College, kids, wedding, engagement

I would really, really not have a baby before you finish school. Most people I know who have had kids during school never ended up finishing school. You can think you have it all planned out, but parenthood is full of surprises and you don’t know what is going to happen. It isn’t fair to you, or to your future children, to try to raise them while finishing your degree.

You said you aren’t having your wedding for another few years, which makes sense. Whatever reasons you have for putting off your wedding, wouldn’t those same reasons apply to having a baby?

Youre only 20, what’s the rush?? You have so much time!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your input! The wedding is 3 years away due to personal reasons but I understand what you’re saying.

I would wait until you finish school and start/get settled into your career. Babies are cute, but they grow up and take a lot of work. Also, you are so young. A lot could change for both you and your fiance. And I agree with Gen, chances are you won't be finishing school or will make it ten times harder for yourself and your family.

100% finish school before you have kids. I’m a mama of a two year old and I had to skip a year of school in order for me to succeed. I’m back now furthering my career and let me tell you, it is far from easy. And another note, being financially ready is the best bet as well.

I would wait. You bringing in money now will not help much more after a baby is born. So you will either have to pay for preschool while you work or count on your hubby money to pay for everything. If you have a baby now you will have to drop out or take time off. For a baby for childcare it will be about 200 or more a week.

I agree with pp & this might sound harsh, but when you are 20 many things you now think are permanent, are just passing thoughts. The brain is not even fully developed until age of 25, especially center for critical thinking, judgement & self image. So you don’t even know who you will be when you’re a fully developed person. I would not make such important & lifelong decisions like having a child, at the age of 20, and especially not before you finish school, start your career & get married. There is no reason to rush into it. Parenthood at such young age has so many challenges & you need to figure out who you are as a person first, in order to be a great & a happy mother & a wife.

How does your FH feels about it? I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old, and planning a somewhat small wedding now. When we were engaged I got pregnant with my first but I did not want to deal with any wedding planning during pregnancy we were also in the process of buying a home, I didn't want to be overwhelmed. And I am so glad I waited. Now, I loveddd my job (PM) before my babies were here, and pretty much thought I would go back to work right away but I couldn't. I simply couldn't leave my tiny baby with someone else (that is amazing family members!) So things do change after you have a child, more than you can imagine, more for good though. Kids are the best thing ever, but it is not rainbows and butterflies all the time. Honestly, there's no right answer to this. Im 33 and I would totally be fine having children in my 20's. Sorry for the lengthy reply lol but here is my final answer (based in my experience), if you have amazing support (his family, your family, and him) that you can count on to be there, go for it because no matter how old you are, it takes a tribe to raise tiny humans. Hope I could help little bit!

I would take the time to focus on school. Children are expensive and pregnancy is tiring. I've seen similar to Gen, in that everyone I know who had a child ended up taking a break from school and not returning. I understand the baby fever (I'm 29 so my biological clock is ticking full-force) but I know right now is not the best time for FH and myself. If anything, why don't you put extra effort into finishing school in less than 3 years? Take summer classes, add extra courses in the fall/spring, etc. The sooner you get out and presumably get a higher paying job, the easier it will be for you two to get a bigger place if necessary and afford all the baby things. Honestly, the tinier the kid, the more stuff they need. A one bedroom apartment (and arguably a 2-bedroom) is usually pretty cramped once a child comes along. Raising a child is tough enough as is, why add that to the stress of exams and papers, work, and wedding planning? Grind it out now so you can spend more time with your baby when it is here.

I too understand this desire. I want to be a mom so bad, and I work on a mother/baby unit at a hospital so it is constantly shoved in my face lol. However, I think it is important to wait for several reasons, the primary one being to be prepared for you and your child to have the best life possible. I know if I wait until I am graduated I will make better money (even if FH makes good money now) and be able to give my child all necessities for health and happiness. In addition, being in school takes a ton of focus. I’m in nursing school now and it is brutal. I couldn’t imagine raising a child during it, and if I was either my schooling or child would suffer. If you wait until graduating you will also have much more time to devote to your child. Ultimately it is your decision and you will have to decide what is best for you, but you’re young and have plenty of time for children so I would say think it over carefully. Maybe start school and see how the first semester goes to gauge how difficult it may be. Best of luck to you and congratulations o your engagement!

In my opinion you should probably wait, I honestly couldn’t imagine getting through school while pregnant and taking care of a baby while trying to get work done. I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 5 years now, engaged two months and I have had the absolute worst baby fever! Lol I know we could do it right now too but should we? Probably not! I have a few more months left before I finish school and I always told myself I’d at least wait until I graduate. Once I graduate we’ll have exactly a year until the wedding which I know will be crazy planning and a bunch of vendor payments so it’s just not good timing. It may be hard to wait but it will be worth it in the end!

Most people on here are going to tell you to wait until your done with school to start a family. I am 20 and I totally understand exactly what you are feeling! I have always wanted to be a mom, not to mention I have uterine issues that run in the family, so having kids young has always been something on my fh and my mind. And honestly it dosnt help that everyone around me is getting pregnant!! my soon to be sister in law is 22 weeeks pregnant, 2 of my co-woerkers just had a baby, 4 of my old high school friends are pregnant.....its hard, dosnt help my baby fever at all and neither dose pintrest!! But when I think about it, my fh is in nursing school graduating at the end of the summer, then he has to talke his boards, and I still have to go to school. I plan on going to school for finance in the fall/winter and that is a 2 year program. There is so much going on, that its not quite time yet. My biggest suggestion to you is to either get a pet like a dog (or cat). It might ease that feeling of wanting a kiddo just a pit because you will be so focused on being a dog mom. Also maybe pick up a date night babysitting job, that will deffinately give you your "babyfill".

I agree that you should wait. If you don't already have any children then you shouldn't make school any harder on yourself. Especially because you are only 20 so its not like you're an age where you need to get started ASAP. School while mothering is HARD. And I say this from personal experience.

I work full time as a law enforcement officer and I have a 4 year old son. I am currently planning our wedding - coming up fast in July. I also have been going to law school part time for the past two years. It has been a lot of hard work, long nights, and relying on a lot of help from FH. While I think that my son seeing the things that I can accomplish once I graduate will be good for him - that his mommy didn't give up and has done this to give him the best life possible - It is not easy. If you have the option, WAIT. I have a successful career - I just made a choice that I want a second one. I went to undergrad before I had a child. I started my career before I had a child. I thought I was never going back to school until after I had my son. I wasn't in school while I was pregnant but I can tell you that the newborn stage is HARD and it will be hard to focus on school and that.

Being a mom is HARD. Being a mom who’s also working is hard. Add school to that mix and it’s even harder. I can’t imagine also adding wedding planning to that list. I finished grad school as a mom in a completely online program taking just one class at a time while not even working and it felt impossible more days than it didn’t.

I want to add that nowhere in your post do you mention your FH’s thoughts on this. Whether money or time or challenges could be worked through is not relevant if both of you are not 100% comfortable with ALL potential challenges that come with having a baby.

*personal opinion* If you have a child before you're married, you become a mom first and a wife second. That is fine for some people, but for me and my husband, it is important to us to be husband and wife first, and mom and dad second. There is something very sacred about the husband/wife relationship and it is important to have that time to just be husband/wife without adding a child into the mix. The relationship dynamic shifts so much when you add a child to your family, and it will impact your relationship with your FH significantly.

Currently engaged and thinking about kids (not right now but at least 3 years after we're married). Wait until you're done with school because raising children can take more money than you think. On the more positive side, you are financially stable right now which is great!

I'm going to sound like my mom now but you're young and enjoying being married is so important before you bring children into the world. Also, talk to your fiance about it.

I completely understand where you're coming from because I have baby fever as well but I would highly recommend waiting until after the wedding and after you graduate school! I have been begging my FH for almost 3 years to have a baby but he always told me after the wedding and after I graduate from college (I just graduated this past Saturday). Looking back now he was 100% correct! There's no way I could have gotten through my senior year of college with a baby. Don't worry time will fly by and you will be able to have a baby soon enough! I have learned this personally!

Planning a wedding and my full time job is already enough for me. I can't imagine having kids right now. FH is impatient and wants them soon, but we've agreed to wait until I can secure my work from home job and after the wedding. I can't imagine being in school and having children. My mom did it and she finished her degree, but my dad had to sacrifice and was working 12 hrs shifts. Its hard on you, and it will be hard on your marriage. I agree with PP, it seems like the reasons for putting off a wedding would be the same for maybe waiting to have a baby. Children need a stable home.

As someone who is pregnant with their first I would recommend waiting. I have had a relatively easy pregnancy but it's still been rough going to work every day. I've been in my position long enough that it's almost second nature, but I didn't anticipate just how tired I would be. I haven't even been ill that often, but there have been many days were I've felt awful. I have a job where it hasn't been an issue, but I don't think my college courses would be as forgiving. I'm also protected by FLMA, but that won't help a college student who couldn't finish their assignment because they have been throwing up all day for the last few days. That's just taking pregnancy into consideration and not factoring in a baby that needs so much of your attention.

I'm young as well and feel a similar call to adopt kids. Having a family with the man I love is a beautiful thought that I'm excited to do someday. But, as everyone else has said, please don't start having kids yet!!! If you truly want to be the best mother (and it seems like you really do care about your future children), become the best version of yourself and set yourself up for success first before adding babies into the mix. I know many women who don't return to school or wind up in jobs that don't pay very much or aren't really what they're passionate about because they have limited options with their kids. Finish your degree, get a job, and get married first. Even if you wait four years to have kids, you'll be 24 which is still VERY YOUNG to have children these days. Also, pregnancy is not all it's cracked up to be. I know my mom was pregnant with me while she was in LPN school and she was exhausted and nauseous all the time. Other women have it worse. Your kids will have a better future if you have an education, better paying job, financial security, and more self-awareness which can all come with waiting. Just think about this time of waiting as preparing to be the best mom you can be when the time comes.