Controversial Topic: Honeymoon Shower

I don't like this hitting you up for money, in addition to a traditional gift ( physical or cash. ) A shower is given to assist people to set up a home and traditionally only at the first marriage, not 5 times if you marry 5 times. ( by any one person. ) It is to fill a need, not an entitlement. Not like, well since you were planning to spend the money on me anyway. If you do not need anything for your home, or home based leisure time, then have a social party for exchanging recipes, or none at all. If I simply plan to spend it on you anyways, I will add it to the wedding gift. If you are saving for a table and chairs, some thing that takes many people, I mat contribute. But frankly, there are lots of things that wait and wait before we can afford them for our home. If you really need nothing for your home, I will not pay to send you on vacation. I will give you a wedding gift, no shower gift, and we will replace our dishwasher at home sooner, for not having given you a home gift you do not need. Or get boots, or pay a babysitter so we can go out. We have no need to give it away for vacations for people who obviously have more stuff and money than we do. So, I would decline the shower.

I understand not wanting to receive gifts when you have been living together already. My bridal party mentioned having a bridal shower for me and I told them I didn't want one. It just seems like a waste of money to me. Me and my fiance have been together for 19 years we literally have everything we need, and if something needs updating we just go out and buy it. I didnt want them wasting money on the shower or people wasting money on the gifts. We also are not making a wedding registry for the same reason. But that being said I am not asking for money for a honeymoon fund either. I just want everyone to come to our wedding empty handed and ready to party lol If someone does bring a gift or gives us money I of course would thank them for it. But it's really not necessary to me.

I'm not crazy about Honeyfund, but I get it; people want cash for their honeymoon. Maybe people feel better about cash for a specific reason or activity -- travel, dinner, skydiving, whatever. It looks like you've given the gift a little thought rather than just writing a check. But a honeymoon shower? This appears to be a money grab; it's tacky. What's going to happen? The bride will open the envelopes and the guests will coo over the size of the checks? If the bride doesn't need household stuff and still wants a shower, maybe a lingerie shower or some sort of entertainment shower (concert tickets, movie passes, sporting events), provided of course any of these things ever happen again, might be an option.

I find cash showers gross and rude. I would be very uncomfortable at a honeymoon fund shower.

View Quoted Comment A shower is one of the optional pre wedding parties, specifically to get a second household supporting or starting gift from your closest friends, in addition to the wedding gift they are going to give. No need, no shower. ... But the two other usual options are that friends give a luncheon or tea ( light supper, little sandwiches, deserts and beverages, not tea.), and it is all social, have a good time, maybe play games, any party stuff. A social, not a shower, means no gifts. Or you can do a token gift type shower. Where every gift is either sentimental, or something you use up, not long lasting household things. Or may be one gift, but from 5-10 dollar contributions, added up. So everyone brings a favorite recipe, or favorite picture taken with the bride or of the bride. I love to cook and entertain, so old hometown neighbors set a $5 or something you produce, shower. From Quarts of honey to Spices, a few pounds of cashews from 3 people, pounds of hazelnuts from someone who grows them, frozen filo. We are in a rural area, so a cord or two of firewood for romantic fires is a big group gift, but a set of tickets, theatre or an event, are common from big groups giving a token gift, to those who have everything they need for a household. Rather than each of 20-30 people spending $50-$125 for people who admittedly have all the household stuff they need, from people who are already giving them a larger wedding present. ... No shower does not mean you cannot be social, and have a party.

Sounds gift-grabby to me and quite frankly kind of rude. A honeymoon shower?

Thanks everyone for the replies! It is interesting to hear the varied takes on this.

I don't mind honeymoon funds, I just think the shower is strange. It seems to be based on the idea "you were going to spend money on me anyway, so just give me the cash", which seems off. But regular showers are still a thing, and that comes with the presumption of spending money. It *feels* different, but I don't really know why. I wouldn't think twice about being invited to an event where I was asked to give stuff, even if it was upgrades or non-traditional registry stuff like camping gear (which we have a registry for). But being asked to give *money* seems odd, even though I can't figure out why.

So my husband and I lived together for several years before we got married. We discussed the idea of doing a registry, but we didn’t need anything, so we looked into a honeymoon registry which was what we ultimately did. When I had my bridal shower I didn’t call it a “honeymoon” shower. I didn’t expect anyone to give gifts - it wasn’t a requirement. The way honeyfund set up the registry was very cute, where guests could contribute toward or pay for excursions during your honeymoon, such as a spa day or your flight. The shower itself (thrown by my sister) was a beautiful day which was not about gifts, but spending time with the women I don’t get to see often and enjoying just being a bride. As far as gifts go, a lot of guests still gave gifts to mark the day I’m addition to the honeyfund gift.
I think calling it a honeymoon shower is kind of pretentious. The reason we did the honeyfund registry was because we did not want to ask people for gifts that we were not going to use or didn’t need. Gifting us the memory of a honeymoon was another option, and it turned out great!