Controlling Mom

Just try to remember it's because she loves you!...but yes my mom has some of these tendencies too-mostly because her and my dad eloped and she always wanted a big wedding

That sucks, I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this.

But no, no issues here. My mom respects me as an adult who is responsible enough to pay for her own wedding, thereby avoiding such conversations, as she understands that since she isn't paying, while her opinions are welcome, her changes to my wedding/dress/dances are not.

We are paying for our own wedding as well, and she had a wedding when her and my dad got married. It's like she can't help herself from trying to control everything about my wedding.

All you can do is politely remind her that this is your wedding and that while you appreciate her input, these are your decisions to make. When in doubt, stop talking wedding details with/around her and change the subject if she brings it up.

@Nikki I don't think it helps that I'm the only daughter. So this is the only time she gets to be on this side of the wedding planning process. Which I understand so I want her to be involved but just not that involved lol Only opinions when asked lol

My FMIL keeps trying to tell me how I need to do things. It is irritating beyond belief.

My mother has been that way my entire life, so I expected wedding planning to be no different. She's not as bad as some, but it's still gotten us into arguments.

When we were looking at venues, the last one we looked at ended up being her favorite, and both FH and I's least favorite. It was the cheapest, the coordinator was nice, and it really was a beautiful venue. But it just wasn't "us". I couldn't see us getting married there. And there were a couple policy things that made it a hard pass for me. But she would not stop bringing it up when I was talking about other venues. So that caused a fight.

Then when we went dress shopping, she picked out a dress for me to try on, that was like $700 over budget (but she was paying so whatever I guess?) and I actually did end up liking it. But not as much as a few others that were actually in the budget. And the entire time I was loving the dress is was in, she kept showing me pictures of the one she liked, and when I told her that that dress was out of the running, she huffed and walked off mumbling about how "she guesses her opinion doesn't matter".

And I'm sure more of those things will happen. But she's my mom and I love her. I just spend time with her in small doses.

Same boat :-( my mom is trying to have her dream wedding through me, despite the fact that everything she's trying to get is opposite what FH and I want

You are not alone. My mom came with me tonight to pick up my dress and she tried making an appointment... for me... to come back and have sleeves added to the dress. I showed her the shoes I'm wearing and she does not like them. Our venue supplies decor and she's going off and buying decorations without even telling me first.

I have to remind myself that it's because she cares. But it's hard not to get frustrated when we are both not on the same page.... or the same book it seems.

Mine is the same way. She gets really upset if I don't like something she picked out.

My mother is awful! The only reason she's not trying to control everything is because I tell her nothing about the wedding. She's not paying for anything, has terrible ideas, and if so used anything she came up with I'd never hear the end of it. She's on a need to know basis and most of my responses to her are a simple "You'll find out in October". Hold your ground and set your boundaries! You can make it!

ETA: spelling

My FMIL is like that as well. She wants to be apart of all of the things in the wedding. She told me to count her in for hair and makeup too. When I told her that unfortunately it's not in the budget she was not happy at all. She suggested I cut other things from the wedding so she could get her hair and makeup done. She is also insisting we invite some of her friends who have not been very nice to us at all. It's getting to be a lot and I don't know how much more I can handle of her.

My mom hasn't been quite that bad but she isn't being a dream. I had a year and a half engagement and within a month of me getting engaged she thought it was ridiculous that I hadn't gotten everything booked (mind you, I could only book my venue 1 year in advance and you can't do much before that). She also hates orange which is my main color so she's been trying to tell me to use any other color under the sun in decor and outfits regardless of if it matches or not. She also wants one of my high school friends to sing at our wedding but I'm not a huge fan of singers, I prefer instrumental stuff for the ceremony and I wasn't even planning on inviting him to the wedding, or a lot of the other mutual guy friends we had, just my close group that I still talk to and see regularly. I've been pretty much just planning on my own and not telling her many details

I would avoid wedding talk and choose not to bring her along to alteration and vendor appointments.

Father-daughter dances and fathers walking daughters down the aisle are traditions rooted in sexism. It is completely understandable that she would feel jealous or hurt that your dad is such a major part of your wedding and she isn't. I'm not saying you should change your plan, but her feelings on that particular subject are valid.

@holly I guess I can see why she would feel bad but I personally don't want 2 people walking me down the aisle and I traditionally like the father daughter dance for me. She will be walking down the aisle with my brother and light the candle for the unity candle part of the ceremony, and I also told the pastor that when he asks who gives this bride to this groom my dad is going to say her mother and I.