Concerns about excluding certain family ..

And cousins or invite who we want based on who we want to share it with? I am not close with one uncle or his two sons at all, and would prefer not to be in their presence (they have said hurtful things in the past and tend to drink too much and mouth off), but I am very close to my aunt and her family (my uncle's sister – both on my mother's side). Is it rude to invite one family but not the other? If I invited said uncle's daughter, my cousin who I am close to, would it be rude not to invite him? They do not live in the same house. I'd love some feedback. My concern is that this will turn into a “snowballing” event – if this person is invited, then you MUST invite this person, and this person, and this person .. we want this to be about us, family and friends we enjoy, and potentially celebrate later with everyone else (though doubtful – I'm pretty sure I'll be happy, married and ready to move on from wedding/party planning). Thoughts?

I think you have chosen to do what is better for you and that is great! We had thought about doing a small 20-30 person afternoon wedding, and I ultimately swung the other way because there was some family I genuinely wanted there but couldn't invite without it adding 15 people - and therefore giving my fiancé 15 too, because we've tried to keep it really even. I think if anyone complains, you tell them this is what is best for you and your fiancé. When I told my extended family that I was having a slightly larger wedding, they were happy to hear they were going to be invited, but my aunt actually talked to my mom and made sure that I wasn't switching the venue just because I wanted to invite them - she wanted to ensure it was actually what I wanted.

If I had done the small wedding, I would have invited two cousins and their husband and wife, but I wouldn't have invited their parents - not that we aren't close, but it would have added the 15 people to the guest list. And they got that. Family should understand, hopefully!

I think it's great you're doing what works best for you.

However, with this comes potential drama. Not knowing all the family dynamics, maybe talk to your parents and see what they say. For me, they have a much better grasp of how someone will respond. And, unless they see pictures, there's no reason your extended family would know that only FH's family was invited. The other choice is to do your original list without any extended family and use that as your reason to keep it small.

Well, actually, it'd be almost even. On my side, it would only be my mother and her soon to be husband. On his side it is my FH's mother and spouse, father, his two sisters and one brother, his grandmother, aunt and uncle and their two boys - so 11 to my 2. Add my eight family members and we each have 10-12 people on each side. Plus two mutual friends. So I think my concern is more than some aunts and uncles are invited, but others aren't, and how that might play out (for either side). :/

Another thing is I may be stressing for nothing - our parents, siblings and two close mutual friends are perfectly fine with our Tuesday wedding, but many others work and will be unable to make it (which is both sad and .. not so sad), so I may be worried for nothing and most couldn't come anyway. We can use our anniversary as an excuse to keep it small, too.

We wanted a small and intimate wedding. We drew a line in the sand with our guest list and stuck to our guns. I had one cousin get upset, but I hadn't even seen him in 14 years. I ended up blocking him on Facebook, so the drama was short-lived. Everyone else was supportive of what we wanted for our wedding day. Invite who you are close to, and forget the trouble-makers.

Only you and your FH can really answer this question I think. If people are upset and cut off talking to you, would you be upset? Do you think that there's a high chance for crazy drama of people getting mad at you for inviting person #1 but not person #2? I would keep it to just the people you want as long as you are okay with possible drama that could happen. But I'm sure the drama from that will be less stressful than trying to figure out plans for 100 people. Have the wedding you two want!

We have a medium sized guest list of about 160 (80 each) and I'm still getting pressured to invite people I haven't talked to for years! It doesn't matter how many invites you give; the drama is inevitable! At least you will have the guise of this being an intimate wedding! For me, I've had family literally yell in my face to invite their sister and brother and their kids, etc! It's insane! Do what's best for you and stick to your guns! Be strong!

Only you know your family. I was wanting to do the exact same thing. However, my mom who is very practical, told me that she didn't think it would be fair to the other family members. I do think that feelings can get hurt when you start picking and choosing which extended family members make the cut. If it is truly an intimate wedding that cuts off at immediate family then that is one thing. But, again it is up to you and what you feel comfortable with given how close you are and want to be to your extended family. In the end I found a way to have a larger wedding than was more inclusive and stay within our budget. I have had family members that I had originally not included in my intimate wedding list step up and offer a lot of support during my wedding planning process.