Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy July 2020

Court marriage and then big formal wedding later? Sorry really long!

Flag
Hide content

Aaleena, on December 22, 2019 at 11:18 PM

My boyfriend and I got married two days ago at the courthouse. I really really wanted to have a big wedding and celebrate with all of my friends and family but it got complicated. You see his family lives in a different country and half of my family lives in different countries and states in the US. This year his parents tried getting their visas but they were denied, but he thought that perhaps marrying each other sooner would help them get their visas for traveling. h So we decided to get a marriage license. I didn’t want to tell anyone or make it a big deal. I was just going to not say anything and make it seem to everyone that in a couple of years it would be our “real wedding day” but I’m bummed because my parents who can’t keep a secret told all of my close family that we got married 🙄🥺 i am sad for a few reasons 1) my now husbands family isn’t here so i didn’t really want to do anything special without them present. 2) my cousins aren’t here either 3) I feel like some people will not make it a priority to come, to celebrate this special occasion with us in the future because it’s not “our real wedding day” or they could perceive it in the wrong way. 4) I really wanted to have a “real” wedding, not because of gifts but to celebrate with all of our loved ones and honor family cultural traditions. My question would it be bad to have another ceremony and party later. Would you attend?

Show all

35 Comments

VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on December 23, 2019 at 12:27 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

We were legally married, then "celebrated our marriage with a handfasting". We made sure people knew we were going to be legally married so there were no hurt feelings, but we still wanted to celebrate with people we love. My sister did the same when she got married in Jamaica, then came home for a reception with friends and family. I like your wording here as long as guests are aware of the fact that you're legally married. I've seen the secret come out after and upset certain people.
- Reply
Savvy July 2020
Aaleena · on December 23, 2019 at 1:01 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Ok so just be honest got it thanks
- Reply
Savvy July 2020
Aaleena · on December 23, 2019 at 1:03 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Ouch sorry I didn’t mean to sound rude! I think all of you are just telling me I should be honest with everyone and not hide the fact that we are married maybe I can put that on my website or something thanks so much for the suggestion
- Reply
VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on December 23, 2019 at 1:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
I was going to suggest calling it a "celebration of marriage" if vow renewal isn't something family that are abroad are aware of! Go for it and have fun!!
- Reply
Savvy July 2020
Aaleena · on December 23, 2019 at 1:49 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Yea I think I will just go with that thanks to all of you for your opinions !
- Reply
VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on December 23, 2019 at 2:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

That's a great idea. That's what we did as well as tell our family and close friends personally so we could answer any questions they might have. I don't think you're being rude, we're all giving our advice and it can seem overwhelming sometimes when the same piece of advice is repeated on these threads. Good luck and do what is best for you!
- Reply
Just Said Yes October 2020
Meganandlonginittonguyenit · on December 23, 2019 at 4:42 PM
Flag

Hide content
From a Native American lady who is marrying a Vietnamese man in 2 weeks but is not having our "wedding" until October 2020 I say don't try and hide it. We have been very upfront with people that we are getting married in January BUT we are also saying it's our Wedding in October as that's when all the ceremonial things will happen. We have friends from all races and backgrounds who will be in attendance but for the sake of other people who are not from our cultural background our invitations simple state "to celebrate the marriage of Megan and Long". I think as long as you are upfront with your family and friends they will see the importance of you wedding ceremony even if it is on a different day than the day you got married. Either way congratulations on your marriage.
- Reply
Just Said Yes October 2022
Jordan · on December 23, 2019 at 5:03 PM
Flag

Hide content
Me and my boyfriend are doing the same thing! So I would attend!(:
- Reply
Savvy July 2020
Aaleena · on December 23, 2019 at 5:47 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Ok thank you so much that makes me feel so much better! 💕
- Reply
Savvy July 2020
Aaleena · on December 23, 2019 at 5:47 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Awesome thank you and I’m glad to know I’m not the only one
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Beth · on December 23, 2019 at 9:45 PM
Flag

Hide content
I have gone to a few weddings like that. The marriage certificate is a legal document filed with the government. The wedding is personal, and for some religious. We are doing a private ceremony at a different time than our “wedding”, so on our invitations/ save the date we call it a wedding celebration. (Join is for the celebration of marriage between...)
- Reply
Just Said Yes October 2021
Julia · on December 23, 2019 at 10:51 PM
Flag

Hide content
You could use a future anniversary to renew your vows (this time in front of your family) and have the big wedding you want! By doing it on you anniversary, you’d not only get the wedding you want, but you’d also reinstating the significance of the date you two got “convenience married” on. I’d ****% attend an event like that for a loved one!

My fiancé and I debated “secretly” getting married 2 years before our planned wedding day for insurance reasons, and I fought with this same issue for awhile. Although we didn’t get “convenience married”, I realized if we had, anyone who does feel like the 2nd wedding is a scam for gifts can stay home because I don’t want them there anyway.
- Reply
Expert September 2021
Ka-Rina · on December 23, 2019 at 11:56 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
You can totally invite people to celebrate your marriage. I agree people put different meaning into a word "wedding". Husband and I went to a court house in 2015, I don't consider it a wedding, just a day of our marriage. Our "wedding" is next year when we celebrate with family and friends. Nobody is "hurt" about it, people are happy we have created a nice life and want to celebrate it with them. I don't expect gifts though cuz though it's a wedding for me I'm not sure how others would handle it nor do I care. I can't wait!!!!
- Reply
Just Said Yes April 2021
Joana · on December 24, 2019 at 12:05 AM
Flag

Hide content
If you still want to celebrate it with friends and family, I say still do it.
I would go if if it were my family. They would want to be there with you. Celebration of marriage.
- Reply

Savvy July 2020
Aaleena · on December 25, 2019 at 4:41 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Awesome thank you so much it makes me feel better that other people have had the same experience. 😊
- Reply