Continuous Issues with Wedding Planning

Did your SIL agree to officiate? If she has confirmed everything but just hasn't bought her tickets, I don't see an issue. Some people wait to book travel. Unless she's notoriously flakey, she's an adult who said she'll be somewhere so trust she will be. If she is flakey, definitely book an officiant now.

Also, is she an officiant in Indiana or only California?

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These are great questions. You will definitely want to make sure your SIL is legally able to marry you in the state of Indiana. Indiana actually has some of the strictest rules about who is able to legally perform a marriage ceremony. I will paste below the Indiana Code re: marriages

IC 31-11-6-1 Persons authorized to solemnize marriages

Sec. 1. (a) Marriages may be solemnized by any of the following:

(1) A member of the clergy of a religious organization (even if the cleric does not perform religious functions for an individual congregation), such as a minister of the gospel, a priest, a bishop, an archbishop, or a rabbi.

(2) A judge.

(3) A mayor, within the mayor's county.

(4) A clerk or a clerk-treasurer of a city or town, within a county in which the city or town is located.

(5) A clerk of the circuit court.

(6) The governor.

(7) The lieutenant governor.

(8) A member of the general assembly.

(9) The Friends Church, in accordance with the rules of the Friends Church.

(10) The German Baptists, in accordance with the rules of their society.

(11) The Bahai faith, in accordance with the rules of the Bahai faith.

(12) The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in accordance with the rules of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

(13) An imam of a masjid (mosque), in accordance with the rules of the religion of Islam.

(b) The governor, the lieutenant governor, or a member of the general assembly may not accept any money for solemnizing a marriage.

If your SIL does not fall under one of those categories, she will not likely be able to legally marry you.

You want to be done early, but that's not possible with real people and a large event. You're giving yourself undue stress. Because yours is a destination wedding for many, you will have to be more patient and understanding. Although your Save the Dates went out earlier, some ppl wait longer to book tickets and that could be due to work PTO or finances. Families with children will need more time. Your invitations should go out 8-10 wks out for destination, with an RSVP deadline of 1 week before (depending on caterer). Again, you must be patient.

Why do you need to cancel because of a busy venue coordinator? It's June, they are busy with other weddings. Unless you haven't finalized a contract, there should not be emergency questions nor a need for a venue change.

It is disappointing your WP members have canceled, but try to be empathetic to their reasons. WP alternates and substitutes are offensive as no one likes to be 2nd choice. Matching sides are outdated so let it go. Any attire not for the wedding day is extra. Trust your Officiant if she tells you she's coming, but check to make sure she's a legal authority in IN.

I think you should rely on your partner to get perspective. Your wedding date is 2.5- 3 months out so not close at all. Relax and breathe. If you had emergencies the week of, then that would be more panic-inducing but by then, you just have to say No to what you cannot control.

My SIL did agree she would officiate and soon after I asked her she was able to get ordinated and registered in the state of Indiana online through the American Marriage Ministries and has a certificate saying she is ordinated and is able to preform all duties within in the tenets of the church. She is not one to normally fall through in plans but has cancelled plans with me in the past but nothing as big of an event as this.

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Great, then believe her when she tells you they are working on making arrangements.

View Quoted Comment Call the marriage license office just to clarify if the online ordinance is legal in your area. The online ordination companies say they are legal in 50 states but that is not always true when the government offices that issue the licenses are consulted.

According to the website where she got ordained she’s considered part of the ministries that can officiant a marriage in Indiana.

View Quoted Comment It may be overkill, but I would definitely still call your local courthouse to verify. I’ve heard too many horror stories about people who were ordained online by organizations that swore they were legal in a state, just to find out it was false. So much better to be safe than sorry! Take it from me- my FH and I are a cautionary tale about Officiants! Ours didn’t make it to our destination wedding ceremony last minute, and we had to fly home still unmarried!!

I also wanted to add, I completely understand why you are so nervous about SIL not making travel arrangements yet. She is a very important (and necessary) part of you getting married! TBH, I would probably have a local friend or family member get ordained, just in case. I would make it somebody you know 100% sure will be attending your wedding (parent, grandparent, sibling, best friend, etc.). I think it would be wise to have somebody ready to step in just in case SIL doesn’t end up making it. Plus, knowing you have a back up plan will put your mind at ease. As far as your other guests not making travel arrangements… you could send out a group text to everyone just letting them know that the date is approaching quickly, and if they plan to attend the wedding they may want to book accommodations now, as hotels and Airbnb’s fill up quickly. We did something similar for our destination wedding. People who I knew had planned to attend hadn’t made hotel reservations yet, and the cutoff for the discount for our room block was fast approaching. So he sent out a mass text just to let everyone know the cut off date was approaching, and so many people responded that they had lost track of time, etc. and thanked us for reminding them! Nearly everyone booked their travel/lodging accommodations within a week of our text message.

View Quoted Comment I have asked my cousin’s wife if she wouldn’t mind stepping in if my SIL isn’t able to make it. They live her in IN so she would be local and they have already said they we’re definitely coming to the wedding. The whole reason we wanted my SIL to do because neither FH or me are religious but more spiritual and my SIL is a pagan so she would more a line with our spiritual views than a religious officiant in our opinion. She did something close to a unofficial vowel renewal for my parents a couple years ago and we loved how she did it and from then on I wanted her to do our wedding. My cousin’s wife has a very similar personality and view to my SIL so we asked her if she would be our back up and she agreed. I more or less want to know what’s going with my SIL so if I need my cousin's wife to do she has enough time to prepare to be our officiant.

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I wouldn't wait to get confirmation from your SIL. Just have your cousin's wife prepare everything now. That will give her ample time for preparation and will ensure she's ready to go just in case something unexpected happens last minute (ie, what if SIL gets sick, flight gets canceled, an emergency pops up, etc.).

Honestly I think you should hire an officiant, and not take chances on friends and family members.

Hire an officiant and do not replace wedding party members.

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Also this. I missed that part. Don't replace people, it could make both the replaced person and the replacement feel bad.

We really wanted someone we know and that knows us officiate our wedding and that’s something we don’t want to settle for. We already “replaced” our dropped our wedding party members but everyone that that is now in our wedding party was already in the wedding somehow we just moved people around. We each and someone we knew had the possibility of not being able to come to the wedding so we planned for but I wasn’t expecting my extra bridesmaids and this groomsman. He was not the one we thought we would have to someone to step in for. Our extra people were going to walk with our daughter who is our flower girl, But we just moved them up to bridesmaid and groomsman.

I get what you want for an officiant, but leaving it up to non-pro friends or family is a big risk. Hiring someone might be less "settling" and more "planning wisely".

Moving people around still runs the runs of making them feel some type of way about it. There's no reason really to shift people around. Sides don't have to be even, and fitting people into slots to be filled feels less like an honour. I know it's done now, but maybe just be aware that people could have some issues on this. Of course I don't know your closest friends and family so it's just a word of caution.