Common misconceptions

We were very lucky with our planning and didn't have anyone who was difficult at all, but apparently a lot of people aren't aware that only those named on the invite are invited! I've heard loads of horror stories about how people rsvp'ed with them, their 7 children, their cousin, etc when only a couple was named on the invitation!

The only thing I noticed on ours was when we asked for allergies and dietary restrictions, loads of people put down things they just don't like - and we know this because they're family and we're well aware they're not allergic to cucumber or whatever - they just don't fancy it. I wish people wouldn't do this, since it makes life so much harder for people with actual dietary restrictions and allergies! Like just eat around it, or swap your plate with the person next to you (if the venue is doing alternate plate, which is extremely common here in Australia).

There was nothing we came across which we previously held misconceptions about but boy did I wish people stopped making them about us. I was born into a Jewish family but am a blatant atheist and make no secret of it (my now husband is also an atheist) and we constantly got asked if we were getting married in a synagogue or before a rabbi.

I wish people knew that things are optional. The father of the bride doesn't have to walk her down the aisle, the garter toss is not necessary, and a white dress is optional. I'm not doing any of these and people act shocked.

Outdated gender roles. Partners have equal say in co-planning. From my personal experience and as seen on WW forums, many grooms are very opinionated and argue for the big wedding. Others excuse themselves from responsibility as a wedding is seen as a "bride-thing". I also think it perpetuates that terrible bridezilla concept. My man still likes to pretend I made all the fancy choices, but I think fine taste has no gender.

I don't think it's a misconception per se, but I wish people knew that you don't have to invite everyone you've ever interacted with or feel the need to invite people you're not close to solely because they invited you to theirs years ago. My FH and his family have so many people they are inviting for these reasons.

I wish more people understood that there's no "right" way to handle COVID messing up original wedding plans. We decided to postpone our wedding, and I had plenty of people tell me we should have just had a small backyard ceremony, micro wedding, courthouse wedding, etc. And of course those opinions all came from people who were already married and got to have the full wedding experience.

That you have to rsvp because we’re not mind readers. Almost none of my husbands side rsvp’d and we had to hunt them down.
Also you can’t just add a guest. Again husbands side. His parents friends just decided to bring their adult son without letting us, the paying couple, know. Apparently they asked my MIL (who didn’t pay) and she said ok but didn’t think to tell/ask us. Good thing we had a guest no show up so we still had the correct number of food/seats. It still irritates me 3 years later.

People just assuming we’re getting married by a religious figure?? And that it will be a man. I had a couple people at my job make the assumption and my fiancé and I (who lost know at my job) are blatantly not religious people. Our officiant is a woman and our ceremony is not going to have even an ounce of religion involved because we’re atheists lol. Much to his grandmother’s disappointment. All of her grandchildren will be getting married within a year and few months of each other. We’ll be the last and none of us are religious. She even stated at the first wedding behind her granddaughters back that she doesn’t believe a marriage is official unless done by a priest. So that’s fun 😅

View Quoted Comment I've experienced this too!! We postponed from 2020 to 2022, and there were a number of people who said we should do a small ceremony in 2020 and a larger reception in 2022, which we didn't want to do. Even if we had gone that route, those same people would likely now be asking why we would even bother to do a reception two years after the wedding. Weddings have a funny way of bringing out everyone's opinions.

View Quoted Comment I feel this one. My FH and I were also raised Jewish but are now atheist/agnostic. His family especially are pretty observant and all their other weddings followed the traditions. Most frequently, people ask us questions about the ketubah (not having one) and if he's going to stomp on the glass (no). Some family members are definitely in for a surprise if they think this wedding will be like all the others.


I post on here a lot about the few things we're doing, like kosher catering and having the event on a Sunday. Some WW users probably think I want or believe in that stuff because I post about it so often. I wish we didn't have to, but there are a bunch of guests who are Orthodox -- we love them and we want them there, but we need to provide those things or they won't attend.

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I hear you loud and clear! It's tricky because you want your wedding to be your dream day but good hospitality means catering to the majority of guests so I can completely understand your decision making.

We were originally meant to get married on a Saturday but because our wedding was postponed by one year it ended up being a Sunday and because of that we had even more questions exactly like those you've been asked, so frustrating!

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Ugh, yes, I'd forgotten about this! Our original celebrant (before she double booked us) kept telling my fiance not to worry, that all he had to do was show up. It really annoyed me, since we handled all of the planning together, he made plenty of decisions about the various elements we booked, and those were some of the reasons I was marrying him - because he didn't just shrug and say 'that's the woman's job'. Like, no. Stop encouraging men not to be involved! It's their wedding too!

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YES! This is also so true! Especially from people who got to have exactly what they had on their weddings! Also people saying you have 'the rest of your lives' to have a big romantic European (or whatever) honeymoon. Which is patently false! We're in our late 30s and kind of need to get cracking if we want a family, especially with multiple children - spending money on a big expensive luxurious honeymoon would be insanely irresponsible with a young family, and as if you'd even enjoy it, with babies or small children at home, assuming you could even find someone to take care of your kids for the month or whatever you'd be away. Once kids are in the picture, your priorities change, your responsibilities change, and financially, you really can't justify bailing on your kids to go to Europe unless you're a lot wealthier than we are.

You could take them with you, of course - but that's clearly NOTHING LIKE the romantic, carefree, honeymoon trip you'd imagined your whole life. You have a short window for a honeymoon if you're our age, and we've missed it.

I will add, we had a beautiful honeymoon in another state and spending so much one-on-one time with my new husband was really special and lovely, but it was nothing like the Amalfi Coast, Santorini type honeymoon we'd have planned without covid, and I'm realistic enough to know we likely won't ever get that, if we have kids.

Maybe when they move out?

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Girl YES. My husband and I did the opposite (smaller backyard ceremony/reception and we'll do the big party later). We explained this to EVERYONE. And everyone seemed to understand... until I would talk about the "bigger wedding". Then comments like "Why would you make people sit through that twice?" or "That's a waste of time/money" or "Why don't you just have the big one?". SO so so frustrating.

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We ran in to a similar situation (husband's side). We had an RSVP date. His aunt & uncle didn't respond. A few days after the date, his mom texts us casually and says "Oh by the way... Aunt & Uncle are coming." Since we had a smaller engagement (5 months), planning happened FAST. I had already put in an order for all the table/chair rentals. Had to change that because of this late RSVP. Fast-forward to the week before the wedding, my MIL casually texts us AGAIN and says "Oh by the way, they aren't coming after all." No explanation. Never actually had contact with said aunt and uncle either. The same MIL was also in charge of a set of grandparents. She told us they weren't coming... then 3 DAYS before the wedding said "Oh, they were confused and are coming and here is their dinner selection." Like... MA'AM. We have ALL been a part of a wedding and know that this isn't ok? Blows my mind.

My fiance's family was dissappointed we weren't having a wedding party! I'm like we are in our 40's - everyone is grateful we're not doing one. If anyone is really judging your wedding day, they shouldn't be coming to your wedding (unfortunately we can't un-invite family!)

View Quoted Comment I wish I knew beforehand that I signed up to be in a musical! Did you know there is a song for EVERYTHING? When you walk down the aisle, when you walk out, dances with parents, when you enter your reception, when your bridal party enters the reception, when you do your first dance, cocktail hour music, cake cutting music, dinner music, dancing music, and a final song to close the dance floor and end the night. My wedding is going to be like a Disney movie at this point.