Church Dilemma

Are his parents paying? Usually those who pay get a say, HOWEVER in this situation I would tend to think that if neither of you are practising in the church, then you should not have a church wedding. Churches are not there to be used as symbols during big life moments and then forgotten about. To marry under a faith means that you will try your best to abide by that faith. If you have no intention of doing so (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!), you should not have a church wedding.

Keep in mind however, that if FILs are paying, a church wedding may be on their list of requirements, so be prepared to pay for the wedding yourselves.

You'll be required to sign a document that promises any children from this marriage will be raised Catholic. Something to think seriously about before signing your life (and future children's lives) away.

Catholic prep for a marriage is actually pretty strenuous. I can't think of a priest who would agree to marry you unless you flat out lied about not practicing, etc. They'd be happy to give you a blessing probably but not much else.

Without having received all the sacraments, Kristin is right, it wouldn't be a full blown Catholic wedding, more like a blessing with standard wedding ceremony.

@spring Wow I didn't know you signed a paper that my future kids will be Catholic. That is so serious. Thank you for telling me.

Do what YOU want !

Maybe your in laws can read a catholic prayer during your ceremony so they can feel that religion is included.

You would probably have to lie in order to be married in a Catholic church. I think you should tell your future in-laws that you cannot in good conscience get married in the Catholic church considering neither of you are currently practicing and have no intention of raising any children in the Catholic faith.

Do what you and your fiancé wants.

@spring 201 7 As a life-long, practicing Catholic I can tell you we don't consider it "signing our lives away." How offensive.

@spring you don't literally sign a document, the only thing you sign is your marriage license. You verbally agree that any future children will be brought up in the church but it's not binding, like if the children aren't raised in the church you get sued. I agree with Joanna your statement is incorrect and insulting to those who practice..

@Suzzette his parents are probably upset that he won't be receiving the sacrament. Ultimately, it is up to you. There is a lot of prep, I believe I had to meet 4-5 times before getting married with either the priest or religious director.

Find out if it is important to your future husband. If he received his communion and confirmation he may want the sacrament. If he does, call around to a couple of churches and see what their process is. I know one church near me is ok having a small family only catholic ceremony on another day inside the church shortly before or after a ceremony outside the church. Another one I called did not do that and required couples to go through convalidation. But if you and your FH both don't care, do what makes you happy.

My future in-laws wanted us to have a Catholic wedding. We didn't. So we're not.

Thank you guys so much for the advice. This has been insightful. I will have to discuss more with my Fiancé.

My FILs wanted us to be married in a Catholic church as well. I am Lutheran but I do not practice. FH is Catholic but does not practice either. At first they were upset and took it out on us but eventually they backed off and realized we were going to do what we want and if they want to he apart of it they have to respect our choices. I understand where they were coming from and tried to be sensitive about the situation. When you raise a child i am sure there are certain things you want for them but when they grow up you have to let go and let them make their own choices.

If you are baptized Catholic you can be married in the church. Now if this is the path you wish to take then you have to be practicing members, (of the church you wish to get married in ) for a year. After that requirement is met then you will have to complete the pre cana classes, make sure you are compatible, and then you will be given permission to marry. If this is something that you and your other half decide you want or if you want to explore this further I recommend going to talk to a Priest. Please remember that it is still the Catholic church and the rules have been getting less restrictive so the priest maybe able to give your some options.

I'm sure my ILs would have loved for us to have a Catholic wedding. H was raised Catholic but hasn't practiced since we met freshman year of college. I was not raised religious. Getting married in a church was never considered for a minute for us, although I'm sure H's parents would have preferred it that way.

I feel that it would be inappropriate to be married in a church just to appease parents. For lots of people, a church wedding is something deeply meaningful. Just going through the motions to do it to make other people happy seems to cheapen what should be a meaningful process for people that follow that faith.

We debated on having a catholic wedding. My fiance is catholic and I am not. It was his mom's wish, but we discussed it and realized it wasn't what we wanted. In the end, it is your day. Do what makes you happy.

I'm Catholic and wanted a Catholic wedding. We didn't sign our lives away to raise our children Catholic.

The pre-cana classes were easy and informative. We met with a couple from our church 5 times to discuss various things including budgeting. We really found that it helped us grow together as a couple. At our last meeting they asked why we wanted to get married in the church. They are looking for you to say that it is your decision. Its not fair for someone else to push you into getting married a certain method. You need to have an honest discussion with FH and discuss what is right for you. No one can make that decision for you.

Getting married in the church is a sacrament and shouldn't be done because someone else wants you to do it.

@happeningmom not every parish has the requirement that you have to be a member for a year.

One of my closest friends had this dilemma, but it was more of a venue issue because they wanted to have the ceremony and reception in the same place. FMIL issue was it wasn't the Catholic Church. They compromised by having a Catholic ceremony the day before, just between the two of them, no guests. After that, they'll head right on over to their rehearsal! It was a great compromise

@Courtney That is something to consider if I need to! Thank you for that!

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school my whole life. The minute I graduated I separated myself from it all and have been better off since. My FH wasn't raised with any religion but believes in Buddhist teachings and practices. My mom pushed hard for us to get married in a church and went as far as saying our marriage wouldn't be legal/recognized if we didn't do it that way. That was almost a year ago. While she has finally realized we are not doing a church wedding and have 0 interest in it she still brings it up from time to time. We will be married at our venue in a short ceremony that reflects us.

In the end it is your decision. It's your wedding and your marriage not anyone else. Do what you want to do