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Just Said Yes August 2020

Civil/ secular wedding- how to address different religions and include gay and lesbian friends

Melissa, on October 6, 2019 at 2:12 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

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So, our wedding has been planned to include our families and only our closest friends to keep numbers as tight as possible. We have chosen a civil ceremony because we are not religious, but include some cultural traditions. However our families are either secular like us, very strong Christians, or Buddhists. We have a traditional civil ceremony planned as well as a cultural tea ceremony. We also have wonderful dear friends of ours that are gay and lesbian in our wedding party. I do not want any negative attitudes at our wedding. We really hope that everyone can be respectful of our day and our loved ones but I’m very worried about family members that may take offense or potentially offend other family members. I would also really hate complaints to come back to me about my wedding. Our family and friends are very dear to me but the what if’s are stressing me. What is the best way to address this or should I just let whatever happens happen?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on October 8, 2019 at 4:52 AM

Master August 2019
Rebecca · on October 6, 2019 at 3:45 AM
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DH and I are of different religions, and our friends and family are diverse in religion, orientation, and ethnicity.
The most you can do is to be as inclusive in your language as possible. This is best worked out with your officiant.
Our officiant is a dear friend of ours, so he knew many of the different issues that might come up. When speaking about love, in general, he used inclusive language, like "person", "spouse", "partner", and "they/them" pronouns, or such, except when using specific quotes. He tailored the ceremony to have references to both our religious/spiritual beliefs, and spent many emails back and forth with us working out style and substance.
The important thing to remember, here, is that this is YOUR wedding. If it reflects you and your FS, then you are doing it "right". No one who is not Buddhist is going to get offended that you are having a tea ceremony - that is clearly something important to your cultural and religious heritage, and thus reflects your understanding of marriage. (If they do get offended, I'm going to bet they really aren't your friend.)

And if anyone complains to you about your wedding, they are rude.
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October 2020
Madre · on October 6, 2019 at 8:24 AM
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Unless you have reason/experience to think otherwise, I’m sure your guests will be kind and respectful bc they love you and support you. I would not worry!!

And you can’t control what they think or say anyway lol. There are those who feel it’s their god given duty to judge us and comment on 1 thing or another - it will probably be something you don’t expect! lol good luck, happy wedding!!
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October 2020
Madre · on October 6, 2019 at 8:51 AM
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One more lingering thought...isn’t it a shame you even have to worry about this? ❤️ 🌈
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 7, 2019 at 1:36 PM
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We didn't consider any of our guests feelings or religions or marriages when planning our ceremony, we just considered us. We had people of different faiths and orientations at our wedding, no one cared that our wedding wasn't what theirs would be. They were just happy for us!
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Devoted July 2020
Brandi · on October 7, 2019 at 3:07 PM
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I definitely agree with MrsD - your only consideration should be your wants for your day. Those in attendance despite their strong beliefs should be respecting of YOU TWO enough to not disrespect, offend or, make others' uncomfortable. There are definitely ways to incorporate other spiritual systems in your traditions - whether that's a prayer, scripture reading, song etc. Again, I don't think people will be offended whatsoever. However, you can always create a disclaimer about how you and your fiance wish to honor your different spiritual systems and backgrounds and to celebrate the diversity that you have encountered together. People seem to be less offended when you give them pre-warning, tie it into your wedding/ceremony and, let them know the purpose behind it.
Hope it all works out.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on October 8, 2019 at 4:52 AM
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I hope that your guest are respectful but you cant control what people do or say. its like the serenity prayer. Don't stress out about the what ifs because hopefully you picked people who love and respect you and if hey do then they will respect your wedding as well. Feeling a certain way is their prerogative but acting/speaking on it is different. just enjoy wedding planning and stop stressing .
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