to as she will still be my matron of honor.

100% agree with muriel. My school throws showers for people getting married, knowing full well that the majority of our faculty won't be invited to the wedding. I think if someone offers to throw one FOR you, and they're completely in charge of communication and logistics, it wouldn't be off base to accept.

We're doing an intimate wedding with immediate family only (11 of us) and I'm not doing engagement party or bridal shower. If you're not inviting people to your wedding it would look gift-grabby to invite them to a shower

I feel like no one is reading where I mentioned not wanting gifts and not planning on throwing myself any kind of party

I love how everything on here is about what they think rules are. Look if you want to have something before you say I do. Do it!!!!! Who’s to say it’s wrong. I have gone to plenty of showers like this and we give advise and good laughs. It’s about spending time with family and friends who love you and do not care about all of the other things but you being happy!!! I wish everyone in these groups would help and not be so negative about everything!!!!!