Samantha
Dedicated October 2022

Control Freak

Samantha, on June 12, 2021 at 1:56 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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Okay so I'm not actually a control freak or at least I hope not. I've just been dreaming and planning my wedding since I was like 7. Normally I believe you're made of honor and your bridesmaids help you out with some of that planning stuff. I know at least my sister and another friend would love to help with that.

My concern is that I don't know if I necessarily want their help. I don't know if I'm being too controlling or if I just want to say in too much and should let go and allow them to help me, or if maybe I'm just so passionate about this and it's okay for me to do it mostly on my own. Since some of you have already gone through this situations like it I'm sure, can you guys give me some advice?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Courtney, on June 14, 2021 at 2:35 PM
  • Samantha
    Dedicated October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    *your Maid of honor
    Can't resist fixing a spelling mistake lol
    • Reply
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
    • Flag

    I don't understand the maid of honor/bridesmaids helping plan things? what would they possible help with besides maybe stuffing envelops and helping create favors?

    My only bridesmaid is out of state, I really don't need her help with anything except asking her the occasional opinion. I'm doing everything myself and I don't see a problem with it, if you need help def ask for it though - if not, its fine to do things on your own.

    My understanding is that bridesmaids plan the shower and bachelorette party - shouldn't plan those yourself, but nothing for the wedding itself.

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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    It’s actually not usual for your bridal party to help with actual wedding planning so unless you specifically ask for their help or opinions or shouldn’t be an issue.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    The bridesmaids don’t plan any of the wedding. Your fiancé is supposed to help you or there won’t be be a wedding because you aren’t marrying yourself.

    Bridesmaids traditionally plan the shower and bachelorette party but those are both optional.

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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    My bridesmaids haven't done anything to help unless I ask them for tips/suggestions/help. For example, two of them are very crafty, so I asked them to do some decor for me, but I am paying them for the materials used. My MOH is designing my invitations as well because she's a graphic designer. But that's as far as it goes! They don't need to help at all. They're mostly there as a support and to show love.

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  • L
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I don’t mean to sound negative but from personal experience: Depending on what is happening in their own life (school, baby, work, moving/housing), I would not plan/expect them to do anything other than buy dress/rehearsal dinner/wedding day.
    Bachelorette party and bridal shower are planned by those who offer. This is not something delegated.
    Fiancé helps plan yours and his wedding. I personally think the grooms get off the hook way too easily and a lot of the bridal frustration should be directed at the lack of communication/ help from the fiancé. Check with him/her first before asking for help from someone else. The best advice ever to be received in this board is that no one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you!
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  • Samantha
    Dedicated October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    And so it seems by and large I have misunderstood the roles of others during wedding planning. And I couldn't be more happy or thankful that it is so. Thank you for your advice everyone.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Honestly mine didn't help but they definitely offered to. i didn't have them help because i didn't really need any

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  • Gabby
    Devoted October 2021
    Gabby ·
    • Flag
    My people basically have just been a listening ear through my excitement and ideas. If there's things to do day of they will probably help if needed but that's what I have a coordinator for.
    • Reply
  • Ashlee
    Expert September 2022
    Ashlee ·
    • Flag

    My bridal party just asks about what plans I have mae, and offers feedback/excitement, but they don't help with anything (except a few did offer to help DIY centerpieces if I wanted to go that route)

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  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    Your wedding party can be there for you as kind of a soundboard sometimes, but it's not a requirement for them. What I mean by that is when you get together and if wedding talk comes up you go 'oh I'm thinking of doing XYZ' sometimes that conversation evolves into trading ideas about what you could do. However it's not really helping plan things.

    Touring the venues, picking food/cake, timelines and decor is all up to you and your SO.

    Just make sure to talk to your friends/wedding party about regular life stuff too, don't let it all devolve into wedding planning.

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