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Marabeth
Devoted September 2021

Civil Ceremony?

Marabeth, on September 16, 2020 at 1:52 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 1 20
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I guess I’m just venting and seeking reassurance. My doctor called this morning with some not so great news about my health (I have a tumor on my spine that I learned about the first of August.) Then I learned that my insurance isn’t covering a lot of the test needed. On top of that, they want to send me to the Mayo Clinic and they do not take my insurance. FH and I talked about it and he talked about with his parents (my mother is deceased and my father has dementia) and we’ve all agreed we should get married so I can get added to FH insurance, which covers everything needed, ASAP. It also doesn’t require us to wait until open enrollment. We contacted the pastor who is doing our ceremony on November 7th and he said he can do it this Friday morning. It will just be us, our two required witnesses, and the pastor. We still plan to have the larger (really small because thanks covid) ceremony on November 7th. I have two teenage sons that I know with such short notice that their father will not bring them down for the ceremony on Friday. We don’t really plan to tell anyone that we are married because we want our original planned ceremony to be special and I know my sons would be furious for missing the one Friday. But it’s literally only for the medical insurance. None of our friends or family will be there. We are even struggling to find the second witness on such short notice. I’m just feeling bummed because I never imagined getting married without my boys there and my little sister who is my MOH can’t even make it until November. But we have to do this or I can’t get the treatment needed. And 7 weeks could mean a lot medically for me. 😔

20 Comments

Latest activity by Marabeth, on September 16, 2020 at 3:22 PM
  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    I’m so sorry you are having to go through this! You don’t think if you explained the situation (in as much or little detail as is appropriate for your relationship) to your boys’ father he would let them come?
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    Expert December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    Oh OP I am so sorry to hear what you are going through right now. It is particularly sad that in the states people like yourself have to make these decisions because of the poor health care benefits available through the government, ugh!

    Can you perhaps live stream the ceremony to your boys, or possibly pick them up? I am sure they will understand the circumstances, it is obviously not something anyone saw coming. All the very best and good luck, hopefully its a benign tumor and you get some good news soon!

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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    They live four hours away and their dad and I barely civil. So I know he wouldn’t bring them down and I’m not able to drive up to get them. FH is military and can’t take the day off Thursday to do the driving. I tried talking to my youngest tonight about it (he’s 13) and he just wanted to talk about the ceremony in November. My 15 yr old won’t talk on the phone for me to explain it to him. I text their stepmom (we communicate better) that it was a possibility that it would happen this weekend but she never got back to me.
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    I can probably have my witness FaceTime with my sons. I didn’t even think of that! Thank you! Or set up the tripod or something with my phone. That way they feel included still. Maybe even we could do that for FH’s parents.
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  • L
    Expert September 2020
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    I’m so sorry to hear about what youre going through with your health. I think you could do a civil ceremony and live stream it to your guests, then plan for a bigger party later on. Some companies do allow domestic partnership insurance benefits, but I’m not sure your FH company has that
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    Unfortunately we have to have a marriage certificate to get me base access and added as his dependent.
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I love this idea! I'm so sorry you're going through this! I'm sending all my love during this difficult time.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    According to law, you also have to act as though you are married, which means telling those close to you. Otherwise they can claim that you only got married for the insurance and benefits, and take the bennies away. It is not legal to marry just for bennies, any more than it is legal to marry someone for immigration status. This will be a long term thing, so do tell your family. You do not want to get a ways down the line, have an enforcement sweep, and have them make you pay back $40,000 that insurance spent on you. The first test they go to of " really married" is that they openly announce and live as though they are married.
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  • Jessica
    Rockstar September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I’m so sorry! I agree to see if you can livestream to your most important guests. My aunt had to do the same thing a while back and they decided to get married just the two of them (legal here in CO) and are going to do a celebration next year. Definitely get those tests done, seven weeks is a lot with cancer! Sending virtual hugs!
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  • Kell
    VIP April 2021
    Kell Online ·
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    Ob no. I will definitely be praying for you.
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    Thank you!
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    Yeah, I’m going to ask their dad if they can at least FaceTime with me to see it. They do traditional homeschool so they wouldn’t be actually missing school time (like the new virtual schooling) for the 20 or so minutes it’d take.
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    We do intend to tell those closest to us. Such as his parents and our sisters. As well as our local friends. We live as though we are married now. And his bosses all expected us to do this back in July when we picked up our marriage license because our state doesn’t have a limit on how long it’s good for, just has to be returned within 90 days of signing.
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    Thank you!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    That is great. I know some people reccommend acting mot married til family sees you married. But when I was in the service and they did an enforcement sweep, 2 in our unit had to pay back full cost of things, deducted from salary forever, so debts not discharged by bankruptcy. All because they thought some family would not come to their big reception if they knew they were married legally already. More than $60,000 each.
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    Oh wow. No we definitely plan to tell the important people. And we will wear our rings. We don’t plan to post it on social media or make a big deal of this ceremony, but we definitely will not be keeping it a secret either. His parents told him last night that they understand why we are doing it totally support it. His entire shop knows I’m sick and they’ve all been waiting for him to come in and tell them we’ve made it official. His bosses have been amazing about giving him days off for my appointments out of town since we live in such a small community.
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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    I think FaceTiming your kiddos is a great compromise to the situation. I know it isn’t ideal or what you want, but in this situation where your health is dictating things I think it is the best option. And I don’t think it will take away from the excitement and sentiment of your bigger wedding in November. Good luck!!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    That is great! Just get through this, and Live on. Puts the rest in perspective! 🙂
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    Thank you! I was able to reach my oldest and their stepmom. She said my youngest will definitely be home. My oldest said he will try to change his plans with his friends to be there. It’s literally going to be a five minute service. Lol our officiant will even be in shorts.
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    Thanks. This health really put everything into perspective. Life is short.
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