To provide a little backstory before I dive into the current issue, my fiance and I had a long discussion about our wedding date and finally agreed on September 18. 2019. We also discussed things like how the marriage would be consummated (it's my first time) and were in complete agreement at that point. However, my fiance is well known for agreeing to things and then backing out at the last minute, which he says is due to anxiety and fear, so naturally I was skeptical about whether he would follow through this time. He promised and swore that he would and everything was fine for a while. Then about 6 months into our engagement he started showing the signs that he was getting ready to back out. Sure enough, the end of March rolls around and here comes the "I don't knows" and "maybe we should hold offs." As you can imagine, I'm pissed and disappointed. I tried my best to convince him to still go through with it but that just lead to many heated discussions and fights being carried out over the past few months.
A few weeks ago he suggested we start couples counseling again. Since I've been trying to get him to go/ participate for years I agreed. Now I think that may have been a mistake. The appointment was made in his name and he filled out all the paperwork, which I realized was geared more for individual therapy then it was for couples. I now see this as red flag number 1. The first session went ok at first but it was just the "getting to know you and your problems" session so I couldn't really gauge how it would turn out then. I did notice however, that she completely agreed with me throughout the session up until the last 5 minutes when she did a complete turn around and told me "well you can get married but you're not getting the other thing you want." (in relation to something I asked for for our honeymoon). I was totally flabbergasted. How could someone that was agreeing with me just minutes before do such a quick 180? and WHY did she suddenly change her viewpoint? Red flag number 2. That made me uneasy about the therapy but I went to another session anyway.
That brings us to today's session. The same exact thing happened again. Throughout the entire session I would give her my opinion on something and she would tell me she agreed and it was a reasonable request. She would then ask my fiance how he felt about it, why he wouldn't agree to it, and what would make him comfortable agreeing to it. She seemed to be on my side until she heard his opinion then she would either change the subject or look at me and in a round about way say "you're screwed." I started to become very frustrated with this back and forth game and eventually stopped talking. That didn't go unnoticed however, and they would both start pestering me until I talked again but the same would happen and I gave up. Throughout our session she kept making comments that suggested that we should just break up. Red flag number 3. At the end of this session she looked at me and literally told me "maybe you should just find someone else to fill your needs." That was my breaking point. The point of this therapy was to find ways to work through our problems and help fix our relationship. Instead, she's trying to split us up.
She gave us "homework" which was to make a list of everything we need out of the relationship in order to be happy. She then tells us (though she was looking at me the entire time) that it's a compatibility test to see if we're really right for each other and pretty much told us it usually ends in the couple splitting up. She quickly backtracks and says "NOT that I'm saying that'll happen to you, but it's a common outcome." Which I took as her saying "No matter what you put on that paper you're relationship is done."
I'm completely gutted. I don't feel comfortable seeing this therapist again. We have an appointment with her next Tuesday and I want to tell my fiance that I'm done, but I know he'll say it's because she's not taking my side and I'm pissed about it. That's not it at all but I know he won't see it any other way. I feel like she's not doing the sessions to help us save our relationship, but rather to end it. I love my fiance and I don't want us to break up. I'm not entirely against therapy and still believe it would help us if done correctly. That being said, there is not a single doubt in my mind that going to these sessions WILL end us.
How would you proceed?
