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Just Said Yes December 2019

controlling fmil

Vanessa, on August 14, 2019 at 5:00 PM Posted in Planning 0 4

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I need advice. My FMIL and I are pretty close and we get along good. Except that she is WAY too controlling and tries to make decisions for our wedding and it frustrates me. I tried telling my fiance, and he says he will talk to her but he tries to please her too much so I know he won't talk to her. She is only paying for the band, we are paying for everything else but she keeps trying to force me to involve her in literally every part of the planning. She kept pressuring me to take her wedding dress shopping with me and she got upset when I didn't and said I was "petty" for posting on social media that I was happy and excited that I got my dress. I want to plan my own wedding without having to worry about other people's opinions and without having to feel like I need to involve her in everything. What do I do? Or how do I kindly tell her to back off?

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Sinéad, on August 15, 2019 at 7:47 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 14, 2019 at 5:04 PM
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You can also opt not to disclose many details to her also when she asks.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on August 14, 2019 at 5:14 PM
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“You’ll have to wait and see at the wedding”. Side note- if your FH has no plans to stand up for you to his mother because he tries to please her too much, think about how that will affect your future together. That could become a big problem in your marriage if it continues.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 15, 2019 at 1:52 AM
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I agree with Sarah. FH needs to establish clear boundaries with his mom now. Unfortunately, the issue won't just disappear after you marry. Tackle the issue now!
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WeddingWire Administrator January 2025
Sinéad · on August 15, 2019 at 7:47 AM
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Welcome to the WeddingWire community Vanessa! I’m really sorry that you are going through this with your FMIL. It’s not an easy situation to navigate through, especially if you have a close relationship.
The most important thing that you can do is stand your ground about the decisions that you want to make and try not to give into pressure coming from her to change your mind. I know she must want to feel like she is a part of your wedding, so perhaps you could start informing her of decisions that you have already made and set into motion so that she knows there is no way to change them.
Have you discussed the comment that she made about you going dress shopping? It may have been said in the heat of the moment but it was a hurtful thing to say and I don’t think it should be glossed over. I feel like you should address it with her, let her know how hurtful it was and that it was entirely your decision on how to celebrate choosing your wedding gown.
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