City hall ceremony now, reception and "ceremony" later?

Yes, it's totally find to have a court house ceremony now and a religious/spiritual/family ceremony later with a big reception 🙂

But don't hide it! Pretending to not be legally married when your are, is likely result is drama.

Could you do something very small now with your immediate family and then a big reception and more traditional ceremony in 2020?

Right, no one needs to know. But as a lot of brides will comment, family & friends could be hurt my this decision if they ever found out.

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I don't want to hide it - but it's been made pretty clear to us by our moms how "special" the day is and how they can't wait for all of the ceremonial pieces - giving me away, first kiss, all that. I feel like if we do the courthouse ceremony, they will all be very upset. Almost like we are taking the "specialness" out of it for them. That's why I feel so stuck!

View Quoted Comment Is there something in the middle you could do? A small wedding that fits a budget that would allow you to move up the date but still has the specialness you and your moms want?

I obviously don’t know the relationship you both have with your families, but I can’t imagine getting married now and not telling my mom and then pretending to get married in front of her.

I wouldn’t lie about it. You don’t have to make an announcement or tell everyone, but if somehow the topic comes up, I would tell the truth. In many countries, the religious and legal parts are on different days - or the religious part isn’t recognized legally. I don’t think this would take away from the “specialness.”

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If doing this will take all the "specialness" out of it for them, why do it? You are just setting yourself up for trouble if they ever find out. And I don't really see why being secretly married is so important to you. Marriage doesn't really change the relationship between you and your FI; what it mostly does is to give community support for that relationship. And that doesn't happen if you are keeping it a secret.

And honestly, I can sympathize with their views. People show up at a wedding because it is the one time in your life that you and your FI will go from being unmarried to being married to each other. Yes, a second ceremony may be a celebration of your love--but so is an anniversary, and people typically make an anniversary celebration much less of a priority than a wedding.

View Quoted Comment I really truly appreciate this perspective. I think it’s pretty much what my gut has been saying all along and I think you’re spot on. Thank you!!