Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Dedicated September 2018

Couples shower/engagement party Invite etiquette

Whippppss, on April 13, 2018 at 7:22 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 18

Saved

Flag
Hide content

My wedding is a DW In Europe. We kept the list of the people invited to the wedding very small because we wanted an intimate setting With extremely close friends and immediate family, and our venue can only accommodate so many. As a result, a lot of good friends of mine will not be in attendance.

I will not personally be having a bridal shower, but some friends of ours recently offered to throw us a laid back crawfish couples shower (we aren’t opening gifts, it’s just a time to hang out with friends). I would love for the friends that won’t be in attendance (aka weren’t on the wedding guest list) to come and eat, drink, be merry and hang out with us at this shower. I don’t want them to bring gifts (and will specifically say this to them). I just want them to bring themselves because I just want them to be included somehow since they won’t be attending the wedding.

However, I know there’s rules around not inviting people to showers if they werent also invited to the wedding, because it can come across as a gift grabby.. But I truly just want them to come and hang out and have a good time!

So Is it OK to still invite them and just explain that they don’t need to bring gifts? Or is that still a no-no? What should I do?

Flag
Hide content

18 Comments

Latest activity by MN, on April 14, 2018 at 2:02 AM

Champion June 2018
muriel · on April 13, 2018 at 7:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
It's easy. Don't call it a shower. If you call it a shower, the underlying message is that you DO want gifts, no matter what you say otherwise.
- Reply
Dedicated September 2018
Whippppss · on April 13, 2018 at 7:34 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
So a wedding celebration? Engagement party?
I dunno if I can say that because It’s still a shower...my hostest still wanted to include registry info on the formal invitations, but I was thinking she could send formal invites to those who were invited to the wedding , and then I personally would just call the others up and tell them about the “party” or whatever we call it.
- Reply
VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on April 13, 2018 at 7:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
But when they see others with gifts they will be embarrassed that they didn't bring one. You shouldn't invite them and just celebrate with those invited to the wedding. It's ok to keep things small but that comes with some 'consequences'. Or decline the shower.
- Reply
Super January 2019
PalmTrees · on April 13, 2018 at 8:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
You’ll have to decide if you want it to be a shower or not, can’t really go half in on that. For me to comment more I’d like to ask - are the friends throwing you the shower among those invited to the wedding or the friends that aren’t? Because my advice will be contingent on that.
- Reply
Champion December 2017
earias · on April 13, 2018 at 8:22 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with the others that you can't call this a shower and don't put your registry information on the invitations.
- Reply
Champion June 2018
muriel · on April 13, 2018 at 8:28 PM
Flag

Hide content
No, that would simply be way too awkward. Talk about putting your guests in an uncomfortable position!
You are the guest of honor. You can tell the host that you are not comfortable with her calling it a shower, nor putting the registry on the invitations. That would be soliciting gifts no matter what you call the event.
- Reply
Dedicated November 2018
Brenda · on April 13, 2018 at 8:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
Just don’t call it a shower. Call it a party and problem solved
- Reply
Super September 2018
Janel · on April 13, 2018 at 8:39 PM
Flag

Hide content
I don’t think you should invite people who are not invited to the wedding to the shower someone has offered to throw for you.
- Reply
Dedicated September 2018
Whippppss · on April 13, 2018 at 8:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
The ones throwing the shower is the best man and his wife. So they were invited.
- Reply
Beginner May 2019
Raven · on April 13, 2018 at 9:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
Don't call it a shower
- Reply
Master July 2017
Going to the chapel · on April 13, 2018 at 9:20 PM
Flag

Hide content
You wanted a destination wedding in Europe. You wanted it small. There are consequences to those decisions and not having a shower is one of those consequences. So is not having an engagement party. If you really want to celebrate with those not invited, host a celebration of your marriage after you return from Europe. And you pick up the tab for the food and drink, not a friend or family member.
- Reply
Expert June 2018
Adrianna · on April 13, 2018 at 9:26 PM
Flag

Hide content
There's really no wedding "rules." If your friends want to have wedding festivities before the wedding, there's no rule against it! Happy planning!
- Reply
VIP May 2018
PBiazinha · on April 13, 2018 at 9:33 PM
Flag

Hide content
Im doing a wedding celebration after our DW so we can “hang and be merry” with all of our dear friends and not so close relatives but that still want to be part of this time in our lives. Don’t call it a shower or just have the very few people invited.
- Reply
Devoted April 2018
Karma · on April 13, 2018 at 10:31 PM
Flag

Hide content
Call it an engagement party... it’s awkward when you’re invited to a shower when you aren’t invited to the wedding
- Reply
Super January 2019
PalmTrees · on April 14, 2018 at 12:24 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
In that case I’d do a non-gift party, so not a shower.
- Reply
Savvy June 2019
Jessica · on April 14, 2018 at 12:36 AM
Flag

Hide content
Is it bad advice to suggest letting this person throw you the shower and inviting wedding guest and then you throwing a normal party with those close friends at a later date?
- Reply
Champion June 2018
muriel · on April 14, 2018 at 12:45 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Yes, it's bad advice. It is poor etiquette to invite someone to a shower when they weren't close enough to make the cut for a wedding invitation. The couple can entertain anyone they so choose after the wedding, but that doesn't make it ok to ask for gifts from non wedding guests at a shower.
- Reply

Devoted May 2019
MN · on April 14, 2018 at 2:02 AM
Flag

Hide content
I would have a party in the US for your other friends where you or your parents are hosting it if you want to celebrate with them. If you really wanted the other guests to attend the crawfish boil as well and they all know they are not invited to the wedding and are cool with it, make sure to be firm that you mention no gifts on all invites to the party. I am having a destination wedding as well. We are having a separate dinner in thailand that my parents are hosting for extended family and family friends that we did not invite to the wedding in Ireland. For people who we invited that can not make it, we are having them join us at the bachelor/bachelorette party. We are not asking for gifts at all even from invited guests as it is a destination wedding.
- Reply

Bridal & Wedding Showers The Bridal Shower Invitation Etiquette You Need to Know Use this guide to bridal shower invitation wording and etiquette when it's time...

Bridal Shower vs. Bachelorette Party: The 6 Major Differences Between These Iconic Events — Bridal & Wedding Showers Bridal Shower vs. Bachelorette Party: The 6 Major... Seriously, what's the difference between a bridal shower and bachelorette party?...

24 Engagement Party Dresses for the Guest Who Wants to Impress — Engagement Party 24 Engagement Party Dresses for the Guest Who Wants to... Celebrating a newly engaged couple? These engagement party dresses were made for...

Post content has been hidden

Couples shower/engagement party Invite etiquette

18 Comments

Related articles