Counseling

I have went thru betrayal with my FH and no we didn't go to counseling I just learned how to believe in us and change somethings and communicate better with him...

Kiara...I believe in us to but he has to believe and there are some underlying issues that really need to be addressed before I walk down the aisle. So we’re choosing this as a means to the end. Not focusing on the wedding right now just the marriage

Try to think of when you have the thoughts/emotions of the past. Is he saying or doing something that triggers them at the time? If so then try telling yourself messages of how he is not the same person he was before. It's ok to feel the feelings and think the thoughts. Rebuilding trust takes a long long time.
If both of you are moving forward together understand it might be years of rebuilding even after the vows. The past doesn't go away. How we react to it changes.

Calm my anxious heart has a good section in it about the freedom of true forgiveness, it's really hard in this day and age, society is very "they hurt me and now i will be the saltiest person and gossip about it with you and that's how I'll feel better and once they make up for it we can talk again!". And that feels really good in the moment! Not with my fiance, but with some family in the past, I've had a very hard time not saying "Ok! I forgive this, but I don't forget it!" because it feels so unnatural to forgive and then....forget. Obviously in cases where you're putting yourself in danger, this doesn't apply, but when it's a battle of forgiveness for the 70x7th time, and we keep thinking back on how much a changed loved one hurt us in the past when it's all over, you're stopping growth. All things take time. It sounds like you are fighting for the marriage and you are confident your fiance is too, two people putting in the effort and equipping themselves with the right tools like you are to get where they want to be will find their way, just in time.

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Thank you Bride2020! Sometimes I feel bad because I still think about it. We met with our Pastor and he told my FH that he will have to take "doo-doo baths" (LOL) because he's the reason I am at the point I am. And me forgiving him is his second chance to make it right. To build a new foundation for us. I understand that all men operate differently but sometimes he will do something that will trigger a thought and it pisses me off! But yes, we both want to make it work and we're doing any and everything that will help us along the way.

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Yaaasss D!!! Thank you for that!! Something happened last night that was a trigger but I quickly changed my reaction. I didn't say anything but instead of reacting like I did previously by being accusatory, I calmed my nerves by breathing deeply and then talking on another topic. I am, however, going to bring it up in counseling so I can say how I felt about those triggers,