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Savvy June 2020

Co-worker Dilemma

Ally, on December 16, 2019 at 4:46 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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So, I work with a group of about 8 people. Of those 8, there’s only 2 ladies that I’m close with and I’ve worked with them for nearly the entire 2 years I’ve been at this company, everyone else is fairly new. The only people I have on my guest list are the two ladies that I am close with. My venue only seats 72 and I am at exactly that number so I can’t afford to add anyone else. There is one girl in particular that I don’t particularly care for who, coincidentally, dated my FH in high school. She has invited herself on multiple occasions and I’m just not sure what to do about it. I don’t want her at my wedding and my FH doesn’t want her there either but I’m not sure how to explain to her that she isn’t invited without being offensive. She’s very sensitive and confrontational and I’m just not sure how to handle the situation. Any advice?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on December 17, 2019 at 4:02 PM

Champion July 2019
Veronica · on December 16, 2019 at 4:48 PM
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I would kindly tell her that do you the size of the venue that you can't accommodate anymore guests.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on December 16, 2019 at 4:51 PM
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Don't send her an invitation and let her know that you are at capacity.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on December 16, 2019 at 4:52 PM
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"We would love to invite everyone, but due to capacity constraints, we're keeping the guest list to close friends and family only."
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on December 16, 2019 at 10:19 PM
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I agree. That's awfully rude of her to try to invite herself to anything
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Savvy June 2020
Ally · on December 17, 2019 at 9:37 AM
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I thought it was rude also! My issue is she seems to think she’s already invited. She keeps making comments about needing to find a date for my wedding and needing a plus one and I’m so afraid to say anything to her face because she’s very confrontational and sensitive and I have to work with her every day.
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Super October 2019
Brianna N · on December 17, 2019 at 12:02 PM
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I would wait until she brings it up again and then say what PP said above! You don't have to say it out of nowhere but let her bring it up and then gently tell her that unfortunately, you had to limit your guest list. I would hate to be in your situation so I understand not wanting to say something, especially as you have to work with her everyday, but this is the best way to go.
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Devoted March 2019
Katie · on December 17, 2019 at 4:02 PM
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Honestly, it shouldn't be an actual issue if she doesn't have any of the logistical info (when/where/what time) about the wedding day - but if the two ladies you have invited shared or you've posted it somewhere, etc. then the cat is out of the bag.

She's definitely being rude and you have zero obligation to entertain her on this, but can of course do so while maintaining a professional co-worker relationship. Next time she brings it up try "Sorry, we have already finalized our guest list. While you're here, I wanted to ask you about XYZ (work related project)". When she brings it up again, politely say "we've already discussed this" and change the subject or excuse yourself.
Remember, just because you're being polite and professional, does NOT mean you have to sit there while she whines and complains for 30 minutes - even if that means you need to get creative and just take a 5 minute walk in another part of the office.
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