I'm feeling confused and conflicted and wonder if anyone has advice- I know what lots of articles and sources say about plus one etiquette for BP members but i think my situation is a little different..
Me and FH want a super small, intimate wedding, only immediate family and very close friends- about 30 total. Two of my bridesmaids are married so I assume they would be attending with their spouses. My third bridesmaid is single and I was planning to give her a plus one initially because she had been dating someone for a while. However they recently broke up, and I didn't give it more thought until she asked me the other day if I had invited another mutual friend of ours.
Just a quick backstory- me and this mutual friend are not close at all. we were friends many years ago but she behaved quite maliciously on one occasion and I have kept my distance since. We do not really communicate aside from through my bridesmaid although we are cordial. When she asked whether I was inviting this friend, I let her know that it was not in our budget to include more people and left it at that.
Now I am wondering if I should give her a plus one? The main thing is I want her to feel comfortable at the wedding, and our wedding is also destination for everyone including ourselves. I know she would also be investing time and money to travel (from Toronto Canada to San Diego) and obviously doing a lot for the wedding as a bridesmaid, although I plan to help my BP financially as well with dress, some of the travel costs etc.
I am so conflicted because I just know I will not feel comfortable if she ends up bringing this mutual friend as her plus one because of our history, and the fact that our wedding is so small (I don't think I would care as much if it were 100 people plus for example). I actually wouldn't even care much if she brought a random other friend i don't know or another date, it is just the history that makes me uncomfortable especially at such an intimate wedding.
Any thoughts of how to approach this situation? If I don't end up giving her a plus one, is there anything I can do to make her feel more comfortable? I was thinking of seating her next to me during reception so that way she would have me to talk to and not just the other couples in our BP, but I know that obviously I may be pulled away during the wedding day too and I don't want her to feel bad or left out if she is not there with someone.
Please help!!!! I appreciate any advice or thoughts.