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Expert November 2021

Coronavirus etiquette

Jade, on June 29, 2020 at 4:59 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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I know there really is no etiquette rules because this is all unknown territory, but I have a question about shower and cancellation etiquette.

So my wedding is November 21st of this year, and FH and I decided that we would plan as normal until August 20th and then evaluate and decide if we need to postpone. So I have been doing just that. My sister planned the shower for August 8th, because I live out of state and it is easiest for me to travel in the summer. Again, we talked and all agreed that it will be a social distanced shower but if we need to cancel we will. Well invites went out on Monday for the shower, and we received a shower gift this weekend in the mail. And this is where things kinda changed. FH is really unhappy that the shower is going as planned because he thinks it is beyond tacky to have a shower, receive gifts, and then postpone the wedding 3 weeks later. We would postpone the entire wedding (ceremony and reception) and not have a smaller version either. He insisted that if we postponed wed have to send all the gifts back because it would be so rude of us if we did not. I feel the complete opposite. All the people at the shower would still be invited to the wedding, it would just be one year later. So now he just wants to postpone the wedding right now so that the shower can also be postponed. I suggested we just move the shower to right before the wedding, but that was still an issue because we still might have a shower than have to postpone the wedding. No one knows what August or November will look like, and so I think most people would understand if we had a shower then postponed the wedding.

So what is the "etiquette" on this?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Shayna, on June 30, 2020 at 9:25 AM

Master October 2022
Jana · on June 29, 2020 at 6:43 PM
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From Miss Manners herself:

https://www.post-gazette.com/life/lifestyle/2020/05/25/Miss-Manners-Etiquette-not-suspended-in-an-emergency/stories/202005250061

https://www.mercurynews.com/2020/05/29/miss-manners-what-do-we-tell-people-cancel-big-wedding/amp/
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Devoted December 2020
Rachel · on June 29, 2020 at 6:45 PM
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Like you said there is no “etiquette” on this, but your guests will fully understand the need for you to postpone the wedding & wont expect you to give the gifts back. I highly doubt you would have anyone being upset about this situation, as so many brides have had to postpone over the last few months. I say have your shower as planned, there is no reason that you don’t deserve to have some semblance of feeling like a normal bride during these times!
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Master October 2022
Jana · on June 29, 2020 at 6:53 PM
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Https://www.theknot.com/content/amphtml/registry-etiquette-postponed-wedding
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Just Said Yes August 2021
Michelle · on June 29, 2020 at 8:27 PM
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Our wedding is planned for the end of September too. My shower is August 22 and I am going ahead with the shower too. Even thought we are unsure of what our wedding will look like or if we have to postpone I still would love to have my shower . Even if we have to social distance and have to wear masks . I also feel that the guest you invite will make the choice in there best interest. I feel that it is not rude cause yes, they will all be invited to the wedding no matter when you have it. I. Ever thought that all of us would be here having to make the toughest decision. I wish you all the best and I hope you are able to have a beautiful day❤️
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on June 30, 2020 at 1:39 AM
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If the wedding will still happen and the guest list won’t change (or, I suppose the guestlist can change as long as everyone from the shower is still on it) I don’t see any issue whatsoever. Sometimes circumstances mean a shower is way early and *thats* fine. The only world in which returning the gifts is important is if the marriage isn’t happening or if the gifters are being cut from the guestlist. Even then, covid times are unprecedented. If I gave you a gift then you had to cut me bc of covid restrictions , I would still very much want you to have that gift !!

Shower is present day and postponement is a lifetime away. Sounds like he may be mentally prepared to postpone and feeling sensitive about it!
If you don’t get married, RETURN THE GIFTS. If you’re still getting married and just have to delay due to a worldwide pandemic ...KEEP THAT STUFF! Everyone giving you a gift understands that the future is in flux. I’m still sending a gift for a wedding I was supposed to go to next month that was postponed til next year because I want them to know that I love them, support them, and am thinking of them and celebrating them even if we can’t have that moment now! (I would be so embarrassed if I discovered I made them uncomfortable and they returned the gift!!)
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Savvy August 2020
Shayna · on June 30, 2020 at 9:25 AM
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I agree that you do not have to return the gifts as long as you are still going to get married and have a wedding reception. Honestly, I think it would be kind of rude to send it back, knowing that in a year you will have another shower and that person would just need to hold on to it for an entire year? Or return it and then buy another gift in a year? That's a lot of work for something that is going to happen eventually anyway.
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